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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a school should be able to look after a child for over an hour?

631 replies

pingu2209 · 24/05/2011 22:47

More of a "is my friend being unreasonable" or the school?

A mum friend of mine has a career job but can't afford a nanny. A nanny would cost all of her salary. She uses the before and after school club. She works 1 hour away and her husband works 1 1/2 hours away from school. She was phoned up and asked to come and collect her son as he had a temperature and a rash.

She said, "okay I will be there in about 1 1/4 hours." The school office said, "well we need you here asap, can you get someone to come in the next 10 mins?"

My friend said, "no, I don't have any family living near by and I am uncomfortable asking a friend to pick up my son who is ill and may be contagious."

The school said to her, "you need to have an emergency contact who can get here in under 10 mins."

She replied, "well that would be great in an ideal world, but we are not from here and have no family. A friend would pick up if I was running late, but as all my friends here have children, I can't ask them to pick up my son who is ill. I am just over an hour away but the longer I am on the phone to you the longer I will be. I need to make a couple of calls to cancel meetings etc. I can't just run out, I need about 15 mins just to close up my desk etc."

I understand that a school is there to educate our children, it is not childcare or a 'sick room'. However, surely they need to understand that if both parents are working and they don't have a nanny, one of them will be along as soon as possible.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
cornsilks · 25/05/2011 09:48

was it the school secretary or the Head who made the call?

diddl · 25/05/2011 09:49

Well I think as the little boy is only 5, it´s NU to try & get someone to him ASAP-and preferably under an hour tbh.

Once when I had been sick at primary school I was walked home in the breakShock

Mum didn´t go out to work, but I wonder what they would have done if she hadn´t been inConfused

SybilBeddows · 25/05/2011 09:50

Here's another thing to think about.
My dd's school (and ds's nursery) say they want to have met anyone who picks the child up.
This works in our village because everyone pretty much knows everyone, but in a less tiny community how is a parent with a wide pool of contacts (rather than one always-available one) supposed to manage that?

jaffacake79 · 25/05/2011 09:52

It seems to me that it's a little about the "blame culture". I.e. if the school don't call the parent and ask for the child to be picked up immediately and it transpires that something was indeed seriously wrong then they are being negligent in their duty of care.

The only time my Mum was called to come was when I collapsed in school with my appendix about to burst and even then one of the teachers drove me to the hospital and Mum met us there. The rest of the time I just sat in the school office or sick-room and got on the bus home as normal!

Sirzy · 25/05/2011 09:53

That shouldn't be to much of a problem - parent phones school and says "x is on the way" x arrives at school and introduces themselves, child is asked "do you know who this is" says yes its x and happily goes home to snuggle up and get better.

RantyMcRantpants · 25/05/2011 09:54

I am a SAHM and I don't drive so I walk every where, it is 30 mins walk to school minimum. If I take a taxi then it is £5.20 one way, so I would only get a taxi back with a sick child.

On one occasion when one of mine was ill, I was in the city at a hospital appointment, so my phone was off and it is a bus ride and then a train ride and then the walk to school to get there, so a good 2-3 hours or so. DH was on a school trip at the zoo, so couldn't get home as the only form of transport was the coach everyone had come in on. FIL who is the next contact was at a hospital appointment in a different hospital to me, so his phone was off and he was an 1.5 hours away anyway. My parents who were the next on the list were on holiday. When I put the phone on I had several messages so rang the school and they were really sniffy with me, especially when I told them there was no one else I could ring and I would be able to get there just before school finish to pick him up. But what more could I do? My DC had a bad headache BTW.

bruffin · 25/05/2011 09:59

"Why does your friend and her DH live so far from where they work?"

Do you really think that everyone can find decent paying jobs away near home?

When dcs started primary, I worked from home and DH was 15mins drive away. I then had to start working more in the office which was upto an hour aways depending on the trains. I was then made redundant and got a job 10 minutes walk away. DH got made redundant and his job is now an hours drive away.
DCs then got into a secondary school 7 miles away so to get there now takes an hour. by train and 20 minutes by car from home. There are usually 3 days a week one of us is home, but two days a week where we are both at least an hour away if non urgent, but i work for a car delearship so plenty of drivers around if really urgent, although I have now moved offices again and it is more awkward journey from work to school.

The one time DS was taken seriously ill (unconscious in an ambulance by the time i arrived) I was lucky to be given a lift to the school (I don't drive) DH was working away from the office and was 2 hours away.

The previous time he was very ill I was on the home phone having a very long chat with my mum,I was within shouting distance of the school and they couldn't get hold of me, which is one of the reasons I got a mobile phone. Luckily DH was still close by then and he got to the school before I did.
We don't have any family close by and although I have friends close by I wouldn't want to disturb them without it being absolutely necessary.

