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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not be ashamed...

304 replies

GirlFriendExperience · 22/05/2011 14:32

That I'm an escort girl/call girl/high class prositute (whatever you want to call it) ...

I love my job, I'm very good at it, I pay taxes, it's not illegal and I help a lot of people. So why should I spend my life apologising for it/lying about it/defending myself??

  • Yes have name changed in case I get flamed... which in itself is depressing!
OP posts:
strawberrymewmew · 22/05/2011 22:45

ohboob Thank you. Really I just wanted to say how I felt and how I used to feel. If by any chance the poster is like I was and deluding herself about how she feels then I am quite happy to "out" myself if it may help bring her round to what she may truelly feel.
And if there was any chance that there was even a single woman on here who for any reason started to think that the "job" wouldn't be that bad and was in some way inclined to try it, if offering my true experience of it could stop them taking the steps to making life much harder for themselves by doing this, it would mean alot to me.

I blame Secret diary of a call girl for glamourising prostitution.

AyeRobot · 22/05/2011 22:55

But there aren't any other self-identified radfems on this thread, I don't think.

I have a big problem with people trafficking, whatever work they end up doing, in whatever country. Or work that they have been promised that doesn't materialise, as is often the case. It's a fucking outrage. The Netherlands, for exampe, has a massive problem with women brought into the country on the promise of working in hotels or other service work, but who are then forced to work as prostitutes under threat of violence to themselves or to their familes back home. Same in Hungary, Lativa, Lithuania etc. And where do many British stag parties go?

But what does it matter about these women as long as the happy hookers keep earning their money, right?

Strawberry, thank you for sharing your story and OP, I don't think you should be ashamed and I hope you are one of the lucky ones that OLKN knows.

strawberrymewmew · 22/05/2011 22:58

AyeRobot During the time I was working, I was aware there was a girl coming over to work... Her pimp was paying for her travel and whatever else and this poor girl was going to be pennyless for at least a month no matter how many clients she had.

Also because she was foreign and willing to work for cheap, she was going to make around £20 per client!! Sometimes alot less.

Stories like that make me extremely sad.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 22/05/2011 23:01

Well, AyeRobot, I'm quite certain that if dittany has a problem with me, she'll turn up and tell me so. Wouldn't be the first time. Grin

(I'm usually a man/punter/pimp according to her.)

Onceamai · 23/05/2011 00:20

What worries me OP is that you might be a high class prostitute charging big bucks now but in a few years time when you are not as youthful as at present and when the spirit might not be as willing and the body fed up of being used as a doughnut, don't you fear that your income will start reducing because you can't charge the same high rates whereas if you had kept up with your original profession your income would be increasing along with your status and self respect.

dittany · 23/05/2011 00:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontCallMePeanut · 23/05/2011 00:39

Agree with what Dittany said at 00:25...

FurKnickersAndNoCoat · 23/05/2011 01:20

Well as already been said, i am struggling to see this as a real post (are you a researcher for the matthew wright show) but i have and still occasionally do work in that profession. if it pays the bills and/or rocks your boat, crack on.

beesimo · 23/05/2011 05:46

I'm looking out over the moors watching ths sunrise and the day waken and I feel so sad for the lives some of you are leading. Don't you realise your actions and behaviour now will follow you all your days, is it really worth it for what? What can you buy that is worth what your selling?

CheerfulYank · 23/05/2011 06:10

I do not think that naked bodies need to be covered, or that women's sexuality is something to be ashamed of, and I resent being told that because I think prostitution is wrong I'm some kind of old-fashioned prude.

I do think it is wrong. I'm not a hardcore feminist and I don't often go on about the objectification of women, but that's what something that can be bought and sold is. An object. And if women can be bought or treated like porn stars or convinced that flashing their tits is girl power, what happens then? I'll tell you what happens then. Men begin to think that women are "always up for it". So if an 18 year old girl is too drunk to tell her so-called boyfriend to stop because she doesn't want to have sex with him, it doesn't matter, because obviously the default position for women is "yes."

He didn't stop. And let me tell you, there are few things worse then waking up the next morning, sore and bloody, realizing that this is what you're going to have to remember whenever the subject of first times comes up.

I'm not saying sex always needs to happen within the confines of marriage or love (though for me personally, it's been much better that way) but I really don't think business ought to come into it. We're worth more than that, aren't we?

frantic51 · 23/05/2011 08:58

The cold hard fact of the matter is that there is a huge demand for the sex industry generally. To think that it is going to be possible to change that is just tilting at windmills. (Think about prohibition, that really worked didn't it? Hmm )

So the only sensible course is to try and make the sex industry conform to standards in how it's workers are treated. If embryonic legalisation schemes have failed in some ways then they need looking into and refining until we start to get it right. Trying to go down the "stamping it all out" route is just never going to work imo.

