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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a school should be able to look after a child for over an hour?

631 replies

pingu2209 · 24/05/2011 22:47

More of a "is my friend being unreasonable" or the school?

A mum friend of mine has a career job but can't afford a nanny. A nanny would cost all of her salary. She uses the before and after school club. She works 1 hour away and her husband works 1 1/2 hours away from school. She was phoned up and asked to come and collect her son as he had a temperature and a rash.

She said, "okay I will be there in about 1 1/4 hours." The school office said, "well we need you here asap, can you get someone to come in the next 10 mins?"

My friend said, "no, I don't have any family living near by and I am uncomfortable asking a friend to pick up my son who is ill and may be contagious."

The school said to her, "you need to have an emergency contact who can get here in under 10 mins."

She replied, "well that would be great in an ideal world, but we are not from here and have no family. A friend would pick up if I was running late, but as all my friends here have children, I can't ask them to pick up my son who is ill. I am just over an hour away but the longer I am on the phone to you the longer I will be. I need to make a couple of calls to cancel meetings etc. I can't just run out, I need about 15 mins just to close up my desk etc."

I understand that a school is there to educate our children, it is not childcare or a 'sick room'. However, surely they need to understand that if both parents are working and they don't have a nanny, one of them will be along as soon as possible.

Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
saggarmakersbottomknocker · 26/05/2011 18:03

I say - get here as soon as you can.

I'd be thinking ' I'll stand further back next time, please don't be sick again and I hope I don't get whatever bug you've got'.

He'd be on a chair outside the office for the forseeable. I can't have him in the office because I have no room, I have cash around and have to bob in and out too. He wouldn't be supervised all the time though and I do think that's an issue - he was 6 so they are prone to wandering around at that age and also it's not nice for a 6 year old to be vomitting in a bucket on their own. We don't have a 10 minute rule.

Actually I'd forgotten - I had a child whose parent wasn't contactable at all today - I left a message and she rang back about 2 hours later, 30 minutes before pick-up time. Her little girl had to go back to class where she had a little sleep. She had a temp.

Original poster
pingu2209 · 26/05/2011 18:11

Saggarmakersbottomknocker - I think that is a reasonable attitude.

What do schools feel about parents who don't have a mobile phone? I'm wondering because I have lost mine for the last week - no sign of it. I can't afford the cost of replacing it for a little while - not till July. The school would have no way of contacting me if I wasn't at home.

Feenie - I agree, poor child, but in the example, the mum is doing all she can to get back as quickly as possible.

OP posts:
Feenie · 26/05/2011 18:19

I've never said that anyone wasn't trying to get back as soon as possible.

seeker · 26/05/2011 18:21

I wonder how long two hours feels to a 5 year old?

SoupDragon · 26/05/2011 18:39

"The school would have no way of contacting me if I wasn't at home."

They would phone the next person on your contact list.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 26/05/2011 18:47

I don't particularly have an issue with parents not having mobiles. Someone should be contactable whether that's a friend or relative or neighbour - it does get me down if I can't contact anyone at all. The incident today - we only have mum's mobile, it went to answer machine, I left a message and then texted too (personally I rarely pick up my voicemail). I would however, be annoyed if a parent seemed unwilling to make the effort to collect a child, but as long as they're doing their best to get here and are contactable in the meantime then I'm not going to get my knickers in a twist about it. It's inconvenient to be supervising a sick child, absolutely, but as a working parent myself I know it's difficult.

Maybe the secretary in the OP was having a bad day (we do sometimes Smile); maybe it was her fifth sick child/first aid emergency of the day and she was at the end of her rope.

Maryz · 26/05/2011 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 26/05/2011 19:12

My first child started in school in 1992 so before mobiles were common - I didn't have one 'til 2000. School had my home number, my work number, dh's work number and my parents home number. We managed - I made it school when I had a 'we've called 999' phone call - arrived at the same time as the ambulance. Never moved so fast in my life Shock

LauraSmurf · 26/05/2011 19:13

In a school I have worked in previously if you did not have a contact who could collect inside 30 mins on more than 1 occassion social services are called.

Also as a school we are obliged to consider health of staff and other children.

Finally schools do not have sickrooms or nurses routinely anymore, your friend is being unreasonable.

Hulababy · 26/05/2011 19:17

edam - DD is as the prep school called A; wasn't your school SHS? Furtherst distance in DD's class is about 30 min. In our experience though, a least one parent either lives or works within the city.

Mind you, the school still expects you to come asap and would expect them to be within the hour - ime.

I suspect SHS is different as it tends to cover a much wider catchment, esp in the senior section.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 26/05/2011 19:21

Maryz - they did used to just turn you out in the old days didn't they? I've spent the afternoon sat on the step a few times myself. We'd get shot if we did that these days.

