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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that he's just not that into me?

74 replies

L8rAllig8r · 19/05/2011 17:09

Met a guy on an online dating site. Seemed to be getting on really well, lots of messages back and forth. We swapped numbers. We then exchanged lots of texts. He asked me if I would go for a drink with him, I said yes but would need a couple of days notice to arrange a sitter for DS. He said he would let me know.

Texts have continued for a week since then, no mention of the drink/what days he was free, just general chit chat. So today he says he's staying in to watch a film tonight, and I mentioned I hadn't seen that particular film, and he says 'it's a shame we haven't met yet, I could have brought it round', so I say well you were going to tell me what day was good but you never did, so... , thinking he would say he'd been really busy with work or whatever, which I would have been fine with. But then he replied to say 'oh shit yeah, I forgot! One day next week?'

How can he have forgotten?! We've been texting every day! Surely if you are keen on a girl, you don't forget to make a date?! I just texted back saying 'that memorable, huh? Wow.'

AIBU to think he's a bit of a flake who's not that interested, or should I give him the benefit of the doubt that he's just genuinely a bit useless at dating and agree a date?

OP posts:

TheOriginalFAB · 19/05/2011 17:12

Depends whether you want to give him a chance or not.

I talked on the phone for ages with a guy I had been writing too. We met and started seeing each other. One day I just saw something that bugged me about him but I decided I wouldn't care what anyone else thought (as I think it was more about that) and decided I would just see what happened.

We have been married for nearly 12 years now, together for over 15 and very happy.

What did he say to your memorable text? TBH I would be surprised if you got a reply.

DoMeDon · 19/05/2011 17:14

that is a siren going off BTW.

Would ring bells for me - hate all this faux text/online stuff. Makes no sense to me. If they aren't arsed to meet straight away then 'bye bye'. Sorry.

NettoSuperstar · 19/05/2011 17:16

Loser, don't bother with him.

Original poster

L8rAllig8r · 19/05/2011 17:16

He replied with 'Sorry, it's been a rubbish week. Although I wasn't originally free tonight or I would have mentioned it before'.

Maybe I've been too harsh :-/ That's a lovely story about your DH, FAB. I think maybe I'm just too sceptical about this online dating thing.

OP posts:

aldiwhore · 19/05/2011 17:17

Maybe he did forget seeing as you've been in touch every day... it took me 7 years to meet up with an online buddy. Granted, it wasn't romance, but still.

The time to worry is when you've met and THEN he forgets to get in touch.

Some lovely men are useless and actually arranging things, my husband is one such person.

hellodave · 19/05/2011 17:18

sorry for this im not saying i agree with him even a little but maybe you should re-read this part of your post

"I said yes but would need a couple of days notice to arrange a sitter for DS. He said he would let me know."

was that the first real mention of DS or was he already aware of DS???

overmydeadbody · 19/05/2011 17:18

Maybe he is shy?

MAybe he is short/fat/ugly/ all three and knows that once you meet up you will cease all contact so he is prolonging his fantasies as long as he can by just texting and emailing etc.

Maybe he's texting lots of women and forgets what he says to which one?

If it was just that he wasn't that into you he wouldn't bother texting.

Original poster

L8rAllig8r · 19/05/2011 17:22

No I've been totally upfront about DS, I said on my dating profile I've got a son and I've told him lots about him in my messages. So I don't think it was that. Arrgh. On the one hand I want to give him the benefit of the doubt as have not dated for 2 years and he's the first guy I've spoken to that I've really liked. But OTOH, I don't want to waste my time with another idiot like DS's dad

OP posts:

NettoSuperstar · 19/05/2011 17:23

I dunno.
My friend has been net dating, has met all kinds of losers and is now seeing someone, who is a loser!

She just won't see it though.

She served him cheese and biscuits in (her) bed on Saturday night and thought that fine and sweet, even though what she really wanted to do was go out with him, then come home and have a shag!

Apparently, liking to eat in bed watching TV is nice, and OK, as he's not trying to rip her clothes off and that means he respects her

Any guy in the 'impressing' stage, will not forget.

Original poster

L8rAllig8r · 19/05/2011 17:34

Ooh, crackers in bed! Yum. Not on a date though. He does sound odd!

Why is it so hard to meet someone normal?!