Babieseverywhere · 23/05/2011 10:47

frantic51 said "that there is a huge demand for the sex industry generally."

And ?

There was a huge demand for slaves in our past, yet we still abolished slavery.
Demand for a service doesn't mean we should roll over and offer it.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 23/05/2011 13:01

Slavery still exists, even in this country.

JemimaMuddleFuck · 23/05/2011 13:17

Have you done a SWOT test for your business ?
S Strengths
W Weaknesses
O Opportunities
T Threats

Strengths. You like your job and by your account, you're good at it.It's a long established and sustainable trade; with good repeat business and a constant demand.

Weaknesses. It's not a "mainstream job". Deductions/tax can be a problem.A good accountant with specialist knowledge of this area is essential.
You might fuck a nut.
Even if you have back up/support/protection in place (having say, sold an hour of time); it would only take a fuck nut 5 minutes to kill you.

Opportunities. The sky's the limit. You'll get more if you diverge into specialist areas.

Threats. You could die if you get the fuck nut( see weaknesses).
Safe sex isn't 100%. You are at increased danger of STD's and AIDS.
Your cost per fuck will decrease as you get older. Whilst there is a niche market for older Women, the men that pay the big money on the whole, want younger Women.
The capital investment(your body) will have diminishing returns.

dittany · 23/05/2011 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

latitude · 23/05/2011 13:33

YANBU if you are happy to do it then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

shortround · 23/05/2011 14:56

if you are happy then that is all that matters, would you be happy for your daughter to follow your occupation?

worldgonecrazy · 23/05/2011 15:03

YANBU. If you are happy then go for it. The earnings are good enough that you can retire or get a 'proper' job once the wrinkles or boredom sets in.

frantic51 · 23/05/2011 18:44

dittany, I don't judge individuals morally, at least I try very hard not to and I'm always happy to be pulled up if I seem to be. I'm only human after all and nobody is perfect!

Personally, I don't like the sex industry. Personally I would wish very much it could be stamped out. But then I, personally, think the same about abortion. What I accept is that any woman should have the right to do what she likes with her own body. I refuse to judge, or treat differently, or discriminate against in any way, or be hostile to, any woman for making a decision which is not in tune with my own, personal, moral code.

I am also a realist. When abortion was illegal a great deal of money was made by back street abortionists who put the health and, indeed, the very lives of women in grave danger.

I don't buy for one minute that woman will be better off if prostitution is made illegal. Prostitution is not called the oldest profession for nothing. The plight of some women in the sex industry today is heartbreaking but it pales into almost insignificance when compared with the situation such women were in historically.

As to prosecuting punters while leaving prostitutes alone, I can't see how one can criminalise someone for buying any product which someone is selling legally. I find it a weirdly cock-eyed idea quite honestly and I think if were applied to anything other than sex many people would be up in arms about it.

Pimps I can understand. No-one should be coerced into doing something that they don't want to do, particularly when it can put their health and welfare at risk. But criminalise someone who is purchasing something from someone who has made their own decision to sell and is not to be prosecuted for doing so? I just, honestly, can't get my head around the concept, sorry.

FuppyGish · 23/05/2011 19:09

But its not all about whether OP is happy is it? What about the message it gives to society that women can be bought and sold?

All of you saying 'oh yes op if you like it then go for it' do you really think its doesn't harm women and our society as a whole?

bemybebe · 23/05/2011 19:09

I agree with frantic. In Holland where sex industry is more mainstream it is much easier for a woman to work legitimately and safely.

frantic51 · 23/05/2011 19:19

FuppyGish, your language suggests that prostitution is something which is always forced upon a woman. I have already said that, for me, it is unacceptable for anyone to be prostituted but for a woman to prostitute herself if it what she wants to do should be no-one's business but her own. So, we shouldn't be seeing it as a message that "woman can be bought and sold" rather that a woman can "sell her body" if she so wishes.

PigletJohn · 23/05/2011 19:20

OOI, what's a "High Class Prostitute?"

Is it a "High Price Prostitute?"

frantic51 · 23/05/2011 19:25

Can be seen as that, Piglet, but I think most people understand the phrase to mean a prostitute who doesn't solicit on the street, rather someone who will accompany you to any function you might want a partner for and will also have sex with you afterwards or, if you wish, will simply come to your hotel room and just give you sex. I think they usually advertise themselves in magazines, sex shops, internet too these days I guess, but perhaps the OP could be more specific?

Casey76 · 23/05/2011 20:28

Ok so your not ashamed...good for you...but why the thread? Do you want a fucking medal or something???