SIL's wedding list

[ditavonteesed]

am currently looking through it and pmsl. and that was before I reached the £1000 telly and £700 stereo system. ffs

We had just bought our first house and had fun things like an ironing board on our list. Nothing on there was expensive but everything was needed for our new house. DH's cousin on the other hand went all out for evetything expensive.

I like the honeymoon thing. My best friend is getting married her and her partner have paid for a pot of the wedding themselves and cannot afford a honeymoon.
I am happy to put money towards their honeymoon as they cannot usually afford a holiday and don't need any presents that we could buy anyway as they already live together

I bought a TV for a recent wedding present. It was £850 and split between 11 people. I like the couple and I would rather they had the TV they wanted than 11 silver photo frames/vases/bottles of champagne with 2 glasses.

I don't mind honeymoon vouchers either. Its lovely to have a 'holiday of a lifetime' when you are young and childfree. DH and I couldn't afford to go away. We planned to save up and go the next year but I was pg. We have never spent a night in a hotel that hasn't been shared with a child since our wedding night. I don't want to sound bitter about it, I just recognise the value of a honeymoon.

We had a practical list that ranged from about £5-£80 with the majority coming in around £20-£30. We both lived with our parents and didn't have 'stuff'. We had a dinner service split into individual plates etc. and one person bought the whole lot .

I thought our wedding list was very sensible, but some of DH's friends used it rather insensitively, by spending loads of money buying up all the cheap things, which I had purposely put on the list. Bastards.

We had a wedding list, but I was very mindful of the fact that people would want to get us things we wanted at the same time as wanting to give things that they are happy with.

i don't have a problem with lists, some people find them easier to order from. 5 minutes on the internet and they have found something in the right price range that they know would be used. What's the problem? Obviously for that to happen though, the B&G need to make sure they put things on there in a range of prices. Our most expensive thing was £80, but I knew that a couple of relatives would want to spend that much, and as it happens the relatives that wanted to spend £100 bought an £80 thing and another £20 thing, which was a lovely surprise.

When choosing things to go on the list, I knew one freind that would want to get us brandy glasses, another that would want to get the wine glasses. I had friends complaining that someone else had already bought the toaster because they all wanted to get the traditional thing! I also had a couple of friends that moaned that it was a boring list because we only put useful housey items on there!

And ususally with list there is an option to just put money on a gift card, which more people did than we expected, but it meant that we could choose what we wanted out of the remaining items when the list closed.

We used one of those wedding list companies, who told us what the average spend was (I was shocked - clearly I had been rather mean to friends who married before us!). They were also really good at advising us to get a range of things from low to high, and said that we must put at least one vase on the list, because somebody will be bound to buy you one, and you might as well get one you actually like! (I use it all the time, and always think of the friend who gave it to us).

My uncle gave me a cheque and said we should use it to get anything on the list that we wanted but hadn't been bought eg any missing bits of the dinner service, which I thought was very sweet, and surprisingly thoughtful.

At the end of it all, I was overwhelmed by people's generosity :)

This is making me want to get married a bit . . . hmmm presents!

They are definately taking the piss.

We had a wedding list for people who asked the cheapest things on it were chopsticks (a pound a pair if I remember rightly!) and the most expensive was an ipad we were 100% joking with the ipad.

Some people clubbed together to buy us a voucher for a weekend away as we couldn't afford a honeymoon which was really sweet and unexpected.

I am about the grabbiness and rudeness of some. Ok so your well off but must understand that not everyone you invite to your wedding is in the same position. How daft can you be. This has never happened to me, but if a wedding list had very expensive items in worth over £100, then then would be getting a £30 John Lewis gift card end of!

We had a few "joke" expensive presents on ours. Actually a group of friends got together to buy us a dishwasher (which we didn't expect but were very grateful for).

I refused to have one, or to request money for any purpose as I think it's vulgar.

As it was several people gave gifts of time or skills (making the cake, photos etc) and some others gave us money, some gave us gift vouchers (we'd just moved house so people anticipated we'd need stuff and those who know me knew of my Ikea fetish), some gave us bottles of bubbly, some gave nothing at all and I didn't care either way - the choice was theirs. In-laws gave us a fairly hefty cheque which they expected we'd buy a massive holiday with... we used it for the very boring and grown up deposit on a house (they were fine with this but gawd hubby's a premature old fart sometimes)!

I never ever buy off wedding lists. Completely rude imo. A wedding should be about celebrating your love and commitment to your spouse in front of your nearest and dearest-not how much you can screw out of people.

When I got married our inlaws offered to pay for reception(a meal for 25-no party) and my mum offered to buy my dress/bridesmaids dresses. We paid for the rest ourselves. An aunt made my bouquet and cake(that was her gift) and I also had 2 friends who couldnt afford a gift as they had spent the cash travelling to the wedding(all I wanted was them there so wasnt a problem).

The gifts we got were the traditional things(toaster etc) and we were more than happy with them. Wouldnt have dreamed of moaning because we got two or if we got a hideous dinner set(which we did!).

I cannot abide people who ask their guest to pay for their honeymoon-how grasping can you get. If you cant afford to pay for it yourselves then dont have one.End of.

