to want to find another home for my cats

[drivenmadbycats]

I know people are going to read the title and be angry, but please hear me out as to be honest, I'm at my wit's end here. I have had to change my usual nickname because of some finer details, so I apologise for that.

I have two daughters with less than two years between them as DD2 was premature. To be honest, it was touch and go for a while. I applied for part time hours in my teaching job but was turned down and, given that we'd nearly lost our baby, were keen to have some stability for both girls with me at home full time "and anyway, I can always go back to teaching" said I so brightly at the time. That's proved impossible since I don't have recent experience, and I can't do day to day supply because of childcare issues and I don't drive. We don't have very much money, therefore.

This is relevant to the cats situation because we also have two cats who we got because we are honestly loving people who wanted to give a loving and caring home to animals. Unfortunately, since the girls arrived, Cat1 has made it clear he is terrified of them. He just about tolerated DD1 but now that a pre schooler and a toddler are crashing around, he spends the majority of his time bolting for the cat flap. The girls don't torment him but (when they were babies/young toddlers) they would often shriek in joy when they saw him and I think he associates them with noise (understandably.) I love Cat1 very much, he is a loving and gentle cat with adults but it petrified of children. I have tried a diffuser for stress from the vet's but it hasn't made a difference. We live in a three storey house and he has numerous 'quiet' places such as the airing cupboard, our bedroom - to go to, but he just spends his days outside and when he is in, he creeps around looking so scared.

Cat2 is a far bigger problem. The worst thing about him is that he does his business repeatedly in the house and at the moment, has targeted the girls' bedroom as his litter tray. Like cat1 he has a litter tray and the cat flap is available but he doesn't seem to want to use it. The carpets upstairs are ruined because of this cat and the worse one is the girls' carpet. I've had them professionally cleaned but the smell was ingrained and he just promptly started to use it again. I'm so paranoid that the girls clothes and hair smells. My house smells, I notice as soon as we walk in a lingering scent of cat wee and poo, and it makes me feel dirty and so, so worried that the girls will get ill. My youngest has trodden in it before now. As well as this horrible habit, he also jumps up onto the table and takes food from our plates so if (for example) I take a glass or plate through to the kitchen, I can come back to see him tucking in. That's a minor consideration and can generally be avoided by putting him out but it does make meal times a bit more stressful.

I really would welcome advice, but to be frank we don't have the money for expensive behavioural therapies, we're barely making ends meet as it is and I have to sell things on ebay every week just to keep us afloat. Please don't tell me what a selfish, irresponsible person I am, as I'm honestly not like that at all. I've been putting up with this for years because I can't bear the thought of rehoming them but faced with a £700 bill for a replacement carpet I'm afraid I'm reaching my limit. Please, help us.

Having a litter tray in a child's bedroom is disgusting and rank. I am shocked that anyone would think that that is appropriate

"Rehoming is hardly a death sentence"

That's a rather naive thing to say. In some cases it is in fact a death sentence as the number of unwanted cats far outweighs the number of homes available. Some are inevitably put to sleep.

I have actually laughed out loud at the suggestion of a litter tray in a cat's bedroom.

OP, in all honesty (and speaking as a cat owner/lover), I would re-home the cats. My cats are generally pretty good but have had their moments of accidents in the house. There is no way I could tolerate the amount of indoor pooing and weeing that you've put up with. And like someone else said, a house that stinks of cat shit is no good to anyone!

What we do, is keep all bedroom doors shut (if you wanted to replace the bedroom door it wouldn't cost that much, probably only £50 or so, a lot less than the cost of more carpets) and keep the cats out of the bedrooms. They are allowed free run of downstairs, which has hard flooring so if they have a little accident it's no problem. At night they go out, from 8pm - 6 or 7am. They love going out, and it means at night when the children are in bed we can have bedroom doors open with no worries.

But I do think things are beyond the point of being sortable for you and you should definitely seriously consider rehoming the cats.

Oh get off your high horse tiredlady - the OP has a stressed out cat which is already using the room as a loo. A litter tray makes things much more manageable and would enable the situation to be moved on a bit. She could then rehome a cat who is able to toilet appropriately - hell of a lot easier to rehome than a cat who doesn't know how to behave.

