Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to charge friends going rate for childminding?

105 replies

whethergirl · 20/05/2011 22:50

My neighbours are friends of mine and so is our ds, who go to the same school. Over the last few years I've helped them out with babysitting as they both work. I've been happy to do this as favours, they are always happy to help me if I need anything, as friends do.

They told me the other day they were going to interview a childminder to pick up their ds from school a couple of days a week, and some full days during the school hols. They told me they were thinking about asking me, but I think they were feeling a bit awkward about it. But we agreed, as I need the money and they need a childminder, it would actually be a perfect arrangement.

I told them, as they were friends, I would not charge them as much as their usual childminder (they have another regular childminder who does weekends and late evenings). They pay her £6ph, I said I would accept £4. They said no, they were happy to pay me the full rate. Anyway, the conversation ended but I went away and decided that I would offer to charge them £5 ph, all inclusive - meaning any extra costs for lunch, entry fees etc, I'd be happy to absorb. This is because they are friends, and I don't want to take the piss.

I looked after their ds from 12-6 today (inset day), took the kids to the farm. She handed me an envelope, said that there was change included for snacks, farm entry etc and rushed off. I was surprised to find £50 inside! £40 notes and £10 change. This works out to more than £6 per hour!

I was going to tell them that it was too much, but my friend reckons I should just keep it, and at most, hand over any change from the £10 for expenses (but spent about £10 on expenses anyway).

AIBU to keep the cash? I just feel that because we're friends, I shouldn't take it. On top of it all, the other childminder came and picked him up 20 mins early!

OP posts:
Original poster
whethergirl · 21/05/2011 14:09

nannynick - just to be clear, I am disputing the amount my friend gave me because I felt it was TOO MUCH! I have been more than happy on many occasions to take their ds out with us, but understandbly they don't feel they can keep asking me...especially as they are working and earning money in the meantime.

OP posts:
BabyYoureAFirework · 21/05/2011 14:11

I'm not mistaking you for someone else. I used to be someone else.

I just think you cherry pick the responses you like, and then compain about the rest. Sorry, although I know you're entitled to your opinion, you also know that by posting in AIBU you will get people that pick you to pieces.

nannynick · 21/05/2011 14:13

whethergirl - I feel they gave you too much as it was a lot more than the expenses incurred.

You are happy to take their DS out... they are happy for you to do so. I suggest they keep covering expenses and repay you the favour by taking care of your child/children on occasion, or inviting you all over for a BBQ etc.

Original poster
whethergirl · 21/05/2011 14:20

Well I don't know what thread or threads you are referring to Baby, but no point making a point like that if you're not going to be specific.

I am well aware of the consequences of posting on AIBU, but I am getting responses on a different question to the one I posted. Actually I was willing to take on board what some people are saying, but I'm not really into a whole mob of people all wagging their fingers at me. I'm not a fucking idiot.

grumpypants - please don't make assumptions about me, you have no idea what I do in my life.

OP posts:
grumpypants · 21/05/2011 14:21

Yeah, that's why I used if

BabyYoureAFirework · 21/05/2011 14:22

Whatevs.

lesley33 · 21/05/2011 14:26

If I was your friend I would want to pay the going rate. I know you don't intend this, but if I was paying you less than the going rate I would feel like I had less power.

For example,that I couldn't complain about things that were smaller issues as you were doing me a favour by charging me less. By paying the full amount I would feel I could raise any issues with you as I am paying the going rate for the service.

So keep the money being offered - you have made it clear you will take less, your friend has made it clear that she will pay the going rate.

diddl · 21/05/2011 14:28

What a shame that you´re not related, OP-then you´d be exempt!

DoMeDon · 21/05/2011 14:29

YABU to just keep the cash - to keep it for future excursions is a good idea though.

I would make sure they are aware that paying you is illegal (ridiculous!) and just let them give you expenses Wink money.

SockShitter · 21/05/2011 14:29

WHether girl don't let AIBU get in your private life. If you need the money and your friend needs a cm I think you are on to a winner. If you are so skint you can barely afford bus fare I don't think you would be expected to pay a fortune in tax (or any) out of your wage from your friend anyway. SO I don't know why everyone is so worried about you paying your fair share!

SockShitter · 21/05/2011 14:31

OH and as for yor original question- I would keep the money!

lesley33 · 21/05/2011 14:34

When I posted I ignored the issue about you not being registered. TBH it is unlikely that you would owe tax - or very little. But it would be worth becoming registered and to declare the income to avoid any future hassle. It is very easy to check if someone is registered,so if you fall out with someone or they just don't like you, reporting you as unregistered would be a very easy way to get back at you.

