Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To be sitting here crying?

75 replies

JaneFonda · 21/05/2011 20:25

I am completely and utterly in shock. I would really appreciate some words of support/advice, please.

Over the past couple of months I've been feeling a bit funny, but nothing I'd been worrying about. After being sick on and off for about 3 weeks, I decided to go to the GP (I went on Wednesday), and it turns out I'm pregnant.

This was a complete shock, we weren't planning any more children (have 2 DS's), but certainly not an awful situation to be in.

But today, I went for a scan, and it turns out I'm five months pregnant with a DD. My emotions are mixed between delight and sadness, and also utter confusion - how on EARTH could I have been pregnant for this long and not even realised?! :(

God, I didn't even realise this was possible - I thought it was just an urban myth or something.

Sorry this has been so long, I'm just struggling to come to terms with this, and would really appreciate any words of comfort.

OP posts:

aurynne · 22/05/2011 00:45

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Just imagine what a fantastic story you will be able to tell your DD when she is older :). "You were playing hide-and-seek for 5 months inside mummy, and hell, you were a good hider!".

I am sure that after the hormones subside a bit, you will come back to post a message wondering why the hell you were crying about.

Enjoy your new baby!!!

maras2 · 22/05/2011 01:05

Jane , you lucky woman,Many congratulations. Mx.

flyingspaghettimonster · 22/05/2011 03:53

congratulations!! My third was also a surprise, although far earlier on. I was worried at first and emotional, especially as it was a high risk pregnancy because I had the Mirena coil, but I cannot imagine life without that ha[[y, beautiful child now. He makes my days brighter, is the cuddliest of my children, with the sunniest personality. I hope you will find this little girl can be all that for you and make your family complete and happy :-)

SockShitter · 22/05/2011 04:36

Wow how lucky to skip all the 12 week worry and morning sickness! Also a DD after two sons- its an excuse to buy all new baby stuff in pink ooh Congratulations!

empirestateofmind · 22/05/2011 04:50

Congratulations- what a lovely surprise, hope you are all well and getting over the shock.

WeirdAcronymNotKnown · 22/05/2011 06:45

Oh wow! That is quite a shock. But how exciting! A little girl, who your boys will absolutely adore and dote on and be very protective of :)

I'm guessing you don't have any baby stuff left - ah well, an excuse to go shopping :o if you're worried about money, then charity shops/boot fairs are your friend (except for car seats and mattresses)

With the family/friends - just be honest! They would be upset if they thought you'd kept this from them (and confused if you told them about your other pregnancies earlier) - but if you explain what happened, and how shocked you are, they have no reason to be hurt.

FWIW - I know somebody who dragged his wife to the GP, convinced she had a kidney infection. Sent for a scan, and the sonographer said "congratulations, it's twins!"

Animation · 22/05/2011 06:59

Yes, my third was unplanned too. My reaction was similar to yours - infact I felt quite melancholic and emotional throughout the whole pregnancy. In retrospect I think it was a normal reaction to the fact I hadn't planned the pregnancy like I had the other two. I was overwhelmed.

Give yourself time, and don't worry about other people - you're carrying this baby and you're the most important person right now.

Three is a great number btw - my third daughter was a blessing!

spiderslegs · 22/05/2011 07:10

Just brilliant news - fantastic, it turns out I can't carry three, (I hate you), really great news - I wish I could have had a sneaky third.

Enjoy & suck up the glory.

I hate you again.

Love her.

spiderslegs · 22/05/2011 07:11

I want more

NoobytheWaspSlayer · 22/05/2011 07:13

Another unplanned third pregnancy here. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed and emotional too. It helped having newborn cuddles at toddler group last week - I finally started to look forward with excitement, rather than trepidation and guilt.

Animation · 22/05/2011 07:25

Nooby

Maybe there's such a thing as Third Pregnancy Syndrome!

Hang in there all of you - and there's no need to feel guilty about being anxious and overwhelmed. You're NORMAL.

mouseanon · 22/05/2011 07:28

I'm pg with my third and all three took a long time ttc. Every +ve test I've done has left me reeling! It's such a huge thing even when it is very much wanted and planned. I hope the shock wears off soon and the loveliness of the news sinks in. Congratulations!

FlubbaBubba · 22/05/2011 07:37

I'm loving hearing all these stories of intelligent women going to the doc's/A&E with tummy pains and coming home with a baby!! OP take comfort from those stories that you have at least four months to go! Must be very, very confusing for you.