I second the Zyklene advice. Also, one of our cats was spraying everywhere for a while. This then led to the other cats doing the same thing to compete. I did some research and it turned out he had a urine infection. Just a thought?
Other suggestions, 'get off spray' you can order on internet. My sister also used to put a bowl of food down where they had done their business. I don't know the psychology behind it but I know after a while it stopped. I do know how miserable it is when you have animals you love who pee and poo everywhere but I'm sure if you try some of these suggestions it can be solved. Maybe have a period to try each one of them out/a combination. At least then if you know you have done everything you can you may feel more comfortable with the decision you make. Personally, I couldn't get rid of them though. Good luck!

Frazzledmum - I really don't think your cats should be out all night like that. Cats are at risk from traffic, other cats and other animals at night. Please keep them in later in the evening.

We've had times like this with our cat and solution is All bedroom doors shut and cat in the garden 22 hours a day, he is still fed and petted but he cannot be trusted not to shit in my shoes so outside he goes. It worked for us.

Northernlurker, are you the cat police?

I have had the cats for 14 years, they are happy to go out overnight. They stand and miaow at the door each night and wont' come in if called until the morning. We live in a quiet area, with very little traffic and virtually none at night. In 14 years they haven't come to any harm from other cats or other animals.

And in any case I was replying to the OP and not asking you for your unwanted advice. You are not the only person in the world that knows how to look after cats.

And I agree with Tiredlady, Northernlurker; you are being ridiculous suggesting putting a litter tray in a child's bedroom, or in any bedroom for that matter. So ridiculous it's laughable

The cat is using the bedroom as it's toileting area already. Using and then gradually moving the litter tray is the way to stop this undesirable behaviour.
Frazzledmum - you are fortunate your cats have not come to harm. Your actions are potentially dangerous to them - all the more so as they get older and less able to evade threats. You're just going to have to deal with getting that 'unwanted advice'. Amazing how on this thread any advice that suggests cat owners actually making an effort to change their behaviour is unwelcome

I'm sorry but I really, really don't want to put a litter tray in a bedroom that a 3 year old and a 1 year old sleep in and I don't really think I need to explain that any further.

Can I also just stress that both cats have a litter tray which they don't use: I personally feel that having a litter tray in my girls' bedroom, apart from the fact that it is disgusting, would reinforce that cat's view that yes, this is the place to wee/poo, assuming he used it.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the suggestions that we haven't tried anything. The only options we have left (insofar as the cat who poos in the girls' bedrooms are concerned) are options which involve expensive behaviour therapy which we simply can't afford. The door issue again - it isn't as simple as "keep the door shut" because on the occasions the cat hasn't been able to get in he has simply gone elsewhere, usually in the hall which is also carpeted hence why we have to replace ALL upstairs carpets. Or he finds the Moses basket, or the pram. It's just awful. In addition to this my eldest is in and out of her room playing, getting her toys, books, dress up and she just doesn't always remember to close the door. I feel really uncomfortable closing it at night. My youngest is not a well little girl at all and neither of the girls can open (or close) the door easily alone as it's close to the carpet and 'drags' - if one of them had an accident or a bad dream they would struggle to get out if the door was closed.

I'm sorry to go on. It's just I honestly feel in my own heart that I have tried so hard to provide the cats with what they need: a litter tray to use and a cat flap to go outside and in again whenever they want but I completely draw the line at making my daughters share their room with shit, I'm sorry but I do.

northernlurker, I'm not trying to be difficult but do you have children? Would you seriously place feces, animal or human, in a bedroom where they sleep?

You see, when I have mentioned this issue to others, they have been horrified that I have even considered keeping a cat who does this and someone who previously mentioned SS is quite right. That's assuming two well, healthy children which my youngest is not.

Northernlurker, I'm not the OP and didn't ask for your advice. Not quite sure what you mean by me "having to deal with that unwanted advice".

You're not the only person in the world to own cats/be a cat lover but you are acting as though its you + cats against the whole world.

Aimee - we did try the spraying thing that was recommended by the vet and also tried spraying water which Pets at Home suggested. We also bought a plug in which is meant to chill cats out from the Internet. I don't know if I have strange cats but they all had absolutely no effect whatsoever. As far as cat2 is concerned, the DDs bedroom is a toilet.

OP, really, don't beat yourself up about this. You are simply putting the needs of your children, before the needs of your cats. Absolutely nothing wrong in that at all, despite what some people on here would have you believe.
Your cats are shitting all over the house. YANBU in deciding enough is enough.

