SIL's wedding list

[ditavonteesed]

am currently looking through it and pmsl. and that was before I reached the £1000 telly and £700 stereo system. ffs

I've always regarded a wedding list as 'optional' - if you don't know what to buy the couple, then buy something from the list which fits your budget. But if you would prefer to buy something different, or give cash or vouchers or a charity gift etc then go for it. Quite hard for the couple to return 2 toasters though - especially when some guests may have been coming from long distances away and might have bought the toaster in their home town!

I remember when my mum and SD got married when I was little.

People kept asking what to buy for a present and mum just couldn't come up with ideas, insisted people didn't have to buy anything but they all wanted to.

So she got the Argos and Index books out, cut out the items she fancied (stuff for the house really, the kitchen mainly) and stuck each item to a page of a reporters notebook. If anyone asked her what they could buy as a present, she gave them the notebook and the tore off a page of what they wanted to buy.

Still makes me smile to think of it years later, of course it was before the internet and giving money for honeymoons I suppose. Everyone thought it was a lovely idea and lots of her friends did the same when they got married!

That particular wedding with the cash minimum was an invite my mother got from the brother of a colleague....she had met him once. She was quite fazed by it, it was a massive wedding 250 guests (thats massive in my book, I had 50 at mine and thought that was a nice size) they must have made some amount of money. The worst for me with weddings is those who look at it as if they can make money, thats sad. I think you should have a wedding you can afford, imo, (old-fashioned probably) the emphasis should be on the marriage and the celebration of the love and not the material.

Yes, we're in a bit of a situation at the moment.... A close friend is getting married for the second time this autumn, complete with all the bells and whistles. They are in a different country from us, and it's costing us £600 just on travel and accommodation to attend. There's a gift list sent out with the invitation, and there's nothing under £150 on it. My contract at work is about to end, and we're concerned about the amount it's costing us, but sucking it up. When I asked if there was anything even slightly cheaper they might like, I was told 'No, only the gift list'. I think we'll be buying something cheaper anyway, but it really makes me feel we don't want to go.... If we ever get married, I'm taking notes for how NOT to do it.

Missmelo, was that wedding in the UK? Just curious ...

In some cultures it is all about cash - eg at Greek weddings the tradition is to pin money on the bride's dress.

Jenstar buy something cheaper....600 big ones to get there....are they not even calculating that into the effort you are going to. They should be honoured with your presence and should not expect anymore than a token, a close friend should understand that.

Jenstar21 - can you give them something homemade or personal in some way - if it is a close friend I am sure they will understand.

Jenstar21, that's pretty cheeky of the B&G! Ignore them. Don't take anything if money is tight, especially given the cost of just attending. Also an expensive list and full on wedding for a second marriage seems a bit off. I'm not denigrating anyone whose been divorced / widowed and is remarrying, but if I were ever to marry again I think I'd want to keep it low key.

Yes GeorgeEliot and they were certainly not Greek. They were just blatant opportunists, nothing cultural about it

We put different honeymoon experiences on the list ranging from coffee and cakes, to spa vouchers to touristy experiences. Ranged from £5 to £25, but some rich and generous folk bought several of the experiences IYSWIM. Our invite gave this website, but also said people didn't have to buy from this list - cue some lovely thoughtful gifts (Lush! bath sets to take with us, embroidered throw, kitchen stuff).

Jenstar- thats horrible. Are you sure they didn't mean there wasn't anything that they nessarily wanted (so you could either not buy something or buy something of your choice) or were they saying you really should buy off the list?

Do they know money is tight? I would never expect a present anyway but I sure as hell wouldn't expect one from someone who spent 600 quid to see me! TBH if they are that insensitive I probably wouldn't even be friends with them

The best wedding list I've seen was one sent to my friend for a wedding in Syria. The grooms sister is princess of Syria through marriage....you can imagine the prices of things. £3000 bed sheets but he bought them a £200 gravy boat STAND.