Ofsted know that there are childminders working unregistered. They are usually happy to help people through the process of registration. If you are worried that you may be refused registration, why not contact them and say you are thinking of becoming a CM and asking them what requirements you would have to meet.

AdelaofBlois · 21/05/2011 14:48

You are breaking the law if you take money. So if you want payment, it'll have to be them buying stuff for you, which ain't too equal a basis for a friendship. YANBU to think the way this is worded is daft law and not really getting to the heart of the problem with the original act.

YANBU to feel that if you want to charge mates rates it isn't very matey to force a higher payment on you. Given the pitfalls, far from just taking the cash, YABU to agree to this continuing for any form of payment until they show some sign of treating you as either an equal or an employee, not a charity case where the power is on their side. Run a mile, it will be horrible if anything they disagree with happens to their DC.

MrsPlesWearsAFez · 21/05/2011 15:04

YABU to take the "going rate" for a childminder as you are not one.

Covering expenses is fair play however. You shouldn't be out of pocket for babysitting iyswim?

Would you consider registering as a CM? You can set your own hours, choose what age kids to work with etc. If you're havin financial issues and are doing something along these lines already it could be a beneficial move (if you're open to the idea obv).

Tulls · 21/05/2011 18:56

Oh for christs sakes, she is helping out a friend and her friend is paying her. The child is better looked after by someone he has known all his life. Come on girls loosen up.

AdelaofBlois · 21/05/2011 19:15

Problem is, she thinks she's helping out a friend. Her friend might think she's acting as a paid childminder. That clash might be why her friend wants to pay full whack.

Legalities aside, this is not a good position to be in when taking care of someone else's child-it's hard enough without the two sides seeing the relationship differently.

fairydoll · 21/05/2011 19:19

Wether -I am here to tell you that up and down the country thousands and thousands of people are being paid for looking after their friends kids and it works for them.I am not saying it's right wrong or indifferent ,just saying.

FabbyChic · 21/05/2011 19:22

Well I paid my best friend to look after my children from when they were in Reception class to when they went to secondary school, she had them holidays and after school and often took them to school.

I would be careful about who you tell if you are on benefits and someone shops you you can be prosecuted.

TheOriginalFAB · 21/05/2011 19:27

Bottom line is what you are doing is illegal and someone on here posting things you don't want to hear is the least of your problems. You can do this, you just have to do it legally.

bidibidi · 21/05/2011 19:29

I am getting responses on a different question to the one I posted.

And that always happens on AIBU....! :)

OP: I would not charge my friends. If they are bothered, they could buy you wine or chocolates or swap favours. Probably that's illegal, too, by the way, but not as overtly so.

You're not even the first to get caught out. Anyone remember the news story about the two police officers who worked opposite shifts & minded each other's children during shifts (each in own home)? No payment changed hands, but they were told they were breaking the law, too. It would have been legal if they were close relatives, though Confused.

I employed an unregistered but brilliant CM; all that time she was in the process of getting registered, which took frigging 18 months; she filed all her forms quickly & the way she was supposed to, the bureaucrats just sat on said forms for months and months at each step of the process. Angry

bidibidi · 21/05/2011 19:31

oops, now I see the same story linked to above.

MilaMae · 21/05/2011 19:33

I'm a childminder but think this rule is completely stupid.

It's far better for children to be looked after by people they know.For school age children it's no different than a play date.This silly rule that children must be cared for by a childminder infers we're all far too dim to take responsibility over who cares for our children and friends simply aren't up to the job.It also means many children end up being cared for by people they don't know and by people who may not even be as good as a family friend in regards of quality of care.

Registering as a childminder is a major pita.I registered to help a friend,I'm outstanding(but would have been what ever registered or not).Registering involves masses of pretty pointless paperwork which takes over your life.I will give up eventually due to said paperwork which is a shame and means any friends of mine will have to look elsewhere for childcare instead of somebody good and reliable who knows their children-bonkers.

bidibidi · 21/05/2011 19:36

Oooh! Well said MilaM. I know a CM who employs another CM, just to get 3 child-free hours each week to do the paperwork. That's absurd, no?!

For me it came down to gut impressions: I have met registered CMs I wouldn't let look after a goldfish, whilst I'd trust the unreg. CM I had with any of DC, any time.

RitaMorgan · 21/05/2011 19:42

If you look after the child in their own home then you don't have to register or do any paperwork.

MilaMae · 21/05/2011 19:45

But who wants to drag their kids and sit in somebody else's home just before tea time?

Swipe left for the next trending thread