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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a school should be able to look after a child for over an hour?

631 replies

pingu2209 · 24/05/2011 22:47

More of a "is my friend being unreasonable" or the school?

A mum friend of mine has a career job but can't afford a nanny. A nanny would cost all of her salary. She uses the before and after school club. She works 1 hour away and her husband works 1 1/2 hours away from school. She was phoned up and asked to come and collect her son as he had a temperature and a rash.

She said, "okay I will be there in about 1 1/4 hours." The school office said, "well we need you here asap, can you get someone to come in the next 10 mins?"

My friend said, "no, I don't have any family living near by and I am uncomfortable asking a friend to pick up my son who is ill and may be contagious."

The school said to her, "you need to have an emergency contact who can get here in under 10 mins."

She replied, "well that would be great in an ideal world, but we are not from here and have no family. A friend would pick up if I was running late, but as all my friends here have children, I can't ask them to pick up my son who is ill. I am just over an hour away but the longer I am on the phone to you the longer I will be. I need to make a couple of calls to cancel meetings etc. I can't just run out, I need about 15 mins just to close up my desk etc."

I understand that a school is there to educate our children, it is not childcare or a 'sick room'. However, surely they need to understand that if both parents are working and they don't have a nanny, one of them will be along as soon as possible.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
GiddyPickle · 27/05/2011 07:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Goblinchild · 27/05/2011 08:06

'different parents have different thresholds of concern.'

I love that phrase, can I add it to my list of useful vocabulary please? Smile

Goblinchild · 27/05/2011 08:09

Please don't think as parents we are anything like this hypersensitive about rules, regulations and procedures. Or as relatives to other children.
Only in The Job.

GiddyPickle · 27/05/2011 08:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

howabout · 27/05/2011 08:51

Is there some sort of rule which prevents schools from informing parents if a pupil has been sick in class? Especially when my DC were young if this happened then they were almost guaranteed to catch something. If the school forewarned me I could have been more alert to signs of illness and more inclined to stay within easy reach should I be called to collect a sick child. Does this fall under the same category as not informing me about headlice outbreaks lest I be offended?

Feenie · 27/05/2011 09:23

Pinch away, Goblinchild Grin

StealthPolarBear · 27/05/2011 10:56

So Giddypickle, something has to give

Either:

  • A parent (or contact who is willing to collect and care for a sick child) must make sure they are within a reasonable distance (20 mins - half an hour?) of the school at all times, and must never get involved in something they can't drop immediately or
  • Schools must sacrifice one member of staff to be "on guard" whenever a child is ill or
  • parents accept that the school will care for children when they are sick in a similar way to the way we do and schools accept that all loving parents want to get to their sick children as soon as they can but sometimes this cannot be within half an hour

Something has to happen, which is it?

GiddyPickle · 27/05/2011 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PlanetEarth · 27/05/2011 12:23

I don't see why a member of staff has to be sacrificed. Most schools have a a staffed office, so what's wrong with a corner of the office?

Sirzy · 27/05/2011 12:43

Because then the office staff are still taken away from there tasks. The child can't be sat there then ignored. It's what happens and it's the most logical answer but it's not ideal.

AbigailS · 27/05/2011 12:46

PlanetEarth - Our office isn't big enough and there is the issue of confidentiality for things going on in the office. I know a sick child is unlikely to take it in, but if the secretary or head was having a conversation about your child would you be happy with others hearing his/her comments? e.g. they've just bitten another child, or discussing with an SEN advisor about their learning or behavioural issues.
And as mentioned earlier that assumes there is someone fulltime in the office and if there is it ties them to that room, and if the child is suffering / vomiting the constant one-to-one care of that child. Parents might think it only happens very rarely, as their child is rarely ill, but in a school of 300+ children it is sometimes a daily occurance and sometimes three plus children at a time.

stealthsquiggle · 27/05/2011 13:02

I am not sure what the "right" answer is, but am Shock that any school would expect someone to be within 10 minutes of the school. DH and I are often over 2 hours away (not always at the same time, but sometimes) and my parents, who would be the alternative, might well be an hour or more away as (shock, horror) they have lives too...

Fortunately I can't see DC's school ever having this expectation as it is a boarding school (DC don't board) so has the staff and facilties to deal with whatever the DC can throw (up) at them. However, there must be a 'standard' policy for primary schools which doesn't involve having a parent or other contact on permanent standby at the school gates, surely?

