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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be sitting here crying?

75 replies

JaneFonda · 21/05/2011 20:25

I am completely and utterly in shock. I would really appreciate some words of support/advice, please.

Over the past couple of months I've been feeling a bit funny, but nothing I'd been worrying about. After being sick on and off for about 3 weeks, I decided to go to the GP (I went on Wednesday), and it turns out I'm pregnant.

This was a complete shock, we weren't planning any more children (have 2 DS's), but certainly not an awful situation to be in.

But today, I went for a scan, and it turns out I'm five months pregnant with a DD. My emotions are mixed between delight and sadness, and also utter confusion - how on EARTH could I have been pregnant for this long and not even realised?! :(

God, I didn't even realise this was possible - I thought it was just an urban myth or something.

Sorry this has been so long, I'm just struggling to come to terms with this, and would really appreciate any words of comfort.

OP posts:

dollius · 21/05/2011 20:39

How old are your DSs OP?

EmmaBemma · 21/05/2011 20:41

You're not being selfish! What a shock. Whilst part of me thinks "grr, I'd love to get to 5 months pregnant and not even know a thing about it", and be past all the fears of the first three months, I can see how weird it would feel. But huge congratulations.

strandedbear · 21/05/2011 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LtEveDallas · 21/05/2011 20:44

My mum only found out she was having me when she was 5 months gone, and worse, it was the second time it had happened (3 DC with gaps of 18 mths, then 6 yrs gap, then another 6 yr gap!).

Congrats, us 'baby of the family surprise DDs' are wonderful you know

AuntieMonica · 21/05/2011 20:44

JaneFonda

You probably will meet people who don't believe you.

You probably will meet people who will think you are 'thick' and 'deluded'

You probably will meet people who judge you very harshly.

At least I did!

I was actually having regular appointments with my GP re; upset stomachs, cramps, irregular bleeding....thought it was wheat intolerance and was perimenopausal......6mths gone and i finally got a BFP! I was still taking the pill too

The list of people who did the above are no longer my friends, my family were fabulous, least of all my DH who never planned to be a father. He often says he wishes we'd met earlier in life as he'd love to have more children

I will confess though, i set up a blanket text message and sent it to all our family, so no-one then had the advantage of being in-the-know at all.

Congratulations on your BFP, and as i think a PP has said, you've gotten through the sickness etc swimmingly, now you've not got long to wait to meet your new DD at all!

Trace100 · 21/05/2011 20:45

Chill out and take time to breathe. Your emotions are just up the creek and you need time to get used to it. Don't think, don't blame yourself. Tomorrow will take care of itself. With acceptance will come peace and then you can start planning for the new arrival.
Bright blessings to you and yours

heliumballoons · 21/05/2011 21:00

Congratulations.

YANBU at all. At 4 and 7 your DS' are probably becomming independent and it is a shock to find out you'll be doing the whole baby thing again.

Give your self time. Chat to your DH/P let him know how you feel.

And I agree anyone who doesn't believe you or pulls the face isn't worth counting as a friend.

Take a day at a time and give yourself a chance to get use to the idea, I'm sure once you have you'll feel differently.

5inthebed · 21/05/2011 21:06

Congratulations :)

One of the mams at school only found out she was pregnant when she was 26 weeks, and she had a lovely healthy little boy on Tuesday. It does happen.

ChippingIn · 21/05/2011 21:10

janefonda - that's pretty big news isn't it. It's a lot to take in and you are a bag of hormones! It's no wonder you are upset/confused/worried/happy/scared/excited.... give the news time to settle in.

Don't worry about your families, they can choose to believe you or not, that's their lookout.

and here's a CONGRATULATIONS!! for when you are ready to hear it :)

MrsPlesWearsAFez · 21/05/2011 21:12

Congratulations!

A friend's wife ended up in A&E with stomach pains after a night out and left the hospital with a baby - it was quite a shock as I'm sure you can imagine.

I'm sure you'll feel better once you've gotten over the initial surprise factor.

PacificDogwood · 21/05/2011 21:23

My goodness, JaneFonda, what a shock! But still: congratulations

I was 16 weeks pregnant when I finally POAS and got a BFP with DS2. DS1 was 8 months when I found out he was going to be a big brother rather sooner than planned and 1 year and 10 days old when DS2 was born prematurely.
I can remember the shock and incredulity so well when I went for what was ment to be an 'early' scan (after recurring miscarriages) and this enormous child with arms, legs and toes waved at us . It had taken us 5 years to make DS1, I was 37, I must have conceived in the week I had stopped BFing DS1...

Anyhoo, point of the story is: be kind to yourself. It is a terrible shock, no matter how overall wonderful the news might be once you have recovered and got more used to the idea.

I learnt on MN 'Those who matter don't care, and those who care don't matter' in regards to "how will people react?". Yes, you might get rude/not-throught-through/shocked responses, but hey ho - YOU get to have a baby .

