Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL christened/blessed my DC

111 replies

jubaloo22 · 23/05/2011 19:27

With out me knowing?!

We were talking about the end of the world, good being saved thing on Saturday when MIL says she christened both my children when they were babies so they would be fine! When asked what she ment she said when she was looking after them she rubbed water over their heads in the shape of a cross and said "Jesus i give this baby to you... bla bla" .

Now reading this back its just made me laugh which i should really do, but, i'm not religious and if my children want to be they have the choice to when they're older. I made my point clear about this when they were young and its more of a how dare she! If i wanted to 'Give' my children to Jesus then i would of done it myself with a big party and lots of wine .

AIBU and should i just laugh about it as there not much i can do now anyway?

OP posts:
frakyouveryverymuch · 23/05/2011 19:48

In fact the Vatican hold that anyone can baptise anyone using the approved wording and some water as long as the intent is there.

'In case of necessity, however, not only a priest or deacon, but even a layman or woman, nay, even a pagan or heretic can baptize, provided he observes the form used by the Church, and intends to perform what the Church performs.' Council of Trent

But if your MIL did what she says then it doesn't sound like baptism to me.

frakyouveryverymuch · 23/05/2011 19:50

Oh no, sorry - it's the Decree of the Armenians. Council of Trent is the one which says it's wrong to say they can't.

kaid100 · 23/05/2011 19:50

You'd need to ask a priest or vicar to be sure, but my understanding is that christening by a non-priest is meant to only be for emergencies (e.g someone who hasn't got long enough left to get a priest to them) but that it still counts as a christening assuming your MIL got the words and actions right. There was a 19th century case of a baby called Edgardo Mortara who was christened by a 14-year old without the parents knowing, but it was ruled that the christening was valid and Edgardo was now a Christian.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emergency_baptism

zukiecat · 23/05/2011 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustKeepSwimming · 23/05/2011 19:51

My MIL threatened to do this with her first GC (DH's nephew) as the parents hadn't done it for a few months.
I was quite freaked by the idea she might do this to our as-then-unborn DC that i had long chats with DH about it.
BIL & SIL did get their DC christened in the end so she never had to carry out her threat, and by the time our DC came along she seems to have forgotten about how 'worried for their little souls' she would be Hmm

She doesn't go to church btw.

Not sure if DH ever set her straight about our preferences either.

fedupofnamechanging · 23/05/2011 19:51

It's wrong for her to do something in secret with your children that she knows you will not approve of. It makes you wonder what else she says/does in your absence. For this reason i would not be happy.

That said, she genuinely feels she is protecting your DC by doing this. If you don't believe in God then what she's done means bugger all really. Not like you have strong religious beliefs and she took them to a church of a different religion and had them joined (can't think of a better word) into a different faith.

I think I'd try to overcome feeling cross and just put it down to her trying to do what she sincerely believed to be a good thing.

MmeBlueberry · 23/05/2011 19:51

You don't have to be Christian to baptise another person. The efficacy of the sacrament is not brought about by humans but by the grace of God.

JamieAgain · 23/05/2011 19:53

What if she'd kissed them on the forehead/ That's what I'd see it as being like. A small ceremonial act, as karma says.

Everyone seems very anti-MIL today

onagar · 23/05/2011 19:55

Well the good news is that when she did it nothing happened because nothing does happen when people get baptised/christened.

But the real point is that as some others have said she did it knowing you wouldn't like it. That's wrong on principle.

Still it was probably a sudden impulse and not planned so I'd probably let it go.

harecare · 23/05/2011 19:56

Agree with JaimeAgain. If you don't believe then it's meaningless so who cares, if you do believe then at least they've been a bit christened and you can hold a proper christening whenever you like.

SauvignonBlanche · 23/05/2011 19:57

If you believe it all, something sacred has happened, if you don't nothing has happened.

Jonnyfan · 23/05/2011 19:58

A Catholic can Baptise as long as they pour the water whilst saying the words "I Baptise you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit", as far as I remember from what the nuns taught us!

LRDTheFeministDragon · 23/05/2011 20:00
Shock

Wow. I can't believe that not one, btw two people on this thread have family this crazy.

