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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect DH to leave London when he says he will?

85 replies

Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 21:44

DH went out for drinks with some colleagues he hasn't seen since Christmas. I asked him if he could leave by 9 (they have been out since 5) so he would be home around 10.
DS has an important hospital appt first thing in the morning and I wanted to go over what questions we need to ask the consultant.

It's also been a very long day with a teething baby who does not sleep well at the best of times, so have been up and downstairs all eve.

He phoned at 9.25 to say he was leaving, he got distracted chatting and was very apologetic. I accept his apology, but just feel like what I ask isn't that important to him.

If it was reversed I would be keeping an eye on the time and say my goodbyes in preparation to leave at the right time.
But then I HATE being late for anything and 'letting people down' (people pleaser) Blush

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to leave when he says he will?

OP posts:
Original poster
Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 22:31

No PatriciaHolm, due to his time keeping record, I definitely asked him to leave at 9, and he sadi 'yes i will'

Hmm
OP posts:
Original poster
Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 22:32

if you read what I said squeaky, he was at work until late last night!!!

OP posts:
razzlebathbone · 26/05/2011 22:34

I understand OP. It sounds like everything's got on top of you today as you are clearly beside yourself with worry. I hope everything goes ok tomorrow.

worraliberty · 26/05/2011 22:35

It's quite as likely to be me out without him, worraliberty - it's called having an equal balance of power in your relationship. you should try it sometime

Ten happy years together and no problems of this sort so far so I'd say we pretty much do Wink

smallwhitecat · 26/05/2011 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bibbitybobbityhat · 26/05/2011 22:38

25 mins - not worth starting a thread over, imvho.

Original poster
Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 22:41

We have 10 happy years together too - obviously I have have him under excellent control, I'm not just being a worried mum tonight, feeling slightly alone and frustrated. Thanks so much for your input worraliberty.
Anyway, am not going to have any kind of row, I think a hug for both of us, and off to bed is the best bet when he gets in. not really a horrible wife

OP posts:
Original poster
Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 22:42

Well thanks bibbity, you missed the point completely. And obviously you are the judge of what it's worth starting a thread over. Hmm

OP posts:
smallwhitecat · 26/05/2011 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

worraliberty · 26/05/2011 22:47

Worraliberty actually thinks two people should be allowed to in a relationship to phone home and apologise for leaving 25 minutes late without the other person in the relationship getting the arse about it smallshitecat....but you just carry on making up what I 'seem to think' if it suits you Wink

ilovesooty · 26/05/2011 22:54

25 minutes is hardly the same as being several hours late: and he did phone. I think it's difficult to zoom away from a social occasion absolutely to the minute when there are people there you haven't seen for some time.

Vicky2011 · 26/05/2011 22:54

Enorelbot you seem to feel the need to be rude to anyone who has the temerity to disagree with you. I guess all I can do is put myself in your DH's shoes and if I was being given a hard time for being 25 minutes late I'm afraid I would be accusing him of being controlling. If your DH is as consistently late as you say then surely just 25 mins is pretty good going.

I advise a glass of wine, a bath and bed. And make sure he gives you some time to yourself over the weekend. It may make the wood a bit clearer through the trees.

sunnydelight · 26/05/2011 22:58

Don't post in AIBU if all you want is for people to agree with you. I can see why you were a bit pissed off, but you do come across as controlling whether you like that or not.

SouthStar · 26/05/2011 23:05

Im genuinely shocked that because someones dh is 25mins late they felt they needed to post it on a forum and still not see they are being unreasonable when everyone has told them so.... amazing!

Al0uiseG · 26/05/2011 23:07

I think she ought to track his journey on a glittery Ticker for us :o

worraliberty · 26/05/2011 23:08

Oh FFS Al0uiseG there goes my hot chocolate all over my screen!!! Grin

ilovesooty · 26/05/2011 23:17

thanks for the sensible responses

I like the way this becomes a frequent response when almost everyone disagrees with the OP.

And "constructive comments" = "people who are going to say they agree with me" Grin

sunnydelight · 26/05/2011 23:41

But that is not a sensible response ALOuiseG, you won't get a personal acknowledgement of your contribution to the thread Grin

Al0uiseG · 26/05/2011 23:45

:o

GoodDaysBadDays · 26/05/2011 23:57

I won't repeat what everyone who has said Yabu has said, I agree with most of it but will add my this,

Op, why did you not discuss it a few days ago so not leaving it so late?

I see very little of my dh so with important things like this (we have 4dc's 2 of them have sn so we have this type of thing a lot) I tend to put it all in an email to him. It might sound odd but I can do it in my time and he can read it in his time, usually at work.

He rarely comes to any appointments so I can print off and take with me both our thoughts and questions.

That's not to say we never talk, far from it! But it creates less pressure on these situations.

Also, is it the right time for such an important discussion when you've both had long, hard days and he's spent 4 hours drinking?

idratherbeboarding · 27/05/2011 07:42

V controlling. 25 minutes! I thought you were going to say he rolled in at 2am. Curfews are for children.

Laquitar · 27/05/2011 09:13

I'm sure it is not the 25 min but the fact you were alone and worrying about the apptm. So why didn't you say to dh 'i feel a bit low and i really need you with me tonight' instead of saying he must come at certain time for the questions?

Same thing with the thread. Instead of asking AIBU and then attack everybody who doesn't agree with you, you could have said 'i'm worry about my ds's appoitment' and i'm sure the posters would be very supportive.

Why do you use anger and control to express worry and sadness?

I hope the appoitment goes well.

Morloth · 27/05/2011 09:23

Meh, if 25 minutes has made such a difference to your evening perhaps you should have asked him not to go at all.

I would be pretty annoyed if DH was on at me if I said I was leaving at 9 and actually left at about 9:25pm.

MonstaMunch · 27/05/2011 09:33

gawd, someone was on here the other day saying their OH was moaning cos they kept getting in at gone 4 am and the majority said sod him, nothing to do with him

so i guess they would say the same about 25 minutes late

MonstaMunch · 27/05/2011 09:35

couldnt you have just got up half an hour earlier to "talk"