If it is of any help gaining perspective, you could be talking about my DH back when the DC were little (and even though I worked FT when they were babies, my job was "less important" so I still had to do all the nights, and the house, and the cooking, and the car, and the garden, and the shopping, and the washing, and the nursery pickups and drop offs and the bins etc etc although he has always paid for cleaners). So where am I now? Like an earlier poster, a few years back, I ended up as an emergency admission to hospital with, basically, life threatening exhaustion. DH didn't lift a finger to help when I came out of hospital - my 10 yo was the one fetching me drinks and food until I could get up myself. At that point, I stopped loving him. I changed my life, went part time at work with long periods out and concentrated on myself and the DC instead of seeing a future with DH. Somehow we are still married as I thought a 2 parent family important for the DC. Luckily, DH works very long hours so I hardly see him but I cannot imagine being with him when he retires so as soon as the DC leave home, I am leaving him. I wish I had done that years ago but it is only recently, through reading MN, that I realise the harm he has done to the DC with his attitudes (which are to treat them too as lesser beings). Now I only have a year or two to go so might as well wait. You can change things earlier. Please consider this. You could find a man who treats you like a human being, or even be happy alone and most likely have every other weekend getting sleep (DH won't emigrate). Would you trust him with your DC?
Is this really the sort of thing Women's Aid deal with, though? (genuine question) It can seem from the outside like the perfect life - SAHM Mum, nice house, nice cars etc I know it is not like that really but one feels guilty for complaining let alone having the courage to call Women's Aid.
Spidookly you are spot on.
Good luck OP. Start tonight by asking your DH to at least cover until 2am.