My (planned) 3rd is gurgling away next to me and is much loved by his two big sisters. He brightens my life that little bit more. I love him to pieces. You will come to love your little one to pieces too (I was going to say "your bump" but I'm assuming you don't have one! :) )

Take some time for you and DH to digest this information before telling friends and family if it suits you better. They haven't known for the past few months, another week or so won't do them any harm, and it will give you two a chance to get your heads round it.

sunnydelight · 22/05/2011 07:48

Big congrats, but I can understand your feelings. I got unexpectedly pregnant with my third quite a few years after I thought I was done and I cried for four days straight. It was a total shock and not at all the direction I thought my life was going in (I was about to sit my final exams having re-trained as a lawyer). Turned out I too had a girl after two boys and she has brought nothing but joy to our lives from the day she was born. I also lost my mum when I was five months pregnant so DD has always been that bit extra special to me. Good luck - enjoy!

Mishy1234 · 22/05/2011 08:05

YANBU at all. It's bound to be a bit of a shock and you're understandably experiencing a whole range of emotions (not to mention the pregnancy hormones!).

Congratulations though! Once you get used to the idea you'll be able to settle down a bit and enjoy what remains of your pregnancy.

DorisDoesntDance · 22/05/2011 08:44

the doctor thought i was 16 weeks when I went to see her with stomach pains... the growth scan revealled I was 24 weeks pregnant.

I had no idea.

i now have a gorgeous little boy who has changed my life in the best way imaginable.

MumblingRagDoll · 22/05/2011 08:55

JaneFonda congratualtions! I'm another innocent Mum....I was almost 4 months when my frind said "You know...you look sort of ...pregnant to me"

It was a terrible shock. But does wear off! You're still in the shock stage....you don't know which way is up atm.

But it will turn around....do you have any baby things from the boys?

BrawToken · 22/05/2011 09:00

Aw, you poor thing. What a shock! I had the same experience with my first except I was on the pill, using condoms, 20 years old, single and at university. She's now 13 and the best thing that ever happened in my life.

Oh, and I cried all the way through that pregnancy

Justfeckingdoit · 22/05/2011 09:01

Congratulations! This happened to me too (am 38 w with my first). Went for my scan expecting to be 12 weeks and was told I was 21.

I had been going to the doctor with symptoms including nausea, dizziness and aching joints and had been told it was a residue from a serious virus I had in early summer.

I was a shocked as you and cried a lot for the first week, so be kind to yourself and tell your DP how you feel - if he been with you through 2 pregnancies already he will understand how hormones can make you over the place :)

It is wonderful news and once you get over the initial shock you will be fine.

FlubbaBubba · 22/05/2011 10:37

That's a brave friend you've got there mumbling !! :o

MumblingRagDoll · 22/05/2011 10:46

Lol Flubba....she's a doctor too!

apprenticemum · 22/05/2011 16:56

I know you thought you had life all planned out but there was just one thing you hadn't thought of........ You need a daughter for later on.....Sons won't wipe your arse when you are old and incontinent!

ILoveYouToo · 22/05/2011 19:04

I'm glad that you're feeling better about everything after the chat with your DH, JaneFonda.

I'm actually quite surprised at how everyone has automatically extended their congratulations to the OP, when her post makes clear that she was feeling ambivalent and upset about her unexpected pregnancy. I assume that the impulse to do this is a kind one, but doesn't it risk of overruling or negating the OP's current conflicted feelings? Is a pregnancy always a blessing to be congratulated on?

What are your fears about having another child, Jane? Financial? Going through the whole baby/toddler thing again? Labour? It's great that you've been able to be open with your DH about your feelings; he sounds really supportive.

allbie · 22/05/2011 20:42

I was absolutely distraught to find I was pregnant with number 4....quite a large gap and I spent many moments crying. Late on in the pregnancy I finally came to terms with it all. It was a kind of grief, I think but now I look at that wee lad and I burst with love. Life would be so much less without him. The whole family thinks that too. Your DD will be the icing on the cake, truly.

thederkinsdame · 22/05/2011 21:38

YANBU - I thjink finding out you're PG when planned still gives yo a little jolt when you POAS and get a +ve, so you must be reeling. Still, I would say that it's nobody else's business. Can you not say that you had a tricky first trimester, and didn't tell anyone until you were sure everything was OK? That will usually shut people up. Give yourself time to come to terms with it and allow yourself to feel whatever you feel - I think there's far too much emphasis on being all jolly about stuff and sometimes it's a relief to be able to tell people even if it is on MN that actually you don't feel over the moon, as I'm sure many people go through the same emotions.

Hope everything works out for you. Take it steady and give yourself time to digest the news and don't feel guilty for not telling other people!

Flip

1 2 3