to not want....

[ohgivemestrength]

my ss to come and live with us? :(
Flame me if you want lol, I'll give details in a bit just wondering what people would say without knowing the background!

Bumfuzzle I agree with you, with OH you have to address things softly softly and almost make him think it was idea as in drip feeding him but make no mistake that if he and I split up I will not allow my child to passed from pillar to post, his place will be with me and if he wants access then it will be done formally and through the court and away from his parents. In a way I am learning a great deal from this situation should it ever happen to me.

Your OH is a big part of the problem. He has let his son down very badly and is still doing so. Disgraceful that he won't even talk to the mother of his child, intervene when she goes off, and lets his parents do the childcare.

He needs to try to resolve things - in co-operation with his ex if possible - so that the poor little boy can have a stable home, either with his mother or father or shared custody.

It doesn't sound like OH has it in him. He sounds immature and wet.

If he can't/won't change, you would be better off without him.

I don't like your statement that if you split up "if he wants access it will be done formally and through the court": surely you would want your OH to see your DS regularly?

OP, I can only reiterate getting SS in. Your partner's parents need to be reined in, if your partner won't and you can't then that leaves an external agency. Something has to change. This boy behaves at school, so suits his behaviour to the setting, which sounds hopeful if he is given a better setting in which to grow. But those grandparents have to be beaten back from this boy or he will have no chance.

Dozer I think it's fair for me to say that as I have seen first hand what can happen and I don't want my child ending up like that. OH will be able to see DS regularly but formally so we all know where we stand and most importantly DS and so it will be stuck to as there is no confusion for anyone.

I think the only way forward now is to have a conversation with him and not involving his parents at this point, where everything is laid out bare and see how/if this situation can be resolved and some strategies put in place!

Good luck, ohgivemestrength. Just hang on to the thought that this sorry mess is not your fault and therefore you do not HAVE to do anything to fix it - don't let them guilt you.

Good luck. I think if you decide to get dss to come live with you it has to be done through the courts tbh - if nothing else it will show your and your dp's committment. Basically that he resides with dp and he has fixed agreed reasonable contact with his Mum. Anything else I think will just fall apart. You will also have to have an agreement with how much staying with gp's he can have and that needs to be told to them by your dp. They need to be on board that you, dp, ds and dss will need a "honeymoon" period without no interference etc to set your rules, boundaries and establish yourselves as a family unit.

I wonder if ss/charities run any parenting courses you and dp could go on. It's almost akin to you fostering him, he sounds quite damaged already