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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dsis and her baby plans

90 replies

MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 22:14

not sure if im bu or not so i thought id ask you guys :)

dsis 22 - for many years has spoke about her desire to become a mum, she lives with her dp 21, she works 10 hours a week at min wage, he works anywhere from 25 onwards hours a weeks at just above min age, they struggle with money due to not earning alot and him having a couple of debts, yet they still decided last year to try for a baby

she is now pg, about 14 weeks, and has already spoke about their plans for when babys born

her plan is (which he has willingly agreed to) that she will work for as long as her job will allow her to, even she says if it means right up till the moment she pops (her words), ok fair enough she loves her job, but the thing i dont get is the next part of her plan

once the baby is 3 or 4 weeks old, she will go back to work and her dp will give up his job to become a sahd, dont get me wrong i have nothing againest sahd's but surely finacially wise it would be best if she stayed at home? i know that in their financial posistion it may not have been best to try for a baby, but thats done now and they need to think of whats best for the baby and their new little family, i understand she loves her job and will miss it hugely, i pointed out that she will miss her baby lots at that stage but she says she cant miss work as it would upset her too much

oh god im prob being such a littlemissjudgypants, and if iam fair enough, but aibu to think that her plans are a bit back to front ?

OP posts:
Original poster
MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 23:30

oh sorry fabby i wasnt having a dig about mothers going back so soon, was just explaining her whole plan in general, its the fact that that he is giving up work and she is going to continue that i cant get my head around, sorry fabby if you thought i was having a dig

OP posts:
Original poster
MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 23:32

not sure about the mat pay, will have to ask her tomorow when i see her

OP posts:
Firawla · 28/05/2011 23:33

you never know she may change her mind about that after the birth, and become a bit more realistic?

Original poster
MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 23:35

i sure hope so firawala but to honest knowing her as i do, if she does change her mind it will be more out of necesscity rather than personal choice :(

OP posts:
Valpollicella · 28/05/2011 23:38

Really Fabby? You should have done, it's a medical really.

OP, your sis and her DP are going to do their thing, no matter what advice you give them...

Original poster
MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 23:39

true, and she may surprise me and see sense, after all shes not even half way yet so hopefully will see sense in time :)

OP posts:
Valpollicella · 28/05/2011 23:43

:) You sound very supportive and just the kind of person to have around. Good luck, to you and your sis (in a non sarcastic way!)

squareegg · 28/05/2011 23:43

Her maternity pay would equal what she's getting paid now. So many women go back early as its much less than their wages but hers won't be. She's fortunate in that respect. I imagine once she has the baby she'll get a dose of reality... hopefully.

Original poster
MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 23:48

thanks valpollicella :) im really hoping so squareegg think i may spend the next few months dropping subtle hints/advice lol

OP posts:
StopTalkingAndEatYourDinner · 28/05/2011 23:48

er, she is planning on leaving the baby for 2 hours a day - its hardly 12 hour days with a long commute at either end of the day!

Besides, loads of first time mums reckon they will learn a new language/join a gym/keep their house immaculate etc etc before they get an actual real life crying baby along with the obligatory cracked nipples/piles/total exhaustion. I would leave her to it, she will do what suits her and her new family and nothing you will say will make any difference.

Original poster
MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 23:53

i know its just that i worry as they struggle financially enough as it is, and her plan will make them worse off, thats why me and my mum have both offered to have the baby after she has had proper mat leave in order that they both keep their jobs, we just want to help her but she is stubborn and as yet wont listen so naturally im worried

OP posts:
IprivateI · 28/05/2011 23:53

Well they're doing it to live off benefits aren't they? Duh!!

Original poster
MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 23:57

makes sense, she is a total chav, shes all "innit blud" and everything, makes me shudder that expression

OP posts:
IprivateI · 29/05/2011 00:00

There you go!! She's just doing what any hard working chav would do. You should be proud.

belledechocchipcookie · 29/05/2011 00:01

Unless the law's changed in the past couple of years it's illegal for an employer to allow an employee to work if their baby is under 5 weeks old. It will be the employer who is prosecuted so she'll have zero chance of getting a job (unless it's a dodgy employer or she lies).

Original poster
MissBubbles · 29/05/2011 00:05

she will lie to get her way if she dont see sense beforehand :( Grin iprivatei i proberly would be if i was a chav myself lol

OP posts:
hairylights · 29/05/2011 00:06

Wow!! Amazing sexism goun on in thus thread. Each to their own ... They will work it out fir themselves when the time comes.

FabbyChic · 29/05/2011 00:07

Why not go through with her what their benefit entitlements will be? So she is aware of what their financial position would be?

For ten hours a week it would be better if you had the child seeing as you have offered.

hairylights · 29/05/2011 00:09

"Compulsory maternity leave
You do not have to take all of your Statutory Maternity Leave. However, you must take two weeks (or four weeks if you work in a factory) of 'compulsory' maternity leave after your baby is born."

From directgov.

WillyBumBalls · 29/05/2011 00:09

My DP and I were 19/20 when I had our son and admittedly we thought we knew it all regardless of what people told us.

When it came down to it I have been in and out of crappy part time night jobs for the last 4 years because when crunch time came I hated the thought of leaving my son during the day. Things don't always pan out how you plan, your sister will figure this out in her own time.

As for the 'chav' revelation I think that is unfair, she enjoys her job and wants to keep that part of her life there is nothing wrong with that!

Original poster
MissBubbles · 29/05/2011 00:10

your right fabby i will definetly make sure through the pregnancy that she knows my offer will still be open, i get the feeling that everything will kind of happen all of a sudden in a way, she says she wants to plan now, but she has also said that she will go back at 3/4 weeks even if she ends up having a c-section Confused

OP posts:
PenguinArmy · 29/05/2011 00:11

how odd, especially since she will get SMP so, as you say, be worse off this way twice fold (one salary instead of two). Sounds like something else is going on here, I'll be surprised that they would be eligible for that much, have they done the calculations? However, they have to make their own decisions, you all can do is point out some things and leave it to them.

(my DH is a SAHD and not sure where the sexism is)

ChippingIn · 29/05/2011 00:12

hairylights - what do you see as sexism on this thread?

FabbyChic · 29/05/2011 00:12

She clearly uses her work as a crutch to get through life, she won't be in any fit state to return to work, tell her her employers cannot take her back unless she is fit to work as to do so will be illegal.

She is clearly very young in mind.

Original poster
MissBubbles · 29/05/2011 00:13

oh i know that willybumballs thats why i offered to help so that she could keep doing her job without him having to give up his job

OP posts:
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