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AIBU?

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Original poster

What to say when and 9 yr old starts asking about sex

93 replies

taylor74 · 26/05/2011 10:59

My sister called today fuming her DD had told her that some boy in the class asked her if she was still a virgin. Now she was shocked and didn't know what to say so she said when we go to see grandad we take the virgin train. Her DH said she should have told her the truth, me I think she did the right thing. AIBU to think we should keep children as children I think 9 is way too young to be discussing these matters.

OP posts:
chicletteeth · 26/05/2011 11:34

And no, 9 is not way too you. It is, IMO, getting a little too old not to have discussed this matter.

chicletteeth · 26/05/2011 11:35

young

valiumredhead · 26/05/2011 11:36

Is it any wonder that the number of teenage pregnancies is sky high, when people don't tell their kids the facts of life?

DamselInDisguise · 26/05/2011 11:37

TBH the misinformation the OP's sister has fed her daughter about virgin trains could end up really embarrassing the poor girl at school. Poor kid.

rockinhippy · 26/05/2011 11:37

I agree with the others you could of handled it better, 9 is NOT too young for basic facts, she's growing up & you have to accept that as fact - my own Mum was like you - definitely NOT something I thank her for Hmm

I had a book recommended on her recently Ready, Set, Grow, by Linda Madras its aimed at girls of 7/8 upwards, so is not too graphic or "grown up" - I bought a copy for my DD who is 8 & its a great little book - just in time it seems as discussing it later, seems she was already hearing a LOT around School & with Friends older DCs - this book has allowed her to make sense of it all & not worry/be scared - OR feel like the left out freak I did as a kid Hmm

Folk · 26/05/2011 11:37

Can anyone recommend any good books for a 10 yr old boy who knows all the basics (inc. periods etc.) but has asked for a bit more info...something cartoony (not the laid an egg one - have flicked through and didn't like it)....

Flisspaps · 26/05/2011 11:37

9 is not too young.

We don't have the highest teen pregnancy rate in Europe because we teach our kids too much, too young.

It's because it's too little, too late.

betterwhenthesunshines · 26/05/2011 11:38

The truth - bit by bit - just answer the questions they ask.
Presumably she knows what sex is by now Confused
I would have said something like ' What a funny question to ask.' Checked if she knew what a virgin was, let her know it's a cheeky question and she doesn't have to answer him, and also find out what she thinks about when people might have sex for the first time so she doesn't think it's it's something she SHOULD be doing at age 9.

Folk · 26/05/2011 11:38

Oh and my 8 yr old knows the basics too - i always like to be honest when asked a question...

HeadfirstForHalos · 26/05/2011 11:38

If they ask, tell the truth at a level they can comprehend.

Original poster
taylor74 · 26/05/2011 11:39

I think she was just embarrassed to tell her that's why she said

OP posts:
Thingumy · 26/05/2011 11:40

'Is it any wonder that the number of teenage pregnancies is sky high'

I don't think telling a 4 year old about daddies seed stops teens getting pregnant.

Sitting down with a 14/15 year girl or boy and discussing contraceptives probably helps more.

valiumredhead · 26/05/2011 11:41

And I would've said VIRGIN can be used to describe all sorts of things - snow, trains, something new etc not just someone who hasn't had sex yet.

ashamedandconfused · 26/05/2011 11:41

*9 is not too young.

We don't have the highest teen pregnancy rate in Europe because we teach our kids too much, too young.

It's because it's too little, too late.*

100% agree!

brickwallspringstomind · 26/05/2011 11:42

My DD is a new 8 and she isn't interested at the moment, but to be honest I had never thought about how I would deal with it when she does. Obviously she is going to ask one day. But I really would not have known what to do if I was in your sisters situation. Just out of interest do primary schools do sex education anymore??? I seem to remember watching a video about a special Cuddle

valiumredhead · 26/05/2011 11:43

Sitting down with a 14/15 year girl or boy and discussing contraceptives probably helps more

And by then it can be FAR too late!

Countries where they teach kids early about the facts of life have fewer teenage pregnancies.

DamselInDisguise · 26/05/2011 11:43

But she shouldn't be embarrassed to tell her. The facts about how her body works and how babies are made are not embarrassing. They're just biology.

ashamedandconfused · 26/05/2011 11:43

OP, your sister needs to face up to the fact her DD is growing up and needs information

If she gets the idea her mum is too embarrased and does not like answering her , she will stop asking and run the risk of picking up all sorts of misinformation and half truth from the playground.

ashamedandconfused · 26/05/2011 11:44

brickwall our school do a talk in Y5 and Y6

Portofino · 26/05/2011 11:45

I have been drip feeding my dd with info for the last 2 years. Generally as stuff comes up. She is 7 now. She did catch me out though, as I was showing her the cute dress she wore to our wedding and then said "but I couldn't have been at your wedding!" I assured her she was. She replied "But you don't have babies until after you are married!" I didn't know what to say in response to that Blush and quickly changed the subject.

beanandspud · 26/05/2011 11:46

Totem Pole I still have the 1980 version of 'Have you started yet?' - I had no idea that it was still going (and it has some brilliant drawings of towels with loops, belts and special pants...).

I must have been about 8 when my mum bought it for me.

ashamedandconfused · 26/05/2011 11:46

thingumy Sitting down with a 14/15 year girl or boy and discussing contraceptives probably helps more.

14/15 is FAR too late for that chat

ashamedandconfused · 26/05/2011 11:47

"But you don't have babies until after you are married!" I didn't know what to say in response to that and quickly changed the subject.

LOL!! Grin

beanandspud · 26/05/2011 11:48

Sorry, I assume that it has been updated - didn't meant to imply that it is still the 80's version.

ChippingIn · 26/05/2011 11:48

I really don't understand why people think that telling the children about basic biology stops them being a child?

I feel so sorry for that poor girl - she's going to look like a complete idiot spouting that about a train! :(

It never needs to be a 'big talk' - just things from being tiny - no different than why the sky is blue or what happens to caterpillars!