MIL christened/blessed my DC

[jubaloo22]

With out me knowing?!

We were talking about the end of the world, good being saved thing on Saturday when MIL says she christened both my children when they were babies so they would be fine! When asked what she ment she said when she was looking after them she rubbed water over their heads in the shape of a cross and said "Jesus i give this baby to you... bla bla" .

Now reading this back its just made me laugh which i should really do, but, i'm not religious and if my children want to be they have the choice to when they're older. I made my point clear about this when they were young and its more of a how dare she! If i wanted to 'Give' my children to Jesus then i would of done it myself with a big party and lots of wine .

AIBU and should i just laugh about it as there not much i can do now anyway?

Lutheran here and I think it's absolutely about boundaries; as far as your MIL is concerned it is a ceremony that means something and she was prepared to do it behind your back- doesn't exactly bode well for her respecting your wishes in the future.

I am on the fence here (agnostic / atheist for context).

I do think that given you believe its all bollocks then what she actually did is just water and words and can be laughed off.

However the boundaries issue is potentially a concern. You know whether this is an issue with your mil or not. If she has a tendancy to disregard your feelings about other stuff then for me this may well the the straw that broke the camels back. On the other hand if she is usually respectful of your feelings and parenting decisions and you think she was genuinly doing something she thought was important for the childrens souls then I'd be more inclined to overlook it. If she is somewhere in the middle then I would probably be watching her a little more closely for a while to ensure that she isn't disregarding you on other more important matters.

I do think its interesting that in general the atheists on this thread think its OK and the religious MNers that its not! WHen you might intuitively expect it to be the other way round!

There were debates in the C of E about whether midwives could christen babies.

Theologically, the point is that all mainstream brands of Christianity (Catholicism, C of E, Orthodoxy, etc. etc.) baptize people 'in the name of the Trinity'. This is the bit that everyone agrees defines you as Christian; if you are for example marrying cross-denomination, you'll be asked if you were baptized in the name of the Trinity.

What the heck 'giving them to Jesus' does*, I have no idea.

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*'does' .... well you know what I mean. What it's theologically thought to do.

My SIL belonged to some weirdo cult church which amongst other things didn't do infant baptism.

Instead there was a service where the child's life was "dedicated to the service of the Lord"

GOod post Yellowdinosaur - if your MIL is generally a nice old soul OP then it's fine to shrug it off as tha harmless superstitious silliness it is. If she's going to try and peddle superstitous crap to the children and try to pass on the many nasty toxic values that a lot of the mainstream myth brands do have, then you need to have a sharp word with her about it and make sure that any nonsense about gods is politely but firmly contradicted to DC.

I wouldn't care, because I don't believe sprinkling a little water on a baby's head and saying a charm affectionately over their head would have any impact on their lives, or upbringing. But it could make a big difference to a grandparent's ability to rest easy at night, without worrying about their beloved grandchild Going Somewhere Nasty.

Fortunately in this day and age it can be ignored as a piece of superstitious nonsense, harmless to a baby (FSMs 4 year old being 'healed' is far more serious) - hopefully stories like this belong firmly in another time and place!

Although as I said before that it didn't do any harm it does highlight that Christian belief outweighs the needs, laws and morals of others. The example used further back about circumcision made me shudder because that could seem just as reasonable to someone (for the child's good and the grandparent's peace of mind)

MOL bless all of mine too when she first met them as babies.

Just as well as it took us 17 month to 4 years to get any of them baptised properly and she would probably have had an aneurysm waiting that long if she hadn't done it herself

Are there people who couldn't see the magnitude of circumcision and would do it without the parents' permission?

Actually, I think I remember a post on here about some in-laws who had it performed behind the mother's back (Frith's teeth!), so strike that.

Surely performing a circumcision without parental consent is illegal?

Here, certainly.

The poster wasn't in the UK, though. Even if it had been/was illegal, I got the impression the in-laws wouldn't have cared about that, though.

it is indeed possible for anyone to carry out a baptism in an emergency - there was a very famous historical case where the consequences were felt all around Europe - the boy was called Edgardo Mortara - details here.

I'm not a Christian - but SOME Christians (not all) believe you will go to hell if you are not baptised - so of course they would want to baptise what they consider to be 'innocent' babies that they love. I think it's daft, but I understand the impulse to do it - if my MIL or mother had done it to my children I would have just shrugged it off as something that made them happy but had no impact on me or my children (who as far as I know remain unbaptised!!)

I'm a Christian but I don't think it's right for your MIL to take this out of your hands and decide for you if it's not something you agree with. Of course if you're an atheist I can see you migh think it doesn't matter, I'd be more annoyed about her taking control of this and not consulting you

Well, I wouldn't consider them baptised. I'd just consider it that she said a little prayer over them. And that it lets her sleep easy at night.

Now, if she brought them down to the church and had them properly baptised, then I'd be seriously cross.

The story of Edgardo Mortara gives me chills. Those poor parents!

You know I have been tempted to do that though I never have.I do believe in baptism though dd and ds-i-l dont so neither boy is baptised.I often wonder,'Where's the harm if I never tell anyone?'but somehow I just cant bring myself to do it-I dont believe 'God' discriminates against babies because of their parents' honestly held opinions so I too must respect those opinions-their children,their decision.
Ironically my Turkish dgd had both a Christening and a Muslim naming ceremony.

To me it would be no different to a couple of children role playing and pretending. In other words, meaningless.

Nothing physical has been done to the child, so I would just smile and say "riiiiiiight, well let me know when you are going to be free in a few years and you can save me a fortune on paying a vicar for the use of his church too when we have a wedding coming up"..

I'd be annoyed at MIL doing something like this, but I'd consider it just as a blessing rather than a christening. I would be wary of any indoctrination she might impose on the DC as they get older though.

However, when children are of an age to decide how and which faith they wish to follow, something like this will not be important. How many people out there were baptised in infancy, but no longer worship, or have taken a different faith since, I wonder.

Goodness me lol! Sounds like something my MIL would do. Unless she is a religious minister or preacher or whatever, it is not legit anyway. I would just point that little fact out to her and find the whole thing funny.

Look on it as a kind of free fire insurance valid for all eternity .

A kitchen sink baptism, so what? My sister was baptised like this by my aunt, I think all the washing up was still on the draining board. Later on when my mother was back in her right mind she was baptised properly. Coming from an Irish Catholic family the chances are you would not be bothered by this in the least.

Some of the answers here are hysterical; boundaries, respect, weird etc etc. all used to describe a granny showing a bit of love and concern for the eternal soul of a child she clearly adores. What are grannies for if not to do things to your kids that you don't quite like but do no harm at all.

Let it go.............

Dedication is done in churches that firmly believe that it is very much up to the individual to make a decision for themselves as the bible calls for us' to believe and be baptised' which a baby clearly cannot do and they wouldn't want to spoil a time when they chose to be baptised for themselves by already having done it. A dedication is not weird any more than a marriage or funeral in a church is.

What if she had kissed the child on the forehead and said God Bless You?

MN seems to be obsessed about minor infringements of parental rights to control everything that goes on their children's lives. Or rather, in this case, the fear of it, because really, it is pretty minor

YANBU but I would really let it go - it isn't really a big deal in the scheme of things and is ultimately about her love for your children. Boundaries do need to be set tho if this is a more general problem ...