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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think oh should have deleted his teenage porn use

111 replies

bumbelinarara · 31/05/2011 18:22

So that me and the kids were not subjected to it first thing this morning when I went on Media Player. Should I be worried that it is 'teenage?'. He reassures me it is fine and just a title but I do feel quite uncomfortable.

OP posts:
worraliberty · 31/05/2011 19:53

but what should I now do?

Make sure he doesn't use the family computer again for this if he can't remember to clear the history.

GypsyMoth · 31/05/2011 19:53

dont even go where??,can go where i like,free forum and all that!!

op...i would speak to him!

worraliberty · 31/05/2011 19:54

Oh and I've just remembered OP. He might not necessarily have to click on those words.

Sometimes just clicking on a small thumbnail pic can take you straight to a website.

Original poster
bumbelinarara · 31/05/2011 19:58

I've tried speaking to him, but to be honest, i don't want to even look at him right now.

OP posts:
thegruffalosma · 31/05/2011 20:02

God worral don't give him a get out he's already admitted that he knew it was teen but that wasn't the reason he looked at it - it was for it's artistic merit Hmm

Original poster
bumbelinarara · 31/05/2011 20:03

i just feel really gutted!

OP posts:
worraliberty · 31/05/2011 20:05

I'm not giving anyone a get out, I'm stating a fact.

Original poster
bumbelinarara · 31/05/2011 20:05

and worral, thanks, i do need the other point of view but this was no accident, he just doesn't think my objections are reasonable. He has said sorry, but I'm not sure I can look at him in the same light now. Fuck!

OP posts:
magicmelons · 31/05/2011 20:06

Understandably bumbelinarara, he has been a twunt.

TheOriginalFAB · 31/05/2011 20:06

ILT - it would be nice of you considered what you are saying before you press post.

SunshineisSorry · 31/05/2011 20:08

The only thing i would say is that the way alot of the porn sites work is to have clips that are in lots of categories, so if for instance he choses tits and arse, it might be that the particular film he has chosen comes in the teen category too, so that he might not have been looking at that deliberately iyswim. Err, um, i know this because i myself like porn and watch it with DP, we deliberately avoid anything "teen" because i don't like the connotations, but it comes up occasionally and you'd not actually notice it was "teen" unless you looked at the category.

Even so, he should bloodywell make sure that its not there for anyone to stumble across - there are things one doesnt want to look at over ones cornflakes, and if children have access to the laptop then he should use his own personal computor for "that sort of thing".

thegruffalosma · 31/05/2011 20:13

But the oh doesn't see anything wrong with the teen element - that's the problem.
You seem devastated OP and I don't know how to support you because I wouldn't want to be with a man who thought this was acceptable. Obviously that is a big thing though when there is a child involved. Do you think explaining to him why it is so wrong would work? Do you think he would agree to not look at that sort of material anymore and do you think he would mean it if he did?

GypsyMoth · 31/05/2011 20:16

nice?? it isnt a 'nice' subject fab!!

i have teenage dd's myself and i can't understand how any mother can condone this sort of stuff!!

fwiw...a lot of underage girls enter the sex industry via this 'teenage' routeHmm

thegruffalosma · 31/05/2011 20:17

Tbh I think just agreeing not to look at it to keep the peace isn't enough really. I would need some recognition that he had understood how wrong it was and didn't WANT to look at it anymore.

SunshineisSorry · 31/05/2011 20:18

I am actually surprised that the "teen" category is allowed, but when you think about a major consumer of internet porn are probably boys of around that age, i guess thats what its for - or am i being niave?

Original poster
bumbelinarara · 31/05/2011 20:18

He said last time I found Asian Teens that he wouldn't do it again. This was also on the family computer. Maybe I'm not explaining myself properly, he doesn't think they are teens and this is just one of so many teen titles that he doesn't even notice. We have watched porn together so I am definitely not a prude. If he doesn't want teens then why would he click it when there are so many other options? And yes, gruff, I am devastated. He thinks I should just forget it and give him a hug.

OP posts:
thegruffalosma · 31/05/2011 20:19

Nah the teenage boys will want the older women. I reckon older guys are the main consumers of the teen stuff. That's just my opinion though - not sure if it's been researched.

LRDTheFeministDragon · 31/05/2011 20:21

There are two things here:

  1. Is porn that focuses on teenage girls morally wrong? This debate comes up on MN fairly regularly because people don't all agree. I'm not saying it's not important, but concentrating on it just now ignores the second point:

  2. The OP feels strongly about something her DH is doing, which is in no way whatsoever vital to his willbeing (or even important, I'd say). He refuses to stop doing it for her sake and feels 'victimized'. How is this ok with anyone? Do we think men who use porn also get to be extra-specially selfish or something? Confused

thegruffalosma · 31/05/2011 20:23

Well if it's a well known website they likely will be over 18 but selected to look younger because that's what some men like.

SunshineisSorry · 31/05/2011 20:23

i dont think it would be a deal breaker for me, however what WOULD be a deal breaker is if i had made it clear to him that it made me uncomfortable for whatever reason, and him not respecting that. Like you say, there are untold categories out there and i manage to avoid "teen" so he should be able to, but do remember, that you can pick one category and that particular clip might be in lots, its like tags.

thegruffalosma · 31/05/2011 20:25

Have you shown your oh this thread? It might help him see that you're not overreacting.

Original poster
bumbelinarara · 31/05/2011 20:27

He knows I am on here and I will leave it out for him to read. I'm pretty sure he will. I know i would if i was being talked about!

OP posts:
TheOriginalFAB · 31/05/2011 20:28

ILT - You insinuated my children would not be safe with me if I had girls. That is totally out of order Angry.

ThisIsMyLogIn · 31/05/2011 20:30

poor you....i would be livid, embarrassed, shocked, disappointed, disgusted...

GypsyMoth · 31/05/2011 20:32

yes fab,YOU said 'Teenagers are not children in the way you mean.'

i beg to differ!! shocking attitude!! i have no idea if you have girls,iut if you do,i sincerely hope your attitude takes better shape