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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIB petty to be bothered or is my friend being petty?

67 replies

Pureandsimple · 30/05/2011 21:12

This is an old friend and it is a minor thing that has just irritated so won't be end of friendship, but this is more of a would you be irritated by this or am I really being petty.

This is not a whether coca cola should be drunk or not by kids.

Two weeks ago I had my friends over (2 adults 3 kids) for a BBQ. In the 2.5 hrs that they were here they drank between them 24 cans of coke (I had just bought two new boxes) at the time I was surprised how many they had got through but didn't say anything, and they always asked if they could have one did not help themselves. So no issue.

But today we went to their house (2 adults 2 kids) for a BBQ, we had been there for an 1.5 and my kids hadn't had a drink up to this point as not thirsty. Then my dc asked for a drink, they were asked what they would like, and they asked for a can of coke, and were told

'No cans of coke is expensive, and that box is to last for a month, you can have water or squash.'

My kids both with no quibble opted for water.

But I was shocked thinking hold on two weeks ago in 2.5hrs your family got through 2 boxes of coke, and did not mention cost etc or anything else, my kids ask for 1 can (max 2 cans if one each), and you tell them no because it's expensive.

So AIBU to think that they were being incredibly cheeky at my house now, and being bad host? Or am I being petty for the tit for tat attitude?

OP posts:
mx5hairdresser · 30/05/2011 21:15

YANBU
they were being hypocritical TBH

candr · 30/05/2011 21:16

Bit god damn cheeky methinks - did you point out how much they had drunk at yours?, next time have jugs of water available only

DoingTheBestICan · 30/05/2011 21:16

Just sit back & smile smugly knowing that your dc's teeth will not be rotten in the future,i use coca cola to wash the toilet i hate the stuff.

bubblecoral · 30/05/2011 21:17

This is not a whether coca cola should be drunk or not by kids.

Ok, if they asked if they could have the drinks and you allowed it, that is your perogative. You were free to also offer water or squash had you wanted too. Your friend would probably have supported that if you had said it, but you chose not to, so YABU.

manicbmc · 30/05/2011 21:17

I think the fact that they got through that amount of cans speaks volumes. It's just greedy, whether they asked or not.

TragicallyHip · 30/05/2011 21:20

Taking the piss totally!

But 24 cans between 5 of them Shock

FabbyChic · 30/05/2011 21:21

They were taking the piss at your house, and if I had been you at that BBQ today I'd have said, the expense didn't bother you when you drank 24 cans at mine two weeks ago, don't be so fucking tight.

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 30/05/2011 21:23

am also shocked at the amount they drank!

You know what to do next time.. they have set the standard, it is not unreasonable to impose the same limitation at your house.

WhoAteMySnickers · 30/05/2011 21:24

YANBU to think they are incredibly cheeky. Happy to drink your expensive coke but not happy to share theirs.

chicletteeth · 30/05/2011 21:24

Other woman is tight for not allowing them one can each.
However, YABU for moaning about how much they drank at yours; you could have said no yourself.

Why do you have so much coke in your house anyway? And why did you think it was appropriate to let a child drink so much?

Bohica · 30/05/2011 21:24

Yabu for letting them drink 2 cases of coke in one afternoon but Yanbu for being a bit miffed that it's ok when you are paying for it but not when your friend is picking up the tab.

activate · 30/05/2011 21:25

I dislike other parents in their houses being overly permissive and not putting in standard and understandable limits to children's behaviour

the hostess makes up her mind - so if asked for a second coke I would expect hostess to say "no" or "ask your mother as you've already had one" and then I have the option to say no - otherwise I may either not notice or think it would be rude of me to go against what the hostess is saying

so i think you were being unreasonable with your first party and I think your friend was making a point

barbie007 · 30/05/2011 21:26

They really do love coke don't they! But how cheeky to say that to your kids.....

bluebobbin · 30/05/2011 21:27

The coke issue aside, they were just freeloading at your house. 24 cans of coke is ridiculous between 5 people. I can drink a can of coke if I am thirsty but to drink FIVE cans each in 2.5 hours? I'm surprised they didn't vomit!

Additionally, it is bad behaviour to ask what drink is wanted and then refuse to give the chosen drink. If they didn't want the coke in the equation then they could have said to your DC - OK you can have water or squash, what would you like?

BooyHoo · 30/05/2011 21:27

they were taking the piss. they sound really stingey with their own money but free and easy with other people's

piratecat · 30/05/2011 21:28

did they drink the coke at yours, maybe they were slyly putting the cans in their car to take home seeing as it's so sacred.

yanbu, they sound really rude tbh.

razzlebathbone · 30/05/2011 21:28

24 cans of coke!! Did they spend the entire time at your house going to the toilet?!

MadamDeathstare · 30/05/2011 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hairfullofsnakes · 30/05/2011 21:30

How fucking rude are they?! You should say something or at least make it your mission to never ever offer them coke again at your party. Use their line next time. Stingy, piss takers! I'd be fuming!

Original poster
Pureandsimple · 30/05/2011 21:31

Two boxes were in house as it was on special offer to buy 2 boxes - so I stocked up as now hoping the weather is into BBQ season, and would have expected that to have lasted a few visits from different friends.

Other drinks were on offer - water/squash/alcohol/orange juice/apple juice/lemonade etc

The 24 cans were drunk by the family including the adults it was all they drunk.

I would never refuse a request for a drink whatever it was from a guest in my house, but was surprised they were getting through so much in short period of time. I physically couldn't drink that much of anything.

And it is not my place to stop a child from having something if their parent allows it, when the kids asked for another can, I did always check that their parents were happy before giving it.

We as adults today were given wine, and tea/coffee. So it was only the cans of coke that were an issue. Which my kids (they weren't aware of my annoyance at thinking it was cheeky) were not bothered that they couldn't have it.

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 30/05/2011 21:32

Yanbu. My sis always really goes to town at mine,we have to contribute towards meals etc there. I'm generous,she's tight! We probably have similar incomes etc.

TrillianAstra · 30/05/2011 21:34

This is not at all about whether children should drink coke.

This is about being more generous (less strict) then you would like to be and then feeling pissed off about it when they are less generous than you consider correct.

MadamDeathstare · 30/05/2011 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 30/05/2011 21:35

YANBU This would irritate the shit out of me as I loathe meanness and, it seems to me, that they've taken the piss out of your generousity.

A good host/ess always offers drinks to their guests before they ask, and it is extremely ungracious and downright bad manners for a host/ess to refuse a request for a soft drink that they have available on grounds of cost.

Even if you're flush, get in some cheap supermarket brand substitute for them and hide the real thing when they're next due to visit.

When you visit them take along a couple of cans of your dcs favourite drink for their sole use.

youarekidding · 30/05/2011 21:35

I agree with setting the same limitations on your house next time. Have 5 cans out so they can have 1 each and no more available.

Your right about it being a minor irritation but see why your a bit Hmm. I guess it's one of those different houses different rules things.

I drink coke in cans. DS (6) isn't allowed fizzy except when out for meals/ events/ special ocassions. A friend of mine gives it to her DD and always says 'you don't mind DS having some do you?'. I let him but when they are at mine her DD always asks for it. I just say 'no, children get milk/water/ juice in this house'. I'd hate her to think I'm tight - I would actualy prefer DS not to have it at hers.

Actually I'd be tempted to get some cheapo bottles of cola they can have if they consume that much - and take some to theirs too. Wink

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