OP posts:

beesimo · 19/05/2011 17:46

Stop looking on the computer for a man they are either big fat fibbers or slightly shop soiled. Suggest you look for a man where men are.

If you haven't got a dog borrow one and go dog walking NB I am not suggesting dogging no no no.But you will soon get chatting with someone

Look round your immediate area and if you see one you like the look of knock on his door and ask him to do something manly for you, no not that I mean changing a light bulb that is too high for you to reach or moving furniture, all men like doing things like that for a woman fact.Then offer coffee and a ginger biscuit.

If you are really desperate stand by your car with the bonnet up jump up and down waving a pair of your bloomers as a flag!

Good Luck OP

CareyFakes · 19/05/2011 17:48

Hmmm I'd be questioning it. I met a man online, we met up 3 days later for coffee, and have been in constant contact since both physically (OI OI) and through text/email/phone. I would be put out tbh, and I'd probably just look elsewhere.

NettoSuperstar · 19/05/2011 17:50

I met my ex online, but on a forum.
Not here obv but similar set up as in threads and opinions etc.
We got on well, started pming, and after a while (a year and a half!) invited him here to watch the GP as we are both huge fans.
We were still just friends at this point, no suggestion of more than that at all.

We still got on well and the one night stay on my couch (which it was that first night) turned into a week long stay in my bed

We couldn't make the relationship work, but we are still friends. It's been 6 years since we first spoke, and 5 since we met and I had lunch with him last Friday!

CurrySpice · 19/05/2011 18:00

I think you are over analysing! At least meet him before you ding him!!

TwoJackRussellsandabean · 19/05/2011 18:19

I met my DH on a dating site, so know that it work's, but I would point out that most people are talking to several people at once and then if they click with one person they tend to stop talking to the others. I know cos I would be getting on great with one person and then they would drop off the planet.

Maybe he got distracted with someone else? Am sure that there are loads of other guys on the site, just get talking to some other's and if he's keen he'll pursue you and if not, well, you'll be busy with other people!

jenga079 · 19/05/2011 18:20

You should meet him.
Presumably you're paying for this dating site?
My rule when I was on them was that I would accept any most dates offered so that I could 'get my money's worth'. I know, I know, it sounds awful... but one bloke I was really unsure about from his messages (seemed flaky!) turned out to be the sweetest, nicest, funniest man I have ever had the pleasure to meet. Two years later we're engaged, expecting our first LO, and incredibly happy. 'You have to be in it to win it'

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 19/05/2011 18:29

"it's a shame we haven't met yet, I could have brought it round"

Quite apart from the unacceptable risk you'd be taking in letting a stranger into your home, if his idea of a first date is to turn up at yours with a DVD I'd throw him back and cast the net again.

This one isn't a keeper.

beesimo · 19/05/2011 18:32

Agree with Izzy don't settle for 'crumbs' when you deserve a 'whole cake'

sausagesandmarmelade · 19/05/2011 18:37

without reading all the other posts..I would definitely say he's not interested in a serious relationship...just to get into your pants.

I'd cut out the chit chat.......

NettoSuperstar · 19/05/2011 18:37

I agree, he is crumbs!

Get yersel a cake, and a reet good chocolate fudge cake, not a cheap shop bought sponge.

northernrock · 19/05/2011 18:40

Agree that you HAVE to meet them, and preferably asap. I just won't dick about with the texting nonsense.

It is such a weird thing nowadays-it seems to be totally normal and acceptable to be really intimate and friendly by text or email with people you don't actually know at all.

There is no way you can even really tell if you like this guy until you have met him.

If you meet him, like him, and he still pulls this crap it means that he is not interested in pursuing a serious romantic thing with you.
If you are into someone you don't forget you have a date with them.

sloggies · 19/05/2011 18:42

Maybe give him a chance, but be careful. Don't have him straight round for a first meeting. Look after yourself, and you'll be fine, whether it works out or not. Good luck!

mayorquimby · 19/05/2011 18:45

I love the way forgetting to follow up on a fairly non-commital text makes you a loser etc. on here.

sausagesandmarmelade · 19/05/2011 18:45

I also met my DH online...and have never looked back.

I also know at least 2 other couples who met their husbands online...and who are perfect for each other.

But this ones not for you....the signs are not good!

slightlyunbalanced · 19/05/2011 18:45

He obviously had a date lined up for tonight who has cancelled, hence him being free. I wouldn't bother tbh

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