Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sitting here crying?

75 replies

JaneFonda · 21/05/2011 20:25

I am completely and utterly in shock. I would really appreciate some words of support/advice, please.

Over the past couple of months I've been feeling a bit funny, but nothing I'd been worrying about. After being sick on and off for about 3 weeks, I decided to go to the GP (I went on Wednesday), and it turns out I'm pregnant.

This was a complete shock, we weren't planning any more children (have 2 DS's), but certainly not an awful situation to be in.

But today, I went for a scan, and it turns out I'm five months pregnant with a DD. My emotions are mixed between delight and sadness, and also utter confusion - how on EARTH could I have been pregnant for this long and not even realised?! :(

God, I didn't even realise this was possible - I thought it was just an urban myth or something. Blush

Sorry this has been so long, I'm just struggling to come to terms with this, and would really appreciate any words of comfort.

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/05/2011 20:26

Congratulations, JaneFonda... a heck of a shock, yes, but what a lovely surprise for you once you get over it. :)

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino · 21/05/2011 20:27

HUGE HUGS to you

you are bound to be comppletely blind sided by this news

but one thing I was thinking about the fact you are 5 months already is that you are past the 12 week stage and can relax from the first moment you knew
iykwim

I'm sorry I may be making it worse

CONGRATULATIONS on your lovely news

and more hugs and YANBU, its a huge shock and you are hormanlly all over the place by the vry nature of being pregnant

Goblinchild · 21/05/2011 20:28

Are you very busy and running form pillar to post every moment of the day?
It's easy not to notice changes in yourself when your attention is constantly focused on the outside and other people's needs.
5 months and a DD? Congratulations! Smile

Happymm · 21/05/2011 20:28

First,congratulations! :) Second, don't berate yourself, I got to 17wks without knowing. Felt bit daft to say the least-DH is a Dr, I'm a HCP!

AgentZigzag · 21/05/2011 20:28

Oh my goodness!

Yes, that would be a bit of a shock.

Congratulations Smile

How's your DH/P getting his head round it?

A bit Shock I bet?

kitbit · 21/05/2011 20:29

Are you by yourself? Is your dp around and does he know yet?

Original poster
JaneFonda · 21/05/2011 20:29

I feel awful that I'm thinking of the negatives of this - I ought to be excited, and I am so lucky that I have a healthy baby... but I keep thinking of the downsides. :(

I'm particularly worried about how our families will react - I don't want to seem like I've kept anything from them. Confused

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 21/05/2011 20:29

What is it that's making you cry?

Because you didn't notice?

seaweedhead · 21/05/2011 20:30

YANBU at all- what a massive shock for you! I'm currently pg with DC2 and had mixed emotions about it when I found out- even though it was absolutely planned. Having a baby has a huge impact on your life and it takes time to mentally prepare yourself for that. I'm sure once you've got your head round it the excitement will kick in.

TidyDancer · 21/05/2011 20:30

CONGRATULATIONS! Please don't feel bad you didn't know, I think it's more common than you'd realise. If you don't show early and you're not overly symptomatic (which can be the case with many people), and you don't properly 'count' your periods, it's easy to see how this can happen.

tethersend · 21/05/2011 20:30

My friend's sister didn't know she was pregnant until she gave birth... and she is now a doting mum to her DD.

I know it's not what you want to hear right now, but congratulations. Power through the hormones Smile

OliPocket · 21/05/2011 20:31

Wow... Smile This happened to a friend of mine - she also found out when she was 5 months along.

I know you're in shock but in 4 months time none of this will matter because you will be falling in love all over again. A little girl - how lovely!

Take some deep breaths - believe that this will work out fine and it will. Take good care of yourself and all the best to you and your family x

takethisonehereforastart · 21/05/2011 20:31

Well, it can be a shock even when it's planned.

It happens to lots of people. The first time I got pregnant it was unplanned and I thought I had the flu. Pregnancy didn't even occur to me until I'd blamed everything else first.

Only advice I can give is to try and be gentle on yourself and not blame yourself for not realising. Maybe ask someone to babysit your DS's so you and your DP can have some time to talk and think.

How has he taken the news?

AgentZigzag · 21/05/2011 20:31

I'm sure your family will be excited for you, no reason they'd think you kept it from them.

Definately a story to be passing down to your little DD when she's older!

Yukana · 21/05/2011 20:31

Oh honey. Big big MN hugs

I am not surprised you are shocked by the news. Do you think you are happy with the news underneath the shock? If so, congratulations on your pregnancy.

I have no children as of yet (7 months pregnant) but are if you are worried about how to tell your sons that they will have a sister in the future, I'm sure a more experienced MNer will be able to give you some advice here. :)

Again, big hugs, just try to stay as calm as you can and deal with things in small steps.

Original poster
JaneFonda · 21/05/2011 20:32

DP is absolutely ecstatic, he can't wait to have a daddy's girl!

I feel so guilty, I've kept a smile on my face today but have just broken down now I'm by myself, DP has gone to collect DCs from GPs. :(

OP posts:
littleducks · 21/05/2011 20:32

This happened to a mum at mother and toddler group......she had 2 dds, then was in hospital, was scanned for a totally different reason and was about 5 months pg. She couldnt believe it but went on to have a lovely short pregnancy.

Hope it goes well for you once you get over the shock, good luck!

Lilyloo · 21/05/2011 20:33

Wow what fab and surprising news , congratulations, she was meant to be Smile

Original poster
JaneFonda · 21/05/2011 20:34

Thank you so much for all your lovely words, you're all really helping to calm me down. :)

I feel so bad, because I know what some people go through on here when they're TTC, and I'm pregnant and it seems like I'm being so selfish, so I am sorry.

OP posts:
compo · 21/05/2011 20:34

Congrats! How many kids do you have and what ages? That's great you're dp is so excited

SecretNutellaFix · 21/05/2011 20:35

Huge congratulations on your pregnancy. Of course it's a huge shock! Bet you everyone will say "Bloody Hell, are you sure? Wow."

Are you of a certain age that you thought you could have been starting menopause? I know someone who thought exactly that and she found out at 28 weeks and due to give birth in 3 weeks. Smile

bluebump · 21/05/2011 20:35

My friend didn't know she was pregnant until she gave birth so you wouldn't be the only one not to notice.

Congratulations Smile

dollius · 21/05/2011 20:36

I am also five months pregnant with an "accidental" third baby. Also have two DSs and this one is a girl. I worked out I was pregnant at five weeks because my symptoms were so strong, but I still feel in shock and still want to cry about it sometimes. So I can completely understand how you must be feeling not finding out until five months.
I think having a good cry is a completely normal reaction, and you probably need to process quite a lot of feelings and it is completely natural that many will be negative ones. So please don't worry, because it will all work out fine.
How does your DH feel about it?

AgentZigzag · 21/05/2011 20:36

I would advise to perhaps not keep the smile on for your DP when your other DC are in bed later.

Let him know how you're feeling and help you find a way to get through it.

You've said he's ecstatic, but he might have reservations and questions he's been thinking of too, probably a lot of the same ones you have.

Original poster
JaneFonda · 21/05/2011 20:38

I have two DS's - aged 4 and 7, and I'm sure they'll be so excited to have a little sister, they are the loveliest boys.

I'm 34, so not quite of menopause age just yet! I didn't think I'd had any strange changes, apart from sickness (which is weird because I thought it was only 1st trimester that morning sickness occurs?), I never had morning sickness with my other two.

OP posts: