SIL's wedding list

[ditavonteesed]

am currently looking through it and pmsl. and that was before I reached the £1000 telly and £700 stereo system. ffs

My sil didn't even get us a present or say sorry I can't afford it.

She did however, make sure two distant family members came who only she talks to (extra £200), invited her sons girlfriend (extra £100), had a corsage because "she's the mother of the best man, it's important she has one" WTF?(extra £15) and took half the evening buffet home in a box. And wore a minidress then moaned she was cold (wonder why) And made no effort to be nice to anyone just went out for a fag every 5 minutes. And complained she couldn't afford to stay over after I paid for mil to stay so fil could drink himself leggless (mission achieved). Oh and left earlier than other guests " got to get back for the dog" good job I didn't get her a room then. Oh and she looked miserable throughout.

So yes after all the effort I went to make sure her expartners family could come even though they make no effort with us any other time of year a thank you letter would have been nice.

A present is an aknowlegement that you went to some trouble to entertain everyone. If you can't afford one a bunch of flowers and a letter of thanks goes a long way.

I think wedding lists can be very useful as they can give you ideas about tastes and also what type of gifts the couple may find useful.

We had one when we got married and it was a huge shame that DH's three aunts and their dh's (who had clubbed together) didn't use it. They were adamant that they much preferred to make their own decision about a present.

They spent a lot of money on a very expensive lawnmower for our new home.
A very kind idea and something nobody else had thought of.

The problem was that our new home was a fourth floor flat.

I too agree that John Lewis vouchers are an excellent "can't go wrong with" gift if you are in any doubt or there is nothing on a list that is affordable or takes your fancy.

Oh my fluffy your sil sounds like a right cow. She sounds like she is used to getting her way and probably thinks that by virtue of her turning up a present wasn't necessary. In this instance it was sheer bad manners. Every case is different. Yikes.

80sbabe - that's very funny. On the other hand, DH and I had a TV on our wedding list, several of DH's rellies clubbed together and bought it for us - and we (and our dc) have had a huge amount of pleasure from it over the years.

And before I get any stick we had loads of much cheaper stuff too - all of it equally appreciated. The £4.99 egg poacher is one of my favourites and I still think fondly of the uncle who bought it for us when we use it.

My number one favourite wedding gift was the bed clothes that my sil made us, she was skint at the time and I felt they were made with such love.

i hate wedding lists! they are the worst, most money grabbing idea someone in the wedding industry ever thought up!!

i didnt have a list and specifically stated on my invites that we wanted the person to come and celebrate our day with us, paid for the food and some drinks aswell and told people we didnt want people to buy us anything.

we did get some gifts and a reasonable sum of money and vouchers from family and friends but in no way was this expected!

a friend of mine had a card in her invite that stated where to shop for their present and if no gift than they are happy to accept money

she, however, was one person who RSVP'ed to our wedding, said she was definietly coming and she had to bring her 2 children (therefore we paid another £50 to add 2 meals onto the guest list) and then didnt turn up on the day!! she didnt even send me a text to say congrats but then expects us to visit house of fraser and buy a bedding set for £150?? cheeky cow!!

nope, wedding lists are poo imo!

I went to a family wedding last year and on the JL gift list were two toilet brushes at £30 each!

One of my partner's best friend's is getting married in August and they're wedding list contains the most depressing shite imaginable! All John Rocha stuff from Debenhams (which I've only ever been into to use the toilet) and everything is black or white or grey. Huge number of vases on there too.

Don't really want to buy them anything from the list as I do agree that they;'re a bit preentious and given that they really seem to like black and white thought I might adopt them a panda. Would that be good? I'd like that as present.

I think lists can be useful but I hardly ever buy off them. I don't want to give somebody two side plates and 3 brandy goblets!

moongirl a panda is a FABULOUS idea we are a cuddly kind

my standard wedding gift atm is two le crueset heart ramekins with lids, they are gorgeous and £10 from tkmaxx although look a lot more expensive. I hate to look cheap, especially at sil's wedding where we are the poor relatives and dh has just found out this week he is going to lose his job, I am a sahm. I really appreciate how much they have done for us to be able to go, no way we could have saved up the money otherwise but it has still cost us a fortune, my dress, bbq on the first night is not cheap and food for the 3 days we are there etc. Threere will definatly be peiople there who will spend a lot of money, I would just feel so tight getting 2 tea spoons (which would be about our budget). I do feel guilty though after the amount of money they have spent on us, girls are both bridesmaids and I believe dsil has bought them both presents as well as dresses and shoes.
Am really looking forward to it but know I am going to soend the day with my mouth wide open at how the other half live.

your gift sounds beautiful ditavonteesd, I think its very sweet and romantic. Enjoy the day

I think the real point here is why are you actually buying the gift! If there's nothing on the list in your price range fair enough but if it's a sensible list then there is no reason not to. Are you buying them a gift because you want that warm fuzzy gift giving experience or because you like something or are you wanting to get them something they'll like and will use.
I'm not saying the two are mutually exclusive but there are no guarantees and much safer to buy something they want enough to request.