Smiler10 · 25/05/2011 10:00

It's not the school's job to look after sick children first and foremost. My partner is a teacher, and schools (primary schools in my experience) are so stretched that they don't have the resources to look after an ill child. I'm afraid that while school budgets are hacked back - so too are staffing numbers. The result of which is that it's unfair (and largely not possible) for schools to "lose" a member of staff to watch over a poorly child. Having said that - I think 10 mins is a little absurd. I think 30 mins is a reasonable time to expect a poorly child to be picked up.

kazmus · 25/05/2011 10:09

sorry ladies, and expect to be shot down in flames, but the school are right to set a short time limit to pick up sick children. Gone are the days when you could leave a child in the sick room, now they have to be attended at all times, which either means a member of staff having to stay with them or the child staying in the classroom contaminating all the other kids! Many a child has been sent to school having been vomitting that morning as work is more important than staying at home to do your duty there. The school probably do not expect the 10 minutes to be strictly adhered to, but have to employ such a tactic as too many parents try to leave their children till they fit in with their work plans.

Smiler10 · 25/05/2011 10:11

RantyMcRantPants,

I can sympathise with you but, the fact you don't drive isn't the school's problem is it? Like I previously said - is it fair on the rest of the children in that class/school to have to suffer as a result of a member of staff having to look after your child for 3 hours? And - how would you like it if your child didn't get as much 1-2-1 attention because another parent wasn't able to collect thier child for 3 hours?

Smiler10 · 25/05/2011 10:12

I'm with Kazmus on this 100%

ImeldaM · 25/05/2011 10:14

I think its very important if you work that far away & have no family nearby to have more local contacts. Your friend needs to go out of her way to meet people a bit more for that to happen, perhaps arranging more play dates for her DC's so that there are more contactable parents she knows.

I am SAHM and am contact for quite a few of my friends DC's & my DS's friends.

10mins is v unreasonable but over 1hour is too much as standard time for emergency contact to get there.

ImeldaM · 25/05/2011 10:16

And I agree that children are often sent to school when not well enough, have heard a few of DS friends say 'i was sick last night but I'm ok today'.

SybilBeddows · 25/05/2011 10:17

given that driving is neither compulsory nor possible for many people, the school just has to be realistic about the fact that some parents don't drive, so in a sense, yes it is the school's problem.

I don't think there's any excuse for not making the effort to get there as soon as you can, but schools need to recognise that they are in the real world in which not everyone drives, can afford to have a SAHP, lives near relatives, has healthy mobile relatives, works near school, etc etc.

kazmus · 25/05/2011 10:19

thank you smiler! I spent 18 years hovering around schools, before the days of mobile phones in case my daughter needed to be picked up as she had severe heart problems and would often need emergency help. Not the usual case I know, but I did it 'cause I was a mum..couldn't afford it but heigh ho, we got by. My dd died aged 24, but I know I was there for her at all times, number one priority, if the call comes answer it....simples!

Smiler10 · 25/05/2011 10:20

How can it possibly be the school's problem more than the parent's problem?!?!?

howabout · 25/05/2011 10:20

Smiler10 I think you are only seeing one side of the story. I don't see many teachers not being ill / going home for a family emergency because it would inconvenience their school and disrupt the education of the children they are in charge of. Therefore The same applies to parents of sick children who are probably only sick because they go to school to pick up all the bugs going.
I am a SAHM (who volunteers significant amounts of time at the school) and I do not go out with my mobile phone. My Dh has a desk job and is always conatctable by phone. In an emergency if I was away from home the school would contact him and he would be able to come up with the most appropriate course of action / alternate contact. Many jobs do not come with the luxury of being able to leave immediately to cover a family emergency and so working within 1 hour of school is no solution.
I wouldn't send my child to school if I thought they were coming down with something. I would not like a friend to have to decide how best to treat my sick child if the situation was so serious that something had to be done within an hour. The school is in loco parentis but a brownie leader is not - I do not think the situation is comparable.

Smiler10 · 25/05/2011 10:22

Oh - I'm really sorry to hear that Kazmus. You sound like a fantastic mummy if it's any consolation.....?

amicissima · 25/05/2011 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missorinoco · 25/05/2011 10:24

10 mins is a joke, YANBU, but that mother who stayed to have a soak in the bath whilst her daughter was unwell at brownies made me Shock.

SybilBeddows · 25/05/2011 10:25

Smiler - because if a parent has already done everything they can, there is nothing more they can do.
If you can't drive you can't drive. The school can't say 'Well you've got to!'

SardineQueen · 25/05/2011 10:26

It is making me really annoyed that people are suggesting, albeit in a subtle manner, that families who do not have a SAHP (read SAHM) or one with a nice local (less well paid) job are selfish and letting their children down.

Fortunately plenty of people on the thread with a bit of common sense.

lesley33 · 25/05/2011 10:28

At my primary school in the 70's we only had a nurse who came in to do checks. And at my large secondary school the nurse only came in for a few mornings a week. So generally sick children sat with the school secretary until, they were collected.

I can't believe the poster who says schools have less staff now because of the cuts! In the past there were no TA's. There was the Head, who mighta lso do somed teaching, the caretaker, school secretary, dinner ladies and the teachers - that was it! Teachers had to take turns supervising the playgrounds. The reality is that there were far less school staff in the past, but they still managed.

kazmus · 25/05/2011 10:29

I was, and that's the hardest part, the word was....just love your babies evey minute, they are all that matters, don't waste time on trivialities or arguements life is too too short. :( Sorry, bad day!

AnnieLobeseder · 25/05/2011 10:29

That's nuts. You could be anywhere, even as a SAHM, and need time to get to school. That's why they have a sick room! 10 minutes is a crazy ask.