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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed about this?

53 replies

CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 24/05/2011 12:34

My friend works on a Tuesday and a Friday. She has a 9 month old baby boy and 2 older children that are at school. Yesterday she phoned me and asked me if I would look after her baby today as her childminder phoned yesterday and is ill. I agreed as the family members she would normally ask are all busy, and her husband works Monday-Friday.

She dropped her son off at 8am this morning (picking him up at 5). It turns out that her husband has a day of annual leave today and is going to have a "chill out" morning, then has a doctors appointment at 1.30pm, that is why they needed me to have their son today.

I am quite annoyed really; if he is on annual leave surely he should have looked after their DC today. They live very locally so he could easily have dropped the baby here for his doctors appointment. I don't see why I should have to look after a baby (in addition to my 1 year old) from 8-5 just so he can have a day relaxing. I mean, we'd all like a childfree day to relax wouldn't we?

Their DS is very cute but is very demanding and I've literally had to hold him from the minute they arrived or he screams, so not easy babysitting by any means.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Hammy02 · 24/05/2011 12:36

YANBU. Unless her DP is going to the doctors for something serious and wants time to himself before & after? Just a thought.

cuteboots · 24/05/2011 12:37

YANBU and if he didnt want to take the baby to the doctors appointment then they could have arranged to drop him off on the way.

squeakytoy · 24/05/2011 12:39

You didnt "have" to look after the child, you had the choice to say no.

pallymama · 24/05/2011 12:40

When she comes to pick him up, can you ask her what day would be suitable for her to return the favour?

emsyj · 24/05/2011 12:41

YANBU. There is a world of difference between helping someone out of a hole (both need to work but no childcare) and giving someone a treat (child free day).

YellowDinosaur · 24/05/2011 12:43

There would be nothing wrong with her asking you to do this IF she had told you at the time that her dh was having a chill out morning. He might have good reason to need this - for eg he might be on he brink of a nervous breakdown or facing a life threatening diagnosis. You could have then said 'sorry but I am pretty stressed at the moment too with my own child - i'll have him for the doctors appt sure but your dh will have to have him this am'. Or thought 'her dh must need a break if he can't look after his son so fair enough'. But it would have been an informed choice.

However to ask you this and not tell you about her dh is out of order. I'd be tempted to call her (or her dh) and ask that he collects his son after the docs appt since he is obviously upset at yours and you are not able to look after your own child or do any of the things you need to get done.

QuackQuackSqueak · 24/05/2011 12:44

Bloody cheek!

mycatoscar · 24/05/2011 12:45

YANBU but is this friend normally one to take advantage? If not then maybe give her to benefit of the doubt incase the dh is going to gp about something serious.

Is there anyway her dh is being the unreasonable one and that she didnt know about the day off when she asked you? And that he is now saying well callmebubbles already said she'd do it, so I'm having a day off?

I think if it was me I would say something though.

justforthisonepost · 24/05/2011 12:47

They are taking the piss.

Dropdeadfred · 24/05/2011 12:48

maybe the dh is worried about his gp appointment..?is he ill?
just a mad thought, but YANBU

GooGooMuck · 24/05/2011 12:48

Yanbu. with the information you've got I'd be fuming.

loiner45 · 24/05/2011 12:55

there is another possibility - that she trusts you with the child more than she does him. if it is a very needy baby (sounds like it) and he has a short temper (esp when feeling ill) then she might have just felt a whole lot safer leaving baby with you not him - knowing that you would cope and he might not.

horriblemotheragain · 24/05/2011 12:59

loiner45 - good point. But still, you should have been told the situation. i would not want to look after someone else's child from 8-5 for any reason*, let alone just 'chilling out'! Wouldn't we all love to chill out all morning?!

*obviously in a real emergency i would happily do it, but it's a long time to have someone else's child unpaid (presumably).

Original poster

CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 24/05/2011 13:11

From what my friend said this morning, his doctors appointment is for routine blood tests that he has three-monthly for a medical condition he has.

I'm not sure if their baby is as needy at home as he seems to be here as they are always saying what a contented baby he is and how good he is. I think he's a bit upset as obviously his routine is different and he doesn't know me as well as he knows his childminder. As far as I know her husband looks after him regularly if she goes out or does overtime at weekends. They have two older children so I guess he's an experienced father.

I know I didn't have to have him as such, but my friend made out she was in a real pickle and that she was desperate to find someone to have him. I felt a bit put on the spot and decided to help her out of a hole. If I'd have known the full story then I wouldn't have agreed.

OP posts:

Original poster

CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 24/05/2011 13:12

horriblemotheragain, yes it's unpaid.

OP posts:

thumbwitch · 24/05/2011 13:13

She should have told you all the info up front so you could make a decision whether or not to facilitate his chillout morning. I wouldnt' be happy finding that out afterwards either - but I guess you won't fall for that one again, will you so she has done herself no favours.

I think mostly YANBU.

QuackQuackSqueak · 24/05/2011 13:25

That's seriously out of order. Are you going to tell her how pissed off you are?

Original poster

CallMeBubblesEverybodyDoes · 24/05/2011 13:27

I agree Thumbwitch, like you say I won't fall for that one again.

Quack, I don't know TBH; I don't really want to fall out with her, so will just say no if she asks me for favours in future.

OP posts:

fgaaah · 24/05/2011 13:29

That is absolutely taking the piss, it really really is.

That isn't an emergency. That's just lazy parenting. I would not agree to it again. The understanding was that her childcare arrangments had broken down (that's fine - it all happens to us at some point) NOT that he DH didn't want to look after his own child.

Also loiner, you said there is another possibility - that she trusts you with the child more than she does him.

But it's not the OP's responsibility to cover for a shit dad, is it?

fgaaah · 24/05/2011 13:30

In fact, the OP would be enabling the dad's behavour (shit / lazy parenting) to continue by covering for him.

I.e. it is in the longterm best interests of bubs and OP's friend to not able this behaviour even if the real reason is that he can't be trusted to look after his own child.

Therefore, my answer is still to be pissed if it was me. Not fair to put OP in that situation. Not her responsibility, ultimately.

QuackQuackSqueak · 24/05/2011 13:31

You could always tell her that you had thought it was an emergency and as you had errands/things to do/plans that day you wouldn't have babysat if you had realised it wasn't.

Not confrontational but lets her know she was cheeky and she put you out.

diddl · 24/05/2011 13:33

I´d would have taken baby home to the husband tbh.

TeeBee · 24/05/2011 13:37

To be honest, I would go back to her and say 'You know I don't mind having your DS to help you out but I was going to have to cancel some of my plans for that day to cover it. If your DH is actually going to be at home now, could he cover half the day so I don't need to make all these cancellations'. Bloody cheek of it.

QuackQuackSqueak · 24/05/2011 13:37

I also wouldn't babysit for them even if they have a real need. If it means one of them has to take a day off work then tough. Why should YOU pick up the slack! You said you would have been happy for him to drop baby off while he went to the docs but I have been to so many appointments with my children, doctors, smears, antenatel appointments, blood tests, physio, all sorts of things. It's just what you have to do as a parent and it's time they got used to it.

QuackQuackSqueak · 24/05/2011 13:39

Also is he off all day? If so ask him to come and get his baby after the doctors and say what I suggested.

I know I keep posting but I'm really pissed off on your behalf!

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