Do I win a prize for First Christmas-themed AIBU of the year? Perhaps a half-unwrapped sticky candy cane, with lint stuck to it?
We recently announced my pregnancy with #2, who is due at the end of November. Some few conversations later it became clear that they were still expecting us for Christmas, I said we wouldn't make it, they got cross because It's Our Turn. I'm pretty sure I'm right, but then again I also don't want to go, so maybe I need an outside view.
Background:
We're in Australia. They live in a neighbouring state, which is about 1.5 hours away by plane, in the same town as various siblings, grandparents, nieces and nephews. My youngest SIL still lives at home, and my GMIL lives downstairs in a self-contained unit. My mother and brother live in the same town as we do, but that's the extent of my family.
Until a few years ago, they moved around the country a lot and we rarely, if ever, saw them for Christmas itself, usually just catching up for Big Events like my MIL's 50th, weddings, etc. Even 3 years ago, when my daughter (first grandchild) was born, they were content to have their big Christmas at home while we had our little one at our place, and they flew over after Christmas for a visit. Worked well. The next year, when we had a 1-year-old, we went to theirs, as did my other SIL, her husband and their infant.
This is relevant: it is Not Done to stay elsewhere except the family home on visits. It is a 3BD plus the self-contained bit. To fit us all in, the GMIL moved into the younger SIL's room, younger SIL took the sofabed in the lounge, elder SIL + family took the downstairs unit, we three squished into the guest room, which just fits a double bed and a travel cot, obviously the parents had their own room. It was a squish, and because the guest room was just off the main dining area, DD had trouble sleeping, but it was a holiday, so fine.
This time around, SIL will have a 2.5 year old and a 9 month old. We will have a 3 year old and a four week old, assuming I don't go late, but I didn't last time.
Here are their arguments:
- It is our turn.
- Newborns are portable, and easy to travel with
- There will be lots of hands to help
- GMIL is too frail to fly to ours/can't fit in our place along with the in-laws, so wouldn't be able to see newborn if we don't come
Here are my arguments:
- I will have a FOUR WEEK OLD
- And probably stitches, and lochia, and leaky boobs
- At 4 weeks old, DD screamed for 2-3 hours every night before sleep, which rarely happened until midnight, slept in 2 hour bursts and only if in bed with me, cluster fed and vomited a lot. We coped by pacing the house all evening, then sleeping when she did, taking things very easy, and both being pretty much completely hands-on all the time. This is utterly incompatible with staying in a crowded house full of people, in a bed too small for co-sleeping, in a room where a 3 year old is also trying to sleep.
- The amount of 'helping hands' will be drastically reduced by the fact that the in-laws will be making elaborate meals for large crowds, worrying about where the formal china was put away, arranging the larger children for formal photographs, etc. Christmas is a Big Fucking Deal at their place.
4a) And there will be a newly mobile baby there as well as two bigger toddlers. And the place is not babyproofed, at all.
- Germy planes and newborns?
- (Not vocalised) I haven't had a nice little family Christmas with my own mum and brother, whom I love dearly, since DD was born. Four weeks out from giving birth, I think I deserve one.
Sorry about the novel. It's the result of many hours muttering arguments to myself when I should be sleeping.