I don't think there is anything rude about it, it's just if you'd like to buy something this is what would be useful. We are getting married in July, we don't have stacks of cash and live in a mostly furnished house which we are moving out of at Christmas. Means we have to buy furniture etc which is pricey! We have some stuff but only bits and bobs and all of it is cheap / a hand me down and nearing the end of it's life. I think our gift list is sensible it has lots and lots from £1.50 up to about £100ish (links available btw for those who want to see if it's acceptable :o )

Also have said cash / vouchers would be great as we want to get some stuff on eBay / in the sale nearer the time. But I don't expect anything and have made one due to lots of requests.

I don't see at all why you if you want something you buy it yourself - what about the gift you just bought then?!
Sorry if all that's a bit garbled - typing and cooking!

If you genuinely are happy just to celebrate the day with your friends and family then why have a wedding list at all?. No you have them because it is a trade off-they are greedy.Simples.There is no justifying them(unless it is a charity one). We got a small amount of cash when we wed which we donated to a charity close to my heart. I suppose we could have used that cash to put towards a better honeymoon(2 nights in a local hotel)but I didnt expect my guests to fund that for us.

Im like you scarlettsmummy, I didnt want 1 either and just said if people wanted to get us something get vouchers. And we got some nice presents to and a mixture of Argos and John Lewis vouchers - perfect - and they we could choose what we wnated with them, the best way for us.

I dont get the people mentioned here that dont have anything less than a £150 presents on their list - it shows a complete self absorption and lack of awareness that not everyone can afford this sort of thing. Fair enough if a group of people who all knew each other could chip in but not everyone is in this position either.

One of our fave gifts was a climbing rose called "wedding day" which we planted after we got back off honeymoon and it grew beautifully til we had to move it for the kitchen/diner extension and then it died - sob!

Thanks for the input....I will put 20 euros in the card..is that enough do you think (we are friends of family and going to the evening reception)?

becarooo 20euros is certainly enough for evening reception imo, they can get something nice out of that

Adopting a panda? What a great idea . I did this for a while through the WWF and as well as getting a certificate, information etc etc you get a wee cuddly panda to.

In vast majority of cases wedding list is not a trade off or a money grabbing idea - they are an optional way to help guests show their appreciation for the couple - and the occasion - in a way the couple would appreciate, so your money isn't wasted.

I would like to ask the people who think it is greedy having a list if they would show up at a birthday party without a card or a present for the person whose birthday it is - wedding is the same, IMHO.

List is just to help you choose something in YOUR budget - if you don't like it fair enough choose something else- and to save the couple from having to field a lot of phone calls asking what they would like or need.

Also think Dita's gift idea sounds lovely and thoughtful - and so does Moongirl's panda one. Both good reasons to choose an alternative gift not from a list.

And as for the toilet brushes - I remember for the first wedding of any of my friends my mate and I clubbed together to buy a wooden toilet seat for the Happy couple. It appealed to our rather juvenile sense of humour at the time but the couple still has the toilet seat 20 years later and they will never forget who gave it to them!!

I think that sounds like a really nice gift OP. If you want to do a bit 'more' you can always take photos on the day and send them to them afterwards on a CD? I really appreciated people who did this for me.

We had a real mix of people from different backgrounds at our wedding, we had a gift list (on request) which not everyone used - fine. From the gift list the least any guest spent was £8 on a set of chopsticks that I LOVE - we eat loads of chinese food and old chopsticks were getting battered and the most anyone spent was about £70-80 (can't remember) on our breadmaker which gets used nearly every day.

We had lived together for a while but have never been wealthy so almost everything we had was second hand and a lot of it very battered. I'm glad I did one in the end.

There isn't anything wrong with gift lists IMO, unless you demand people buy from them or are unrealistic about the prices of the things on it. We had stuff from a £1 upwards and it worked really well.

This is why I've asked for cash for my wedding list