to want to go out in the school holidays with adult friends and their kids and have fun...............

[devientenigma]

but can't due to all my friends dropping me one by one, due to my son's disability and how challenging, unmanageable and embarrasing he can be!!

Yep, same happened to me. It can feel very isolating. I did get used to mostly mixing with other autie families, plus a very few good friends who stuck with us and didn't judge. But the loss of that easy, spontaneous 'normal family' (whatever that is!) life was very hard to start with.
How old is your ds? what's he like?
You might find it worth posting in sn too