To think my DH should occasionally get up to DC?

[cathkidstonbag]

I worked out last night that DH has got up to our 4 year old probably less than 10 times in 4 years. DC has never been a good sleeper, has various medical issues which mean often wakes in evening and at night and rarely sleeps past 5am. On average probably 3 wakings a night that need to be settled down after, until 2 it was more like 7 or 8! I am bloody exhausted tbh! Most nights end up with DC in our bed or me fallen asleep on DC bedroom floor :(
Last night I was so tired and did get a bit angry about it so DH actually got up to DC this am. But he is making a big deal of it, think he's looking for a medal. I look at him sometimes when he's sleeping and I've been awake most of the night and I truly dislike him. AIBU to think he should help out a bit???

I had started making a long term plan to start college in September which would mean a relatively good income after a years studying. Obviously I don't have the finances to pay for the course, I am thinking if I just stay long enough to do that I may be able to cope financially better.
Goes without saying he's not that keen on the studying/job idea. Ive wanted to go back to work for years but not been able to.

If you stay,he will make it as difficult as possible (if not impossible) for you to do that course. If he thinks you're reaching your limit he'll almost come across as encouraging but then it'll be business as usual as soon as you're back under the thumb.

1. read that book (it'll help you make sense of the situation and realise that you're not overreacting as he probably says you are).

1. Get some support from womansaid (I wish I'd done that alot earlier!)

1. Get some legal advice. Most solicitors give a free half to hour session. So go armed with a list of questions. Find out what you are entitled to. He won't leave the country and he will have to pay maintanance (he has a good job and you have 3 children.. so it won't be insignificant and it won't effect other benefits you are entitled to either). If you left him, you'd also get help to do that course of yours. x

Book ordered :)
Will start looking into legal advice. Have a session booked with a counsellor next week. I wanted us to go for marriage counselling earlier in the year, he wouldn't go so have booked to go on my own. Not sure if it will be any help but it might help me take control a bit better.

Yay.. i'm so pleased! :o
As for the counselling... you're much better off going alone tbh as he is abusive and will either try to manipulate the counsellor or pick it apart anyway when you get home.
Do give womansaid a try too. They're are specially trained to recognise the signs of domestic abuse and they view emotional abuse just as seriously as physical ...and its free! xx

Are you married? If so, you will be provided for on divorce no matter whose name the assets and cash are in.

In the meantime, to gain control, why not suggest that savings are put into your name as that will save tax (you will not have to pay tax on the interest if you are not earning)? It might give you an idea of how much money there is to play with.

Yes am married.
No way he would ever put the savings in my name, that would mean telling me how much we have got in savings ... or how much this years bonus was ... or even how much he earns!!!

Where does he keep all the paperwork? even savings in his name are assets of the marriage though.

Going through paperwork now cargirl - thanks. DC only woke twice last night - woohoo. But DH woke me at 5am :(

Just come back and read more of this thread - I'm so relieved that you sound like you're pulling together a plan to get out.

If he refuses to tell you how much he earns, how on earth does he justify that .

Buy a one way ticket to anywhere for him...on the credit card. When he queries the statement produce the ticket. 'We're done, here's your ticket, now fuck off'. You WILL cope without him.

He is seriously off the nobber scale.

Off the nobber scale LOL!!! I love that phrase, has cheered me up no end :)

Good luck with it all omg

Wow. Just, wow. I actually misread the OP at first, I thought it was your DH who had a medical reason for being tired - and even that wouldn't give him an excuse to be such a fucking arsehole!

Please don't be one of those women who sticks with an awful excuse for a husband/father, just because of some notion that children need a father. They don't - not one like that anyway! You deserve better - even if that means being a single mum.