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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that he's just not that into me?

74 replies

L8rAllig8r · 19/05/2011 17:09

Met a guy on an online dating site. Seemed to be getting on really well, lots of messages back and forth. We swapped numbers. We then exchanged lots of texts. He asked me if I would go for a drink with him, I said yes but would need a couple of days notice to arrange a sitter for DS. He said he would let me know.

Texts have continued for a week since then, no mention of the drink/what days he was free, just general chit chat. So today he says he's staying in to watch a film tonight, and I mentioned I hadn't seen that particular film, and he says 'it's a shame we haven't met yet, I could have brought it round', so I say well you were going to tell me what day was good but you never did, so... , thinking he would say he'd been really busy with work or whatever, which I would have been fine with. But then he replied to say 'oh shit yeah, I forgot! One day next week?'

How can he have forgotten?! We've been texting every day! Surely if you are keen on a girl, you don't forget to make a date?! I just texted back saying 'that memorable, huh? Wow.'

AIBU to think he's a bit of a flake who's not that interested, or should I give him the benefit of the doubt that he's just genuinely a bit useless at dating and agree a date?

OP posts:

CurrySpice · 19/05/2011 21:55

Erm...bessimo..maybe...just a bloody bit!!

Knock on a "fella's" (note the Jackie c 1978 lingo) door and ask him to help you with DIY?!?

Quite apart from the safety issues, you are aware that women have been happily doing DIY for themselves for quite a few years now aren't you? :o

beesimo · 19/05/2011 22:11

CurrySpice

Oh stop making fun of me, obviously a gel would need assistance putting a plug on her curling tongs. I wonder if you think Farrah Fawcett wasn't a good role model either!!!

I also suspect you may be one of those 'funny women' C and J warned us about you don't drink cider and wear Doc Martins do you?

CurrySpice · 19/05/2011 22:14

Nope, I have fake nails and a low cut top.

But I have learnt from Jacky, oh yes. Never wear horizontal stripes and always accessorise with a scarf at the neck

beesimo · 19/05/2011 22:18

See CurrySpice the power of Jackie it never leaves you does it!

CurrySpice · 19/05/2011 22:19

It doesn't! I mostly channel Cathy and Claire when giving advice here and I can see those little cartoon drawings right now!! Happy days

CurrySpice · 19/05/2011 22:20

PS I can wire a plug with my fake nails and a pair of bacon scissors :o

GollyHolightly · 19/05/2011 22:24

It was cathy and claire, not claire and jane.

Just so's you know

beesimo · 19/05/2011 22:27

No I won't.

I shall be cook and cleaning all day as a homemakers work is never done, before changing in to a nice dress to welcome my DH home from a long day at the Cattle Market. I shall have a cheerful pleasant smile on my face and laugh in a tinkling fashion when he makes a amusing remark!

Must go DH is insisting on 23 mins precisely of 'married love' before lights out

CurrySpice · 19/05/2011 22:35

I already said that Golly, but my manners have been honed in a 1950s finishing school so I chose not to point out Beesimo's faux pas.

Not that she cares. She is up to beastliness with her DH

porcamiseria · 19/05/2011 22:37

trim him, and look for the next, he is stressing you already and not even been on a date

NEXT!

nijinsky · 19/05/2011 23:59

It would be my guess that he didn't fully realise what having children entails til you said you needed to book a babysitter.

So now, he isn't that bothered to arrange a proper date but would still be up for a ONS if he thinks he can get one (he's probably also chatting to other women online anyway). I find his suggestion of bringing round a film to yours when you have never met him quite rude and a bit creepy really. That alone would be enough to put me off him - any decent man would never have suggested this.

heleninahandcart · 20/05/2011 00:33

Maybe just flaky plus he has no clue about the necessity of babysitters etc. Go and enjoy yourself, and remember to let us know how you get on

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 20/05/2011 00:59

You've been around the block a few times, you're old enough to know what you want, and you know that you can be your own worst enemy when it comes to picking 'em.

Look back over your past mistakes and vow not to fall into the same trap again.

Hope you'll come back with an update after you've inspected this one - and please realise that it is exacly what it's about; you're looking for someone who'll pass muster from the off, not a loser that you've got to try and patch together to make the man of your dreams.

Good luck!

sausagesandmarmelade · 20/05/2011 09:16

posters saying they met DH online and have never looked back - this is not what the OP is asking

No...but it's a good response to the person who said that there was something wrong with most people online...and shows her that if she passes this one up there is every chance that she could go on to meet the right person for her.

OTheHugeManatee · 20/05/2011 09:36

Did you meet up with him yet, OP?

PumpkinSnatch · 20/05/2011 09:43

Sounds like he might have thought you were putting him off and wanted to wait for you to ask again so he didn't look desperate. Either that or he was having so much fun chatting he genuinely forgot. I think he must like you or he'd just stop texting.

Original poster

L8rAllig8r · 24/05/2011 22:45

The date was tonight. It was fucking awful. He was odd to say the least and I spent much of the evening with this exact look on my face at some of his odd comments. Disaster. Total and utter disaster! I really wish I hadn't signed up for a 3 month subscription to the dating site. Still got another 30 odd quid to pay them next month but if this is the best they can come up with.... Ick.

OP posts:

heleninahandcart · 24/05/2011 22:52

Ok don't give him another thought. You just move on to the next! You never know...

sloggies · 25/05/2011 19:11

Well, now you know...And if you haven't had met him, you might always have wondered. You can move on now!

CurrySpice · 25/05/2011 19:57

Oh no! :(

Well at least you know!

Next!

samantha001 · 25/05/2011 21:02

Sorry but he is just not that into you but don't take it personally, he has never met you, text & emails could be from anyone. If he really wanted a date he would have made one. There are so many men (& women) on internet dating sites that just like the email, text chat etc but are not going to make dates, they are probably talking to several people at the same time & that is what makes them tick.

Ask yourself, do you want to begin a friendship & possible relationship with someone who forgets about making a date with you. I hope that your answer is a big NO

This is not the man for you but there are alot of great men on dating sites too so keep going but dont email for long as you will build up an unrealistic picture of the guy you are talking to, you need to meet asap & see if there is chemistry otherwise you are wasting your time.

Good luck

WhoAteMySnickers · 25/05/2011 21:06

From what i know of on line dating, he is probably texting at least three other women and got you mixed up with one of them. Some other lucky (ahem) lady got your drink with him.

CurrySpice · 25/05/2011 21:12

Do read the end of the thread ladies!!

WhoAteMySnickers · 25/05/2011 21:22

Oops my bad. I get bored by halfway down page 2.

Ok for future, online dating, they are always mailing or texting at least three women at a time, so you should do the same, don't put all your eggs in one basket and all that.

If you've only paid up for another month or so, aim for at least one date per week, to get your money's worth.

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