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I think I know I am, but in a house seemingly made of plastic, where can I sleep and be cool?

16 replies

kreecherlivesupstairs · 25/05/2011 07:58

I am currently in Manchester staying at FiLs house. He has kindly moved out to his wifes house so I can be here on my own.
Two problems, the house appears not to have one object made of natural stuff. No proper wood, the bed I am in has a foam mattress with nylon sheets, a nylon duvet cover and nylon pillows. I keep waking up in a puddle of sweat.
Secondly, my SiL lives next door and keeps letting herself in. I nearly choked on my meat pie when she did it twice last night.
Tell me it will all be OK. I leave on Friday, volcanic ash permitting.

OP posts:

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 25/05/2011 08:02

'seemingly made of plastic' < chuckles heartily>

I'm sorry I have no advice but thankyou for making me chuckle kreech Smile

what about buying a cooton sheet? or sleeping on the couch....or is that made of ,I dunno, tarpauline(sp)?


TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 25/05/2011 08:05

no idea what cooton is...

no idea about sorting the sil

what about tying her up and sleeping on her?

assuming she wears clothes that aren't just nylon

she wouldn't be able to make you choke on your meat then AND she may be comfy

is she plump?...bonus


TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 25/05/2011 08:06

I keep on saying I have no advice but then give you advice...not good advice but still.... Grin


TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 25/05/2011 08:09

'choke on your meat' I meant meat pie...sorry


kreecherlivesupstairs · 25/05/2011 08:11

The couch is made of plastic! It is supposed to be leather, but it isn't.
Only two more nights to go..........................

OP posts:

kreecherlivesupstairs · 25/05/2011 08:12

And she is plump, but smelly. She is someone who thinks that she can save the world by not washing either herself or her clothing. She is also the one who wants my DD to help choose a headstone for her cat.

OP posts:

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 25/05/2011 08:16

oh dear lord well definitely dont sleep on her then

and no wonder you dont want her just letting herself in

cant you pilfer her key off her whilst shes, erm, I dunno collecting spider webs to make a new hat or somehting

tell her theres some HUGE ones behind the plastic couch or something

then when shes bent over kaboom! steal her key


kreecherlivesupstairs · 25/05/2011 08:21

I've decided that I'll leave the key in the front door and then claim to be in the garden smoking.
That's another thing, I ll just be standing there having a puff and she shouts over the garden wall 'is that another one Kreecher?'

OP posts:

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 25/05/2011 08:22

You could solve both problems here, just camp in the back garden.


kreecherlivesupstairs · 25/05/2011 08:26

Surprisingly enough, there is no grass in the back garden. It's just a yard of cement. Unless I can find a self supporting tent, I couldn't bash the tent pegs in.

OP posts:

Slightlyreluctantexpat · 25/05/2011 08:34

Sounds grim.

Definitely keep key in front door all the time.

Either buy new (cotton) bedding or book into Travelodge.

Answer over-the-fence comments with a dignified silence.


kreecherlivesupstairs · 25/05/2011 08:45

I don't answer. She is round the bend and, like I said, two more nights and I'm home free.

OP posts:

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 25/05/2011 10:42

could I be really rude (but feel like I 'know' you so its not that rude of me)

but why are you there anyway?

and next time she shouts that over the fence say 'no, the smoke is from the friction of outdoor, hardcore swinging sex' Grin


kreecherlivesupstairs · 26/05/2011 08:10

I am here because we are moving back to England in August. Me and DD, DH is staying on in Antwerp.
I am here to sort the school out and reclaim our house.
another sweaty night.

OP posts:

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 26/05/2011 08:12

wow sounds stressful and a non sweaty bed would be nice


QuintessentialOldMoo · 26/05/2011 08:12

I can feel a namechange: PolystyreneKreechy Or KreechyShrinkwrapped

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