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AIBU?

to expect DH to leave London when he says he will?

85 replies

Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 21:44

DH went out for drinks with some colleagues he hasn't seen since Christmas. I asked him if he could leave by 9 (they have been out since 5) so he would be home around 10.
DS has an important hospital appt first thing in the morning and I wanted to go over what questions we need to ask the consultant.

It's also been a very long day with a teething baby who does not sleep well at the best of times, so have been up and downstairs all eve.

He phoned at 9.25 to say he was leaving, he got distracted chatting and was very apologetic. I accept his apology, but just feel like what I ask isn't that important to him.

If it was reversed I would be keeping an eye on the time and say my goodbyes in preparation to leave at the right time.
But then I HATE being late for anything and 'letting people down' (people pleaser)

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to leave when he says he will?

OP posts:

Report

worraliberty · 26/05/2011 22:13

We're talking about 25 minutes here OP!

squeakytoy · 26/05/2011 22:13

Why did you not discuss the hospital appointment last night if you knew he was going out drinking tonight?

cat64 · 26/05/2011 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

smallwhitecat · 26/05/2011 22:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SouthStar · 26/05/2011 22:15

You asked if you are being unreasonable because he was 25 mins late....you got your answer.

I hate being late and ive had this with dh a few times. Now I figure As long as he is up and doing his fatherly duties by then he can roll in 10 mins before the kids are up!

If this has happened before why didnt you discuss the appointment the day before he went out if he is known for being late and it was that important to you...common sense really.

Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 22:16

It IS crucial TO ME!
I have written down my questions, but there wont be much time in the morning while rushing aroung getting DS/myself ready to leave the house. We will have to talk in the car on the way to the hospital which is less than ideal, as I am (strangely enough) quite worried about the whole thing.

I am NOT controlling, and if that is your stock response please just hide the thread, I need some constructive answers, not critiscism.

OP posts:

worraliberty · 26/05/2011 22:17

Yeah we're all a bunch of mugs for not going off the deep end at 25 bloody minutes late

Don't forget to sharpen your man beating stick smallwhitecat it might be the only way you'll get him home in the end

worraliberty · 26/05/2011 22:18

So get up 25 minutes earlier in the morning...problem solved.

simplesally · 26/05/2011 22:19

he should be with the OP, END OF.

nometime · 26/05/2011 22:20

YABU, sorry. From your info he should still be home by 10.30 and you can have a chat about the appointment then. Just chill and please don't have an argument when he gets in, 25 minutes is really not worth the angst in the great scheme of things. And this is from somebody who knows big time what having a late arriving husband is like!!!!

Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 22:21

I asked because I would not do it if the situation was reversed, and he wasn't home till late last night due to work commitments. Which I was FINE with.

I just wondered if people thought it was ok. Apparently it's fine and I need to stop controlling him expecting him to follow through on what he says

I'm being unreasonable, thanks for the sensible responses.

OP posts:

KittySpencer · 26/05/2011 22:22

Once you've been out for a few drinks, coming home early/at a set time doesn't really happen. I know it doesn't for me. I wouldn't think half an hour late was a big deal because it's probably how late (at least) I would be if the positions were reversed. I certainly wouldn't get upset unless he didn't get back til after 12 (even if he'd called), or was more than an hour late without contacting me. I'd expect the same in return.

worraliberty · 26/05/2011 22:24

Same here Kitty sometimes you say goodnight to a couple of people and they want to say a bit of a longer goodbye. You'd hardly expect anyone to start quivering and rush out the door saying "I can't say more than goodnight, I'll be a few minutes late home!"

smallwhitecat · 26/05/2011 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 22:27

Nometime, thanks for your sensible input. Much better idea than the controlling harpy worraliberty thinks i am.
Probably am overreacting this time, just very worried about tomorrow, and been on my own most of the day. too much thinking time. Not going to have a go when he get here around 11. You're right he is very sorry, hard to not take it personally sometimes.

OP posts:

PatriciaHolm · 26/05/2011 22:28

Now, posting in AIBU was never going to get you a unanimous "oh dear, yes you are absolutely right to be incandescent" was it?

FWIW, I'd be mildly annoyed if he had actually said he would definitely leave at 9; but did he? Or did you just ask him and he said "i'll try"? and you've taken that as agreement with you?

piprabbit · 26/05/2011 22:28

OP, the danger is that you will focus on how this has impacted you and how cross you feel. So when your DH gets home you will end up spending the time before bed rowing about his lateness instead of grabbing the chance to talk through the hospital appt.

Focus your energies on making the time you do have with him tonight, count.

Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 22:28

And small whitecat, thanks for understanding the worry about the hospital. Been a worrying time.

OP posts:

PatriciaHolm · 26/05/2011 22:29

PS - I hope it goes OK tomorrow.

nometime · 26/05/2011 22:29

OP don't get stressed, it's not worth a row, really it isn't and I am probably the world expert on the subject. Just roll with it this time and maybe when the appointment is out of the way and life is a bit less stressed you can have a chat about his timekeeping.

Mind you if you do manage to improve his time keeping do let me know how you did it!!!

Enorelbot · 26/05/2011 22:29

x-post piprabbit.

OP posts:

piprabbit · 26/05/2011 22:29

Sorry - x-posts with everyone, this is a very busy thread.

Good luck Enorelbot - both with the hat tonight and the appt. tomorrow.

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tigermummy35 · 26/05/2011 22:30

He could have lied, rocked up half an hour late and said his train was cancelled / there was an accident on the roads whatever. At least he phoned! On this occasion, YABU. On the other hand, if he does this all the time, YANBU!

piprabbit · 26/05/2011 22:30

Gahh - chat not hat

squeakytoy · 26/05/2011 22:31

Why did you not discuss the questions last night???????????????

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