StealthPolarBear · 27/05/2011 14:37

Sirzy because apparenlty the staff cannot nip to the loo in case the child takes a turn for the worse.
I personally think with a bit of planning and a bit of creativity and flexibility as the situation arises, the situation could be handled, but apparently not.

clam · 27/05/2011 16:07

"I personally think with a bit of planning and a bit of creativity and flexibility as the situation arises, the situation could be handled, but apparently not."
How about the parent doing that creative thinking by having a backup plan, instead of expecting someone else to take the responsibility - and subsequent blame if something goes wrong?

onlion · 27/05/2011 16:18

Some parents dont HAVE a back up plan. Myself included.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 27/05/2011 16:18

The 'right answer' is that we do the best we can with what we've got.

Parent/carer tries to get to school as soon as possible without breaking any laws and school have to give the best care they can in the interim however long that may be. That does, however, mean that a sick child will be left unsupervised more often than not, though unsupervised usually means on a chair outside the office in full view of passing staff. There are obvious exceptions to that - I'm thinking of bad head injury, something involving lots of blood or a seizure for example when you bite the bullet and supervise constantly whilst possibly waiting for an ambulance.

It's not rocket science really.

clam · 27/05/2011 16:30

And many schools don't HAVE backup staff.

But the least those parents who don't, could be a little more grateful appreciative of the efforts that schools go to to look after their children.

Peachy · 27/05/2011 16:35

'What did they do in the 'olden days' when we didnt have mobile phones and could not contact parents?

smashed my head open one day at school, Mum was put so the teacher took me to A&E

goodnes knows who covered his class

onlion · 27/05/2011 16:37

Surely during school hours, the children are under the care of the school. Just because the child has had to be taken out of class doesnt mean that care ends or is then over and above what they are responsible for. Until a parent can get there , it is the school's responsibility. A parent can only try and get there as soon as they can.
Im pretty amazed there isnt a facility for when kids are "out of class" at most schools. (serious accidents aside).

Peachy · 27/05/2011 16:38

I don;t have backup plans

From September mine will be at 4 schools, due to SN; I might be able (and it's a big might as she works) to scarmable a neighbour in a dead emergency but nobody for the otehr boys as I know nobody who lives where the schools are, family over an hour away and don;t drive.

if only it were otehrwise tbh. Luckily it's only beeen me that[s lost out (had a head injury adn couldn;t get cover so had to not go to A&E, dh was uuncontactable in an exam)

onlion · 27/05/2011 16:38

peachy our school had a sick bay

Peachy · 27/05/2011 16:41

Onlion, hwen I hurt my head it neededs stitching so wasn't a sick bay case.

Our school now has a sick bay but if tehre is a child occupying it then ds1 (ASD) loses his TA as she is the designated person

stealthsquiggle · 27/05/2011 16:47

Peachy - my DM has driven children with broken arms and gashed heads to A&E in the past (when teaching) - not sure what they did with her class, or why they didn't call an ambulance - but I remember one story she told of child with broken bone sticking out of arm, who she said was fine (with her frantically distracting him) right up until he looked at his arm - at which point he threw up all over DM's car....

I would assume that someone else was back at school frantically trying to reach his parents at the time.

Feenie · 27/05/2011 16:57

At age 7, I fell backwards in the playground and banged my head. The dinner ladies left me vomiting in the toilet for the rest of lunchtime, and I was sick 8 times (I counted Smile). They didn't call my mother at all, the teacher did straight after lunch - was kept in hospital with concussion. Hmm My mother went ballistic.

paranoid2 · 27/05/2011 17:03

I dont live in London but in the suburbs of a much less busy city where we both work. I pick DT's up from school each day after work but it takes me an hour to get from my desk, to the car park and then to the school each day, We have a local contact ie the childminder who we only use at holiday time but she is not on call and could easily be shopping or away somewhere if she got a call. I suspect most emergency contacts are like that. Whilst its not desirable for a child to be waiting an hour, I cant think of anything else we could do . We have no family at all here and most of my friends work also. Our only alternative would be to move DT's to a school near work which would be completely impractical also and no guarantee that work will be in the same location or any location in the future. I regard myself as having the best and practical back up plan that I have. I take the point about the school having to find cover etc but surely in any school there is a mix of pupils, some parents live/work nearby or have families that live/work nearly, Some are not so lucky and cant get there as quick. I think its reasonable to expect parents to give a number of emergency contact details but they have to be reasonable and appreciate that in all cases things arent going to work out as they would like. I think other parents would be sympathetic to a situation where a teacher had to cover another for an hour once in a while

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