I realise I'm making my friend sound awful. She's not! She's just gone a bit bridezilla.....! Said they wanted to completely re-do their house, so were asking for lots of new things to start a new life, etc. They're going somewhere on honeymoon I know quite well, so we're trying to be creative in finding something we can afford, which might be a nice experience for them on honeymoon. She knows our situation, but, she's quite wealthy, and doensn't really understand quite what a tight budget is.... Anyway - this isn't my thread.... Sorry!

"My cousin had no wedding list because she considered it tacky.

She got 27 (yes we counted) vases, numerous dustcatchers ornaments, some books and odd assorted household stuff but had to go out and buy a set of plates/bowls/cups, some towels, some cutlery after the wedding (she and husband were still living t home b4 wedding so had nada). I thought that was ridiculous."

SIL got 20 casserole dishes

"I had a wedding list, given to those that asked. Most did and I got useful stuff that gets used every day."

Tha's exactly what we did. The problem with lists containing high cost items is that people will ignore them and buy what they can afford, so they might as well not bother with a list in the first place.

I think there is a place for wedding lists, but they shouldn't be sent out with the invitations as it looks rather grasping.

Omg some people need to get a grip the point in a wedding is marrying your loved one not for presants. imo i dont think you should be asking for anything.

So vulgar! We asked people to spend their money on coming to our wedding - it was in Paris and lasted 3 days (we paid for pre wedding dinner, wedding breakfast and evening event and brunch the next day) but only invited 35 people. Anyone who wanted to donate to charity on top was given details of NSPCC and Cancer Research.

that is the reason we only ever give cash as wedding present. calculated roughly on what the meal would have cost.

I agree that it is vulgar to include a wedding list with the invitation. Correct protocol is not to mention it all with invitation and for guests to ask brides parents' "where the wedding list is being held" - who answer, John Lewis, Harrods, Asda, etc...

However, nowadays when weddings often include complicated sets of instructions and many wedding lists are online, then it is OK to include a sentence about where it is held with the instructions - or if you are doing something that is a bit unusual - eg a wine list instead, contributions to honeymoon, or experiences that's fine too.

It should be viewed as offering people who would like to give you a present some help and guidance on what you would appreciate, rather than a 'request' for presents.

Agree with mousy i think cash is often most appreciated!

cat64 said it far more eloquently than I was able to ...

Jenstar - if they want the list and nothing but the list then give them the list...

Photocopy/print it nicely on nice paper and then buy a nice frame to fit it (or just page 1 if it's long!) . Put list in frame, wrap and give to greedy happy couple. Voila they get they get their list albeit not quite how they expected...

If you're creative you could shiggle it about on the computer and fit into a single page like those posters that people do of the text of famous books printed on a poster often with a relevant shape left blank for arty effect like a sillhouette of Sherlock holmes smoking a pipe for hound of the Baskervilles...

I did'nt really like wedding lists & asking for money but then when I think how much effort most Bride & Grooms put into the day trying to keep everyone happy and paying for food/drink/party for family & friends,I changed my mind. I try and buy the best present I can afford on their list or gift money. I would much prefer it to be what they would like, rather than what I think would be nice. Most weddings cost a fortune,which most people can't really afford.Then most end up inviting people they don't really have in your life to keep others happy. So, i think they should be treated to a lovely gift/money etc of their choice.

I can't believe people still have wedding lists - it seems so naff and old fashioned. Surely it's just a hangover from the days when people went from their family homes to the marital home, never having lived together or owned so much as a cup and saucer between them? Does that apply to anyone now?

I didn't have a wedding list as they aren't my cup of tea, however we got some really lovely presents but most people just got as vouchers for John Lewis or money.

I really dislike wedding lists when it is young professionals who already live together and have everything they need already. I think it is a bit cheeky. I don't mind when it is a young couple who literally are starting out and have nothing but when you already have your own home it is a bit much.

nancy66 and scarlettsmummy2 - do you not want to give the married couple a present as a sign that you wish them well for the future though, and that will also help them remember all the people who helped to celebrate their special day?

Even if they already have enough toasters etc -- isn't it better to give them a present they will like rather than something they don't really want.