to expect babysitting Grandma to get dd home by 7pm and in bed by 8pm?

[stella1w]

My Mum has done very little to help with my 3 yo since she was born (things have been v strained between us since my parents had a nasty divorce during my pg).
However, she does collect my dd once a week from nursery up in town and bring her back to my house so I can work late(r).
She picks her up at 4.30pm and gets back around 5.30pm.
I'd prefer her to bring dd straight home, I let her take dd to her house for a while before coming back to my house (a ten min drive away) BUT to make sure dd back at her house at 7pm to unwind before bed at 8pm.
So of course, my Mum did not bother to bring her home until 8pm and she was still up when I got back at 8.30pm generally having a wired time..
Mum says dd was so tired after nursery she just HAD to watch a 90 min disney film, when of course made things get late and then she HAD to play in the garden.
DD has hard time sleeping - only just managed to get her into routine of bed at 8.30pm and with dc2 about to arrive really need to keep a routine going..
So AIBU to expect Grandma to stick to my routine? Or should I just accept that she's a grandma doing me a favour who can't be bothered to take care of dd as she should be - just wants to have some fun with her once a week?

all good points.. I still think that getting an overtired child to bed mid week is not too much to ask and I should have clarified that dm did not help with dd at all for first 2.5 years of her life!
On the other hand... she is doing me a favour, so if the late bedtime gets too much for dd, I'll find another arrangement..

I'm unclear - is this the first time she has been late since she started doing pick ups?

if so, just tell her that DD was in a terrible state in the morning and really must get to bed on time on nursery nights

is it one night once a week? depends on what the knock on effect is after late night? is dd whingy and exhausted - then yes you need to ask for granny to please stick to bed times. my kids really struggle if they have late nights and it takes days for kids to get back to normal. my friends kids seem to cope with late nights but then when i think about it they are whingy most of the time and probably could do with an early night or two.

It's only when I read a thread like this that I realise how lucky I am with my mum. When my 2 boys were little, she had each of them for 2 afternoons a week so I could go to work and baby sat occasionally in the evening so DH and I could go out. She always used to ask me if I wanted the boys to have a nap, how long they were to sleep for, if they needed anything to eat, etc and was more than happy to follow any routine the boys were in. It didn't stop her having fun with her grandsons, they adore her and I was always very grateful to her for all her help. The boys never came home over tired, or not ready for bed because they'd slept all afternoon when they no longer had a daytime nap. Even now they are older (12 and 8) she will ask me what time they are to go to bed if they stay at her house. I might tell her what time they go to bed at home, but that's only for guidance because now it's a case of her house, her rules and I assure her she must do whatever suits her best - the boys know she's in charge and I'm grateful that they are being looked after by somebody I trust completely. Thanks Mum!

There's gonna be some deep green faces when the teeming hordes get to read your response later today marilyn

Believe me Izzy I do realise how lucky I am. My MIL's a lovely woman, but has very rarely babysat for us, so I know my mum's a bit special! I do try to reciprocate as much as I can, doing odd jobs for her round the house and giving her lifts whenever she can't drive herself, etc. I'm just glad my boys have been able to grow up with such a close relationship to their Gran.

yabu - are you peed of because you wanted her in bed asleep so you could come in and relax without putting dd to bed and save all that hassle? Perhaps your mum thought you might like to kiss her goodnight and put her to bed yourself. Just a thought.

How important is the bedtime? If v important you need a different arrangement. Otherwise I'd let it go.

YABU. She is doing yu a favour...my MIL used to feed mY DC utter crap and let them sleep on the sofa insted of putting them to bed....it annoyed the hell out of me but I never complained. I felt happy to have someone who adored the DC.