Worried about swinging neighbours kids

[taylor74]

My next door neighbours who I have know for 2 yrs are swingers.It does not bother me what they do,its their life,what concerns me as a parent is the fact they have 2 kids a 9 and a 11 yr old. The other night she popped round to see if I could look after them as she had "friends" over. I said no as my DD was at her nans so me and DH was going to have a meal out.
The next day I asked if she found a sitter,she said no,I said well you can always rearrange another night to play,she said "Oh I played,just put the kids upstairs while I entertained" I was in shock,these men are strangers that come to her home,they could be anyone. I know we all need time out and a sex life but she was putting her needs before her kids.
AIBU

It's "relevant" because there appear to be claims of children being damaged by seeing a parent "in flagrante" - and yet mn seem to think there's less change being caught bent over the end of the bed by "daddy" than by a stranger. Completely illogical to me.

Personally swinging's not for me, but I'm not a big fat hypocrite clutching my pearls and weeping "won't somebody think of the children?".

Actually Alpine, I have never once been drunk infront of my child so that point isnt really relevant to be.

I also wouldnt have sex infront of my child, with anyone as it happens.

But those things really arent the point here, the point is they had children in the house while they had group sex with strangers. Those children will lose all respect for their parents if they see that going on, no child wants to think of theri parents behaving that way.

Yes, they might "understand" when they are older but the damage will have been done.
It displays a selfish and irresponsible attitude. And yes im being judgey

Jenai - well I find drunks, alcoholics (yes, that includes people who drink every day) to be setting a bad moral example, never mind all the rest of it.

Your choice if you wish to present yourself as a drunk towards your children.

That's been covered in the replies - knickers are not in a knot here Don't think mum & dad having sex with other partners is appropriate when there is slightest risk DC could walk in. jenai gets it spot on.

I would suggest that if any of you actually 100% genuinely care, then you PM OP, ask for the neighbour's address and then you can contact social services directly.

FWIW I don't get drunk around DC either alpine

"in flagrante" with someone else, that'd be then? Yeah fine, great way to introduce your children to adult relationships.

We're chatting about what we think is unreasonable on a chat site - sounds like you're peddling your own ishoos

Um, so Gwen, you're saying it's OK if your children catch you having sex with your partner? Wow! I guess I'm not very liberated then. :(

I don't drink and I don't have sex in front of children. :(

I've never even been to Gregg's.

I am tempted to try a fruit shoot though.

DoMeDon

It's not illogical - just the same as you introduce the idea of sex gradually to children so too do you introduce alternative lifestyles.

It's one thing telling your children that some adults practise multiple sexual partners and another to know your parents do it. And then accidentally wander into the living room while it's going on.

Children see things very much in black and white (it's a coping mechanism) until they are later teenagers. So it is much more disconcerting (damaging) to think/see your mum/dad doing it with two people at once or someone who is not normally there.

Also we live in a very judgemental and sexually repressed society so it is not suitable to introduce children to the concept of swinging as they would tell people and may be bullied/ostracised for it.

OP YANBU.

What I'm surprised no one has mentioned is the risk of child abuse. If there are lots of people all ... swinging... surely there is a greater risk of someone having a poke around upstairs whilst Mum and Dad are otherwise engaged.

"If a dc walks in on his parents having sex that's easily explained. But how do you explain why Mum's being taken from behind by a strange man or Dad's going down on Trace down the road (the one with the vertical blinds)?"

snort.

Sorry... OP... you don't know that they were swinging. It may have been an ordinary dinner party, with coffee afterwards rather than any added extras.

Oh FFS debka then you could say that about any visitor to the house!

Oh, give over, debka!

There is no more risk of child abuse from swingers than from any other visitors. That's just offensive.

Didn't mean to offend, sorry. My family works in fostering and child protection so perhaps I have a higher sensitivity than normal to that sort of thing.

Sorry I never stated she came round about 7ish asking me to babysit.
I only what she tells me about swinging as I have never done it,gone are the days when you put your car keys in a fruit bowl lol.

And I am not against swingers as stated before,if it works for them then thats ok. And she told me the next day it was "meet" that was coming round from a swingers site when I asked if she had got a sitter.

There is no more risk of child abuse from swingers than from any other visitors.

There's an indication that the OP's neighbour doesn't know these people too well. I know, I know, I know that most children who are abused are so at the hands of people they know, but it still doesn't sit right with me.

YANBU

Some kids are brought up in extremely sexualised environments even without the swinger element.
My old nympho flatmate and her bloke are at it hammer and tong all over the house on an hourly basis. Her poor son sits at the end of the garden with his headphones on just praying for the squelchy grunting to stop. They have a lot of porn all over the place too and they seem incapable of talking about anything other than shagging.
They clearly aren't doing anything legally wrong but it is a lousy way to treat a very sweet 8 year old kid because it makes him very very unhappy.

Lubberlich

I would report your mate to social services, it is sexual abuse to leave pornography around where a child might see it and neglect to be snagging all over the house so your child has to stay outside.

JEEEEEEEEEZ judge judge judge. Maybe the kids will grow up learning to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life?without fear of repression. i know mumnetters don't usually encourage people to enjoy sex and prefer to judge anyone with a libido as being evil perverts, but seriously as long as the kids are not being made to watch or join in there is no harm done.Humans have been having sex for a 1000 generations, most of the time with little choice but to do it in the same room.
Its just sex people!

Yabu!

It's nothing to do with you...they're her kids and it's her call. End of.

Im with Pictish, don't babysit if you are not available, but there is no reason this is any more dangerous than any other lifestyle.

Loki it's not "just" sex imo.

Thinking it's wrong to have group sex and/or partner swap with your children (children who are plenty old enough to wonder wtf is going on) asleep upstairs isn't an indicator of a poor libido.