Yes of course he goes everywhere OP - he doesn't know where to go. You don't need behaviour therapy to tell you that. 5 minutes on Google would have done it.

Your litter tray is in the hall at the moment. Presumably that's a fairly busy area. Cats won't use trays where they don't feel safe. They're not dim! Many cats don't like sharing trays either. Even if Cat1 doesn't use that tray Cat2 may still see it as his or he may have been startled when using it. Presumably your doorbell rings most loudly in the hall? I wouldn't like it if a loud bell tended to ring in my ears when on the loo.
Your cat is using anywhere he can find away from 'people traffic' and yes of course it's revolting. It is a problem that you have allowed to build up though and you can fix it. A tray in the bedroom would be a very short term measure but plainly you aren't going to do that so please get your poor cats out of your house as soon as you can.

I would get them re-homed. We are a family who have always had cats and I've been through similar. It sounds like one may be ill / emotionally in need. Either way, you are too skint / busy to deal with it. Please don't stress too much. Some old lady may end up looking after them and they will have a lovely time of it. Hope it all works out. x

Yes I have children - three of them. Also a cat.

i have one of those covered litter trays with a filter in the upstairs hallway,you dont have to have one in the bedroom.you have to make sure you keep the litter tray clean or a cat wont use it.for what its worth our cat use to stay out of the childrens way when they was young,but to be honest you seem overwhelmed some cats just prefer to be outside i dont understand why that would be a good reason to rehome a cat.the other cat can be sorted by giving it a quiet place for its litter tray,keeping doors shut,keeping litter tray clean,neuturing and ruling out a urine infection.

Well then Northernlurker you should know what a ridiculous suggestion it is to keep a litter tray in a child's bedroom. Would you honestly want a tray full of shit and piss in your childrens' room? I know I wouldn't. It's all very well lecturing people about what they're (supposedly) doing wrong with their pets but at the end of the day animals are animals and there comes a point where the humans in a household have to come first. No doubt you will vehemently disagree with this but I think most sensible parents will share my viewpoint and put the wellbeing of their children over their cats toileting habits.

Thanks cathy.

I'm not dim either, northernlurker, and no, the litter tray is not in a busy area. The hall is a very quiet area of our house because it is away from children playing. We don't actually have a doorbell and I think the only people who knock on the door are Jehovahs witnesses (twice) and a bailiff once, thankfully for the house's previous owner and not for us. I suppose there is a chance that my cat could have been shitting in the litter tray at these exact moments but I think it's probably unlikely.

But you're right, I've clearly been abusing my poor cats' sensibilities by forcing him to shit in public, thus forcing him to go upstairs and do it all over the carpet. My visits to the vet, pet shops over the course of almost 3 years trying to sort this evidently show how the poor cat has suffered. I might add that in the midst of this I have been dealing with two young children, one of whom is very unwell indeed and her immune system isn't great. Do you really not think google wasn't the first place I looked? I draw the line at your suggestion because it's horrible, to be honest - I am not the only one who thinks so. I really think my MIL would involve SS if I pursued the route you are suggesting, whether for one night or for one year, and I wouldn't blame her in the slightest.

Pinkstarlight, they do have a covered litter tray but honestly it's been unused for so long. I don't think either cat has used it since we got them (cats, not litter trays.) Cat1 goes outside and cat2 used to but when we moved here for some reason he took to going where there were carpets and particularly in the girls' bedrooms.

People have explained, very clearly, that you wouldnt have mess in the room if you monitored the tray - I think thats what northern was trying to explain to you aswell. So you have wee and poo in there now, or littler which can be easily removed and doesnt stain or smell for a few days.

It was a suggestion you were given as people thought you wanted advice.
No point arguing with them now.

Clearly OP from your posts, you want to rehome the cats, especially cat2. If thats what you think is best for your children, just do it. Not sure why you are asking our opinion.

Ok well go ahead and continue having your cat using your bedroom floor as a toilet area till you manage to rehome them. Btw if your vet hasn't mentioned that two cats may need more than one tray then you need a new vet.

Frazzledmum - personally if my cat uses her litter tray I clean it out as soon as I'm aware of it. No trays full of faeces here.

Well have a medal Northernlurker for devoting your whole life to your cats. Congratulations