What to say when and 9 yr old starts asking about sex

[taylor74]

My sister called today fuming her DD had told her that some boy in the class asked her if she was still a virgin. Now she was shocked and didn't know what to say so she said when we go to see grandad we take the virgin train. Her DH said she should have told her the truth, me I think she did the right thing. AIBU to think we should keep children as children I think 9 is way too young to be discussing these matters.

She could be having periods in the next year, I did. She needs to know.

'Have you started yet' was the most well thumbed book in our school library

Folk, not from personal experience, but these have good reviews on Amazon. The first one looks more suitable for a 10 year old. The second one maybe more suitable for younger children.

Lets Talk About Where Babies

Where Willy Went

I think there's a difference though in teaching about puberty and the actual mechanics of sex. Yes of course they're related but when I talked to dd about periods I said her body was getting ready to be able to carry a baby. She knows about the egg from the woman and a seed from the man but that's all and so far she hasn't asked anything else. She's 10.

I agree with not forcing it down their necks too early but be honest with questions as and when they come up. At the moment I just want to make sure my dd is comfortable with the idea of periods and physical changes that are around the corner. She doesn't need to know about condoms.

my DS has learned the F word, and about sex at the school playground (very "nice" school, little village primary, you get the picture).

He told me that it is about a man peeing in a woman. and that to do "it" you had to pin a girl against a wall and rub yourself against her (OMG!). he was quite horrified. So was I .

So we had "the" chat, age appropriate, as I'd rather he gets the facts from me, in a non-sensationalist manner, than believing what all the boys say in the playground. It also gave me a chance to explain about appropriate behaviour, and that pretend-humping (what they were all doing!) is inappropriate and could get them into trouble. I also had a word with the teacher, and she says it is normal in 8 year olds, and they have "chats" about appropriate behaviour at school.

I know lots of parents who are in denial about what their children know, especially parents of girls. Especially as we live in the countryside, and you see sheep, horses, cattle, dogs doing "it" everywhere.

the worst thing about this is that kids as young as nine are asking eachother if they are still virgins :(

9 is not too young to know about sex but it's a shame some boys are raised to make an issue of virginity at that age, and to taunt girls with it :(

interesting fact

did you know that the Samaritans was founded by a vicar, having taken the funeral of a young girl who committed suicide, because she was menstruating and did not know what was happening to her, she thougt she had some dreadful disease

If I discussed condoms with my ds,he would be totally embarrassed and silly about it all.

As I said before,I know my child and will discuss sex when I feel he's ready to digest the information.

He has asked about being gay as some little toad child at school was calling everyone gay and he wanted to know what that mean so we told him .

Dd was told about the periods at 10 due to the fact that girls are starting menstruation earlier nowadays.

I gave her the book 'lets talk about sex' around the same time because she was ready at that stage and we told her to ask any questions if she felt the need.

Thankyou Totem - will have a nosey...

The boy who asked the question about virginity probably has no idea what it means as his parents haven't given him a decent sex education yet as they want to "preserve his childhood". he is probably repeating something he has half heard from an older boy.

Knowledge is power. My DCs know about puberty, sex, reproduction and contraceptives. I started telling them younger than 9, and as we have had hens, dogs and ponies all reproducing, they have a good idea of the mechanics.
I have also explained all of the swear words I could think of to them, with their meanings and context, and why they shouldn't use them. This came after DD who was 10, was picked on at school by an older girl for not knowing.
Keeping a child in the dark is never helpful or healthy.

I've read 'mummy laid an egg' by Babette Cole with my 2 youngest (7 and 5) so they know how mummies and daddies bodies 'fit together' to make a baby. My 5 year old has watched videos of birth. Show NO embarrassment. You are teaching your child how bodies work, that's all.

Folk the book I bought DD & have found to be great for younger girls, also lists a younger boys version On your Mark Get Set, Grow" by Linda Madras again I would highly recommend looking into that one, as DDs really is a great little book for kids of that age - I ordered DDs in Waterstones :)

\my parents bought me rabbits as pets. They knew about sex But there are other options now. school, books...magazines etc etc

This thread has reminded me of how I learnt about sex...first I thought you got pregnant spontaneously and was incredibly indignant about not having a choice in the matter (complaining to my mum, no less). Then I was certain it was kissing. THEN I was told by a friend about the actual "parts" involved and was shocked because I was so certain it was kissing that did it. It took me years to work out that oral sex wasn't something to do with talking.

Oh dear.

She should know about it by now. She couldbe starting her periods soon and she knows nothing about sex. I think that is such a shame.

@ Cory

Im with Dancer girl on this.
My 9 1/2 yr old Ds, really is not bothered at the mo.
My 12 1/2 yr old Ds, has only just started asking more questions (had Sex Ed at school in Y5 & 6, now yr 7) which Ive answered honestley.
Although when he comes and wakes me up at 11.15pm on a school night, because he cant sleep and starts asking about wet dreams and the like..
I dont think I was too impressed..

Wow, 9 seems really late for this to have come up.

DS1 wanted to know where babies came from when he was 4, I just told him the truth, no loss of innocence necessary.

When I was pregnant with DS2 he was fascinated, came to a couple of scans and watched that Human Body thing.

I don't see what is so shameful about kids knowing biology. We haven't gotten into all the morals stuff yet, just the mechanics, he seemed deeply unphased by this.

some girls start developing at 9 so some facts are neccessary

Maybe aswell playground gossip can be inaccurate she may end up being fed some rubbish

I have mentioned the books to my sis so thanks for your advice x

anyone who thinks their 8 or 9 year old knows nothing/has no curiosity about sex/related issues is just fooling themselves (unless the child has never been to school) The child may not talk about it but they are certainly going to have heard all sorts in the playground.

I prefer my son to have age appropriate truthful factual information about it in the same way he learns about maths or history.

Such a shame to somehow think it's ever too early to have knowledge about the human body and sex and it just clearly sends the message that the parent thinks there is something inherently wrong or shameful about it. Which says alot about them I think. It's just information the same as any other information.

I find it more shocking an 8yr old has neve asked where babies come from.

Kids are naturally curious. They want to know about the Moon, the stars, light, sound, electricity, animals, clouds etc etc...and where we all came from and how babies are made is normally top of the list.

Unless there are any other circumstances like SN for example, I'd say that 8yr old has probably asked other children and that is something to be avoided.

motherinferior. I agree now when he dose find out which he will he won't trust your sister shocking just shocking