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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

returning from maternity leave onto sick leave

76 replies

undecidedreworking · 20/05/2011 18:38

I've got depression/PTSD resulting from a nightmare birth that resulted in permanent physical harm. I can't really face returning to work. I can't decide whether I should return onto sick leave though as I could get a doctor's note for PTSD as am having counselling for this.

AIBU to return onto sick leave even though I'll probably never go back??

OP posts:
samc007 · 20/05/2011 19:25

I mean I regret just quitting and not seeking their advice first, I would still be unable to return to my job.

Original poster
undecidedreworking · 20/05/2011 19:29

The company doesn't have a HR dept (too small) but I'll email my manager.

I'm not the sort of person to take sick leave usually which is why I was just going to resign but am sure others in my situation probably do go on sick leave first.

I had no idea when I was pregnnat the negative associations I'd have with so many places if anything when wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
undecidedreworking · 20/05/2011 19:33

why does no one tell you what a nightmare childbirth can be? NCT made it sound almost pleasant. if i'd had known I'd have taken time off to enjoy and say good bye to my old life before giving birth.

OP posts:
23balloons · 20/05/2011 19:33

If you really hate the job and won't stay long term I wouldn't go on sick leave - this will follow you around in the future and may affect your chances of a new job later on. Every job I have had involved a detailed medical questionnaire & often forms ask about sick leave as do references. If you go on sick leave & don't return remember it will be these employers who have to give you a refernce in the future.

Good luck with whatever you decide & hope you recover & find a much better job when you are better.

samc007 · 20/05/2011 19:36

Im not the type to take sick leave either and just went with my run away and hide feeling. My previous employer was a relatively small company but had a lot of employees and now I'm a bit more level headed I know they would have been supportive but at the time I was worried they'd hate me, sack me etc. I hope your manager is sympathetic and supportive.

I know what you mean about negative associations. Is your talking therapy helping?

Original poster
undecidedreworking · 20/05/2011 19:37

Realistically I don't think I would be able to get another comparable job anyway.

I'd only want part time and don't think I'd be able to get it. I will have to retrain as something else I think.

I have friends who used to be colleagues that I think I could use as references.

OP posts:
2posh · 20/05/2011 19:45

Have a big hug from me. You sound very unhappy and sick leave would be perfectly justifiable in those circumstances. Just consider one thing though - do you think there is any way that going back and having order in your life again might actually help you to feel better? What about going back for a month and then, if you are not coping, take sick leave? Of course,you might not feel able to even work for a day, let alone a month, in which case you should take the sick leave straight away.

It WILL get better with time. I am glad you can identify the source of your unhappiness because that means you will be able to tackle it. But it also sounds like perhaps it is not just the actual birth that is a problem when you talk about "saying goodbye" to your "old life".... How are you coping with the baby? Have you established some other Mummy friends that you see regularly?

I wish you all the best. I know it can seem overwhelming when you have a new baby and the pressure of work decisions too. Good luck.

Trifle · 20/05/2011 19:55

My god and this is why I dont employ anyone. Mat leave followed by unending sick leave, all at the expense of the employer. The birth was 10 months ago, surely you should have had some help in place by now to deal with it. It seems that you have no intention of returning to work so would string out the sick leave as long as you could get away with it. Regardless of what you are 'entitled' to, you should resign. It's outrageous that people think that it's ok to claim as much as you can as it's a big organisation who can 'cope' with it.

Original poster
undecidedreworking · 20/05/2011 19:58

Trifle - well, tbh I was considering resigning but a lot of posts are supportive of sick leave. I am sick. Up and down the country there are loads of people on sick leave who haven't been through anything like what I've been through.

OP posts:
samc007 · 20/05/2011 20:02

Trifle I take it you are an expert in pnd and PTSD then?? I was diagnosed 7 months after giving birth and at 16 months after birth would be unable to do my job.the op isn't stringing sick leave out. And she is entitled to it, would you have the same view if she had been in a car accident and lost her legs??mental health issues are as debilitating as physical injuries.

Trifle · 20/05/2011 20:02

But it doesnt make it right does it. How can you extort money from then knowing full well you are not returning. You also say they are a small company, can they really afford to cough up two salaries and more to the point should they be forced to do so.

FabbyChic · 20/05/2011 20:03

You get paid 26 weeks sick leave, then have to claim direct from the Social.

After that time they could pension you off.

Trifle · 20/05/2011 20:03

Lost her legs in a car accident v giving birth. What a bizarre comparison.

tiredgranny · 20/05/2011 20:04

trifle

have u never had day of sick in your working life and heaven forbid maternity leave

samc007 · 20/05/2011 20:05

She doesn't know full well she isn't returning if you've read the thread you will know that. I used the car accident as a comparison for physical injuries with mental health issues not a comparison with giving birth.

Original poster
undecidedreworking · 20/05/2011 20:08

It was worse than just giving birth. I am a victim of very avoidable medical neligence.

OP posts:
samc007 · 20/05/2011 20:09

The op saying she will probably never go back is how she feels today, she may feel very differently after having counselling and/or medication. And she's not extorting money from her company by taking sick leave. She has already stated she is going to speak with her manager to see what support etc is available. Your attitude trifle is quite frankly disgusting, do you realise how damaging your comments could be to someone with pnd??

samc007 · 20/05/2011 20:10

Op I'm so Angry with trifle on your behalf. Ignore her/him you have done nothing wrong.

psychovillemum31 · 20/05/2011 20:15

Could you take a career break (unpaid) until your child goes to school/nursery. I really feel for you as I too suffered from PTSD from a tramatic birth. Mine was 19 months ago and still feels like yesterday. Although things are better now. It's not something that seems to be discussed much or understood.

Original poster
undecidedreworking · 20/05/2011 20:17

psycho- It's a small firm and I'm not sure I could get them to commit to having me back in say 4 yrs (in fact I'm sure #i couldn't).

OP posts:
psychovillemum31 · 20/05/2011 20:19

Trifle is lucky not to have suffered from PTSD or had a traumatic injury.

psychovillemum31 · 20/05/2011 20:22

Do you have to pay back the maternity money if you resign?

Original poster
undecidedreworking · 20/05/2011 20:25

I don't have to pay back maternity money if I resign

OP posts:
Original poster
undecidedreworking · 20/05/2011 20:27

Fabbychic - could I really get pensioned off? I'm 28.

OP posts:
ceebeegeebies · 20/05/2011 20:36

If someone had lost their legs, the company would not continue to pay them indefinitely - they would eventually terminate their employment as that person is unfit to do their job.

I have to say that, whilst I am totally sympathetic with the OP's situation and can only imagine how she must feel, a couple of her posts do seem to have been along the vein of how long she could stay at home on full pay Hmm

Any company is not going to have someone on long-term sick, for whatever reasons, indefinitely and, in particular small companies are likely to terminate employment sooner rather than later and that could lead to tricky questions at a later date when applying for other roles.

I do agree with Trifle that if you have no intention of returning to your role, it is slightly dishonest...just because other people string out sickness etc etc, doesn't make it right does it?