not to tell DS1 that marriage is between a man and a woman only?

[ttalloo]

We were in the park today and saw a bride and groom having photos taken; he asked why she was wearing a big white dress, and I explained that she had got married to someone that she loves very much, and said that maybe when he grows up he'll do the same. He thought for a minute and said he would marry his best friend (a boy) and me .

At that point it dawned on me that I hadn't said that DS1 might marry a girl he loves very much, and that actually, it would be better not to - because I don't have a problem with same-sex marriage, and I would far rather that he grows up thinking that this is as normal as the other sort, and even that I don't much care who he marries (male or female) when he grows up, as long as they are nice and he is happy.

DH is appalled by this, and thinks I'm wrong even to consider telling DS1 (he's four) anything about homosexuality. It's not that I plan to sit him down and give him a lecture, but if it comes up (for example, there's a little girl at swimming who has two mummies, so it might well do) I don't see why I should mumble an answer, change the subject, or say something, frankly, that I don't believe in so that DS1 grows up thinking it's wrong.

So AIBU?

YANBU. It's great to see that so many on this thread arebring their children up with such respect for other people. My DB only told us he was gay in the last couple of years because of fears that we wouldn't accept him. We were all heartbroken that he felt he had to hide his true self from us, especially as we were brought up to know there was nothing wrong with being gay. My sis and I are now pushing encouraging him and his partner to wed so our girls can be flower girls.

I wish most of you were my parents as you're so open minded. I just came out to my parents aged 33, after a very long time of denying myself. They have not taken the news too well, particularly my mother who thinks I will now miss out on things? Wish they could have accepted who I was without making me feel so bad.

mrswishywashy, well done for coming out. Our parents are a different generation from us. Many of my gay friends came out in their 30s - most of the parents came round eventually. One of the parents never talk about it (after nearly 20 years!) but are more than happy to look after their daughter and her partner's children!

Well done mrswishywashy - I think (hope) it's a generational thing - my parents would have struggled to deal with it if I or my siblings had been gay; DH and I have been determined not to be fazed by it if DS was (though it was something we thought about our possible reactions to); DS (now 17) has friends who are gay and amongst his friendship group it's just a non-issue, not something it even occurs to them to be "OK" about, any more than some friends being blond or brunette.

I hope your parents will get used to the idea soon and leanr to be OK about it, but it must be very hard for you knowing that they struggle with something which is so much a part of who you are.

YANBU.

Whoever made the comment about the OP's DS being 'too young to know about same sex marriages'...What a load of guff!

My best friend is in a same sex marriage and she and her wife have a child. DS has never batted an eyelid at his two 'aunties' being married, and has taken the 'baby X has two mummies' thing completely in his stride....precisely because we have been honest and open with him from an early age.

FGS, they are gay, not devil worshippers.

I love this thread - it gives me faith in humanity :) AND I've just ordered a copy of King and King for DDs