Northernlurker · 26/05/2011 19:24

I work ten minutes away from school but dh is an hour away at least. Our parents live 2 and 5 hours away respectively. No I don't have anyone that I can ask to disrupt my day and pick up my sick child if I can't. If I am unavailable then they would just have to wait till dh can get back. That's just how it is. OP - your friend was not unreasonable and I would be livid at the school's response.

Original poster
pingu2209 · 26/05/2011 19:34

Laurasmurf - seriously? I had no idea that it would be a social services issue. They would need to call social services on me then. I'm contact 1, dh is contact 2 and my mum is contact 3. If they can't get me and go to my dh or my mum neither can get back within 30 mins.

Do you think that is purely the school or is that a nationwide rule?

OP posts:
onlion · 26/05/2011 19:36

i just read the OP. i work an hour away from the school and have no family here. id be in the same boat.
now will read the rest

Hulababy · 26/05/2011 19:37

Pngu - it is not the policy at my school nor DD's school to call SS after 30 minutes. TBH we wouldn't call SS unless we were unable to contact parents, and parents hadn't shown up or contacted us, after school ended - and then we would give them a certain length of time. No idea how long, but school would be getting concerned after no contact 30 minutes later, and definitely be worried an hour after school ended. But then you are dealing with possible abandonment, hence the need to take it further.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 26/05/2011 19:39

Same as Hulababy at our school.

onlion · 26/05/2011 19:40

This has worried me a lot. If i was called during a lecture I wouldnt be able to leave until I was finished.

Hulababy · 26/05/2011 19:42

Would you not be able to cancel the lecture or get someone in to cover you?

I used to worry whe I wa teaching, but when I was called and needed quite quickly I was suprised at how quickly I was able to sort something out, and in the ase of sixth form, cancel a lesson and leave work to do independently very quickly.

onlion · 26/05/2011 19:45

No I couldnt, no one can cover. Especially if i was already into the lecture

Sirzy · 26/05/2011 19:46

I think calling SS would be very extreme and can't see them taking it very seriously unless there is a lot more history surely?

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 26/05/2011 19:48

onlion - if it was a 999 type emergency you'd just make your excuses and leave surely? Otherwise you get there when you can.

onlion · 26/05/2011 19:50

Yes, 999 i would have to. Would be a hideous situation with my 4 day residential masters courses though. School pick up within 10 minutes impossible. School pick up for feeling a bit poorly would be a nightmare!

LauraSmurf · 26/05/2011 20:03

I will say it is just one school I have been. I. That was particular about SS. All the others have been insistanr on pickup within an hour, but nothing more extreme than that.

smokinaces · 26/05/2011 20:11

I am (like many) of the generation where Grandmothers arent retired yet. Therefore, DS1's school have me down as first emergency contact - only a 15 minute drive to work, but have meetings/no mobile in office. Then my Mum - who is a teacher, so unable to just drop and run. And his Dad, who works up to an hours commute away in a manual job and wouldnt be able to be there in ten minutes either.

What else can you do? I cant give up my job as a single parent. I cant expect my Mum as his 2nd emergency contact to either. Or his dad.

In fact in the snow last year we had a phone call asking us to pick them up as it was snowing hard. I am normally a 15 minute drive away. However I could not get out of the town at all. Every road was blocked by hills/snow/lorries. After 90 minutes they rung me again, saying they were closing - to which I replied "I am bloody trying to get to you". I was in tears, as I just couldnt get anywhere. I eventually parked and walked the last 30 minutes, and got there at 2pm (they rung at 11am). They were not impressed......

Your friend WNBU. at the end of the day she was trying to get there ASAP.

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops · 26/05/2011 20:15

We had an emergency situation in school once after school. No-one else around apart from a colleague (another classroom teacher) and myself. Girl collapsed, in agony, clutching her lower abdomen, unable to talk. The only thing we could do was call an ambulance, then her parents. Neither parent was able to get to us in time, but her mum eventually came to the hospital. The other teacher went with the girl in the ambulance, I followed behind in the car, and we both stayed with her until her mum was there and we knew that she was going to be OK. I then drove the other teacher back to school to get her car.
During the school day, that wouldn't have been the case. In a proper emergency, a member of office staff (first aider preferably) would have gone with her, but as it was after school and neither of us were sure of protocol, we thought it better to both go (never be alone with a child and all that, plus she really needed support, poor girl.)

It turned out to be a burst cyst of some sort. She had to have surgery and it was all quite serious, so I'm very glad we didn't mess around waiting for the parents to arrive. Was a bit annoyed though, at the dad's attitude (I'm a very busy man, can't you deal with it?)

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