Please - if you can't bring yourself to do what Tatty said, could you ask her how she'd feel if you did?!

I know this doesn't matter in any real sense as you don't believe it and she's got a strange grasp on theology .... but what's going to happen next time you choose to do something with your children that she happens to disagree with?

saffy85 · 23/05/2011 20:02

YANBU to be a bit pissed off, however don't let it piss you off too much- your MIL is clearly batty. Had my MIL done something like this (doubtful- she's not the type but her slightly mad challenging sister would) she'd be ridiculed for a long time. By quite a few people I imagine and not just me.

hugglymugly · 23/05/2011 20:03

Although it is possible for non-ordained person to baptise a child, there are very specific situations in which that can be done (a case of necessity - e.g. if an ordained or authorised person can't be obtained in time) and very specific words and actions that need to be used. Since none of those conditions were fulfilled, it wasn't a valid baptism and wouldn't be regarded as such by any church. So your DC were not baptised, no matter what your batty MiL thinks.

Is she as equally loopy uninformed about other things?

Georgimama · 23/05/2011 20:04

Jubaloo may be my SIL of course, in which case there is only one person this crazy.

Do you live in Australia, Jubaloo?

atswimtwolengths · 23/05/2011 20:04

Oh for god's sake, there's not really any such thing as baptism! It's just a welcoming of a child into the church. It's a man made concept - take no notice of it at all.

Do you really think that if there is a god s/he would take any notice of some traditional ritual like that? Surely the only thing s/he would take any notice of is what that person does and how s/he cares for others.

Your MIL is daft and you're daft if you let it worry you! Just bring your child up according to moral laws, some of which coincide with the ten commandments.

wigglesrock · 23/05/2011 20:05

The intent needs to be there for a Catholic to baptise in an emergency. To be honest it was there to reassure women whose children died at home or if their baby died shortly after birth, it was important for them for the baby to be baptised. My Granny baptised two of her children that died shortly after birth, they only lived a few hours and the priest wasn't there. It gave her a huge amount of comfort. She's 99 now so it really was a long time ago, but a lot of older people still get panicky if a baby is left too long before being baptised. I had dd3 baptised a few weeks ago when she was 10 weeks and she was one of the "older" ones there.

It all ties back to babies being buried in unconsecrated ground, if at all Sad.

Glitterknickaz · 23/05/2011 20:05

Just sounds a bit.... nuts

Original poster
jubaloo22 · 23/05/2011 20:07

I'm pretty sure she didn't say in the name of the father, son and holy spirit...

Not a sudden impulse thing, they are a year apart and has also done it to BIL 2dc. (They don't know either) I see the sweet side too, but i still didn't want her to do it.

Funnily enough her sister is into all the spirits/heeby jeeby stuff ( palm reading, orbs, healing by hovering you hands over people) and MIL wont let her anywhere near my dc after she said she could see fairies around ds1 Grin

Pot, kettle ,black? Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
jubaloo22 · 23/05/2011 20:08

Nope sorry georgimama Still at least 2 crazy people out there Grin

OP posts:
JoyFriday · 23/05/2011 20:11

Make that 3!! My step mum has 'done' myself, my brother and both my kids. I agree its sweet and not something they will ever get done in the true way. Makes her happy and causes me no problem!

cuttingpicassostoenails · 23/05/2011 20:14

So, what happens when she decides that your child's hair needs cutting, or that he should be disciplined in HER way, or that his nose needs piercing ?

I think you need to have a serious talk to her about boundaries and her complete lack of respect for you and your husband.

JamieAgain · 23/05/2011 20:16

Oh give over. I don't think those things are comparable at all. It's bash-a-MIL night here

mumblechum1 · 23/05/2011 20:18

Am I allowed to tell my Baptism joke?

Baptists doing their thing in the Mississippi.

Guy gets his head put under the water.

"Have you found Jesus?"

"No"

Gets dunked again.

"Have you found Jesus?"

:No"

Third time, this time has his head held under for ages.

"HAVE YOU FOUND JESUS?"

"NO. Are you SURE this is where he fell in?"

Swipe left for the next trending thread