We had been living together for ages so asked for plants for the garden. We got a damson tree, a cherry tree and a number of roses. it was lovely. I also asked for vases as i love cut flowers in the house and people so very generously gave us some beautiful vases.

One person though gave us 100 quid John Lewiss voucher which i was OVERWHELMED by. I thought that was insanely generous.

I think many people here are missing the point about wedding lists. It is an opportunity for the couple to build up a collection of stuff which hopefully will last for the rest of their lives - nice china, glasses etc. This stuff tends to be expensive - so if they put, say, 1 dozen plates on the list which cost, say £40 each - people have the opportunity to buy them just 1 plate if that's all they can afford, or say, 6, if they prefer to pay more -- so they can get a complete set of something really nice. And as another poster said, some people like to club together as a group to buy, say, a TV (which happened to us too).

The important thing is to have a variety of different things on the list to suit different budgets. When we got married, the most generous present bought off our list was £300 - a set of 12 of something (we got a couple of cheques for larger amounts) and the smallest was £25 - we genuinely didn't care who spent what - the big spenders tended to be our parents' friends, the smaller ones were our friends. 10 years on we have a lovely collection of crystal which we will pass on to our children.

I don't think it's about being greedy or grasping, as long as you have a range of things to choose from. And people who balk at spending a lot on a wedding present might want to consider that the hosts of the wedding are probably forking out at least £50 a head. Not that i think it should be transactional.

Hmm. Yes GeorgeEliot has a good point. I do think that 'the spend' should not be transactional, but I do tend to take it into account when buying for people. The few weddings i have been to as an adult, i guess I take about 60 quid as a guide price. We cannot go to a friend's wedding next month due to conflicting obligations and I had intended to send amazing flowers.

(Mind you, I still maintain that a list at Harrod's is taking the piss).

I really don't understand the fury directed at gift lists on MN. Times change, what is acceptable changes. Gift lists are acceptable and the norm. However, all the websites say that if you're having a guest list you should make sure that there is a variety of items on it, to suit all budgets. So OP your SIL is taking the piss rather.

My inlaws always ask me what I would like for my birthday and christmas. I give them ideas, and they ignore them and buy me something I neither want nor need, which takes up valuable space in our smallish flat. I think that is far more rude and thoughtless than sending a gift list.

If you don't like it then vouchers are always a good option. It's their day, respect their wishes.

Some wedding lists, imo, are paramount to bad manners. I think asking people for an expensive gift and not having any other options is plain rude. However, sometimes a wedding list can be helpful and help people who are coming to the wedding to know what to give the couple. The rudest thing I've ever seen an a wedding invite was Gift: 200 per couple or 150 per single, written in the bottom right hand corner. Thats just beyond what could ever be classed as acceptable behaviour.

georgeelliot-if you want a collection of crystal to pass on to your kids then buy it yourself. Also if you think you are entitled to presents because you are forking out for meal/party for guests then dont have any guests surely?.
Weddings are just another sad sign of the entitlement culture we sadly live in. Even people without two pennies to rub together think they have to have a huge wedding and a honeymoon in the maldives.People get themselves into silly amounts of debt or expects others to pay. Avarice seems to know no bounds these days.

missmelo Yikes. That is truly dreadful!

Fucking hell. I never have 150 pounds spare at any one time, Certainly not for someone else's wedding!

Maybe I am a cheapskate [thinks hard]. I am usually calculating my 60 quid on the two of us going to it.

Oh dear, AM I cheap? [worries]

springfollows-nope you are not cheap. I am! planning to spend £15 max on my friends wedding present(they been together years,have a home).

springfollows you are not cheap and the cost of going to a wedding, especially if u have kiddos is huge. Babysitters, or bringing them and paying for a hotel room (if its far away) clothes, time off work (if its a weekday wedding). If its a close family member or a good friend I buy something I know they need/discuss with them if there is anything the would like. If its a distant relation cousin etc (I have loads) then its a token. You are not cheap at all!

Thanks both. I always thought I was okay in terms of gifts, but the 150 for a single and 200 for a couple just threw me! That is just insane.

Haven't been to a wedding yet with DC. Went out recently since DC1 was born and it was a major shock having to factor in 30 buck for babysitting money!

pink4ever - you missed my point, I said the wedding should not be transactional. And that most married couples CANNOT afford to buy something nice which should last them a lifetime - whether it's a dinner service, nice glasses, candlesticks or Le Creuset - but having a wedding list where people are able to contribute different amounts enables them to have something which will be a lasting reminder of their special day and maybe even pass on to their children.

Very shocked at what Missmelo said - that is the height of bad manners.

I don't think people should feel entitled to presents at their wedding - but it is a tradition that has evolved over hundreds of years. And I would not dream of taking hospitality from someone else (wedding, dinner, party) without bringing a token of appreciation, even if it is just a jar of home made jam or bunch of flowers from my garden.

OH and I call wedding lists 'greed lists' - hate em. Gifts should be personal and reflect the giver's choice and thought, if you get three toasters you can return two. Charity wedding lists on the other hand are lovely. FWIW we do buy others' gifts and usually spend about £100, but we hate the lists!