You have actually warmed the cockles of my heart with your story tonight

And think of all the cake you will now be able to eat!!

magicmelons · 21/05/2011 21:23

Sitting or rather lying here at just 13 weeks pregnant and feeling like death i have to admit i am a little .

I'm sure it must be a shock but congratulations. Mine to was unplanned and i still waiver daily about how i feel although predominantly these days its excited and i've had 9 weeks to come around to the idea. You need a little wander around the shops to have a look at all those tiny baby pink things to get your excitement going oh and the thought of that new baby smell

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 21/05/2011 21:45

Bless you It's a massive shock.

A friend of mine didn't realise she was preganant till 5 months with her first dc, she said she had just got over the shck of pregnancy when labour hit! (maybe not what you wanted to hear, but just to say it does happen).

She found prgnancy really short (she only had 4 months left!!!) and actually quite nice, It was a bit of a shock when she had a full nine month one with her second.

With regard to your families, I think if you are honest they will welcome your new addition.

How old are your boys??

You will be fine but YATNBU to be a bit thrown by life changing news, but give yourself time and you will adjust (3 is lovely btw!)

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 21/05/2011 21:50

sorry x posted 4 and 7 is a nice gap and I had three girls with horrendous morning sickness with each (I will swear it was their hormones trying to oputdo mine )

Congratulations let yourself adapt to the idea then Auntie Monica's blanket text message is a good idea!

Original poster

JaneFonda · 21/05/2011 23:02

Thank you so much everyone!

Had a good chat with DP this evening after DS's were in bed, he was so lovely about it, and I did have a bit of a weep while we were talking!

He basically said he understands that it's a massive shock, it is for him too, but he's delighted and I've realised that I am too - although it will just be less time to get used to having a third DC, I'm lucky to be having another baby. :)

I'm going for a dating scan on Tuesday, as an extra confirmation because I obviously haven't got any growth charts or anything!

I will keep you all updated.

OP posts:

GnomeDePlume · 21/05/2011 23:15

Congratulations JaneFonda. We found out about DD2 (our 3rd DC) at a scan to find out what the hell was wrong. I was 17 weeks and 5 days along. She was definitely not planned (she was born practically clutching the useless copper coil).

Because of our unplanned 3rd DH stopped doing a job which bored him to become a SAHD. We moved house, we moved abroad. We wouldnt have done any of these things if we had had only our planned 2 DCs.

DD2 created as many if not more opportunities than her arrival blocked.

And with 3 DCs you are perfectly entitled to look at parents struggling with just one DC and say under your breath 'amateurs!'.

AgentZigzag · 21/05/2011 23:16

that's brilliant Jane.

ReindeerBollocks · 21/05/2011 23:22

Congratulations! How lovely that your DH has been supportive and so nice, especially when it must be such a shock. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes well.

Chunkamatic · 21/05/2011 23:23

Firstly, congratulations!

Secondly, give yourself a break. This is a massive shock. It's natural for you to feel emotional and have to work through your feelings.

Lovecat · 21/05/2011 23:24

Congratulations! :) Great that your DP has been so supportive - what a shock for you both! Best wishes for the rest of the pregnancy :)

spiderlight · 21/05/2011 23:30

That must be a heck of a bombshell to get your head around! It does happen though - I vividly remember getting a phone call from my best friend eight years ago saying 'You'll never guess where I am!' She'd gone to her GP with what she thought was a tummy bug that just wasn't shifting and the next thing she knew she was on a maternity ward. And this was a woman with a PhD in biology. Her bombshell is now the most beautiful little boy and she worships him.

apprenticemum · 21/05/2011 23:50

Professor Winston (Mr IVF himself) told me I would never have children.
5 years after finishing treatment and 13 years from the beginning of my problems, I suffered from a sickness bug that had been going round only, everyone got better and I didn't. I was nearly 4 months gone and totally shell shocked when the penny finally dropped. My DD arrived in my 40th year so I think it was my body's last gasp before shutdown. Daughters are totally different to sons and there will be no comparison. Try to think of this as a very special gift. Congratulations and to hell with what others might think!

letitlie · 21/05/2011 23:51

Congratulations! Hopefully as the shock subsides you can enjoy your 4 month pregnancy

thejaffacakesareonme · 22/05/2011 00:01

Congratulations! Could you say to your family that you didn't want to say anything until after the 20 week scan?

Morloth · 22/05/2011 00:37

It is OK to have a good cry about it, it must be confusing if nothing else!

I too have a friend who went to A&E with cramping and came home with a baby. She played lots of sport and had gained a little weight but put that down to feeling ill and not working out as much.

I had lunch with her a couple of days before she had her baby and there was nothing visible to indicate she was pregnant. She was just wearing normal jeans and t-shirt as well. Turns out she has a funny shaped uterus that sits kind of backwards or something.

Congratulations!

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