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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you mind if your friend fancied your DH?

84 replies

MooMooFarm · 19/05/2011 09:55

Because I don't think I do mind - but someone has commented that it's a bit strange so now I'm wondering if I'm too easy going!

I have a friend, not my BF, who I see every month or so for a shopping trip and a coffee/gossip. She is single, about my age and has children from a previous marriage (she's been single for years and goes on loads of dates through the net).

Anyway, she has always gone on about how hunky and lovely my DH is, and how lucky I am, how we're the happiest couple she knows, etc. To me that is fair enough - he is lovely and treats me fantastically. So to me she is just seeing that - she has had lots of crap relationships so obviously sees the contrast in him. She jokingly says it in front of him, and it's been like that so long that we all joke about it. She doesn't flirt with him other than in a very silly Barbara Windsor way, and he usually just gets a bit embarrased and keeps out of the way - he's a blokes bloke, he doesn't do girly chat, so he keeps his head down when any of my friends are around.

But a family member recently witnessed this banter (which is what I see it as) and took me aside and said she wouldn't like it and she wouldn't trust her as she's single and clearly sees my H as a catch! I was so shocked she said it that I laughed, but it did make me wonder if I'm the unusual one not minding? I trust DH 100% and have no reason not to. I also trust my friends, but TBH, even if I didn't it wouldn't matterbecause I trust my DH.

So should I be wary of her? Would you be happy to be friends with someone like that?

OP posts:

DollyTwat · 19/05/2011 11:42

My friend is a stunner too so we all know that we could never compete!
They are to me a great example of a good relationship, they are relaxed and happy with each other and their dc. Noone would lust after him so openly if they were not a solid couple obv

TobyLerone · 19/05/2011 11:44

Heh, Reality

Your DH is a bit of alright too. You look lovely together :)

Original poster

MooMooFarm · 19/05/2011 11:44

Ooh also just had a peek at your BF toby and he is a cutie . Maybe we should start a super-smug thread (with pics) of 'how hot is my maaaaaaayn' .

OP posts:

TobyLerone · 19/05/2011 11:46

I'm just disappointed I can't see what all the fuss is about with yours, MooMoo! Meanie, keeping him all for yourself

Vicky2011 · 19/05/2011 11:46

As others have said, your instinct is worth 1000 thread responses. You trust your friend and your DH and see her comments as nothing other than playful joshing. If there is anything to think about it is probably whether or not your DH feels comfortable with the comments - if she is making him feel uncomfortable then that needs addressing but as to whether she is a threat to your relationship in the way that your relative is suggesting, I can't see it tbh.

DollyTwat · 19/05/2011 11:53

TobyLerone I've had a peek at yours too now, couldn't help myself
he is cute, I like the pic of him with a beard

I need to get one of those for me don't I

TobyLerone · 19/05/2011 11:56

Hahahaha. He loves it when people from 'the mummies group' (as he calls it) think he's cute

Get one, Dolly. I highly recommend it.

DandyLioness · 19/05/2011 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TobyLerone · 19/05/2011 12:03

It's actually a lovely, tiny little festival in Derbyshire called Y Not.

Now hush about my BF and badger the OP to show us her own hottie

cannydoit · 19/05/2011 12:13

jeez people like that really piss me off, trying to put their insecurities on to you whilst systematic single bashing. oh watch out for the single bird she will have your man like that. i always take it as a compliment when my friends fancy my man. one friend when drunk did take it a bit far once, but was absolutely mortified i really thought nothing of it(beside minor annoyance and embarrassment at the time) because at the end of the day if my man was going to cheat he would and there is bollocks all i can do about it.

DandyLioness · 19/05/2011 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cannydoit · 19/05/2011 12:18

hahahahahahahahahahaahhahhahaahaahha

beesimo · 19/05/2011 12:19

I was once in a situation similar to this which like you I just brushed off as I trust my DH implicity, until mokey things started happening things that make you go hmm if you know what I mean.

Back story when friend divorced we rented her a cottage 2 miles from our homestead

Friend starting worrying about prowlers my DH used to go down regular to check all was ok -at her tearful request and my insistents

Friend started telling my DH 'tales' as in I was a blah blah blah when I said I was shopping. Every time she caused a row it was 'oh I am so sorry it just slipped out'

Heard from one of our helpers she was telling people I wanted out of my marriage - crap although I used to say things like bloody H I could strangle him, just the sort of thing you say when chatting to a 'friend'

Try to find out from my SIL who owned what family farm/businesses wise

People were telling me to watch her as she was a snake for months but B just thought no she's my friend we were at school together it just a load of bullshit.

Until the day I set of to take the bairns to Whitby came back early because one was poorly and found her chasing my poor DH round the kitchen threatening suicide if he didn't bonk her! Luckily he was just telling her to 'fuck off you mad bitch' when I went in. She had been sexual harrasing him for months and he couldn't tell me as she was twisting everything.

I gave her one hour to get her stuff and get orf our land and when we got the cottage back we found a crackers diary all about what a bitch I was and I didn't deserve DH ect ect she seriously thought she was going to get rid of me and be the new Mrs Beesimo hah there is only ever gonna be ONE Beesimo

If it is a relative telling you something at least accept the possibility it could be true don't be a wilfully blind as I was!

TobyLerone · 19/05/2011 12:21

Whoa.

MamaLazarou · 19/05/2011 12:22

I would be totally cool about any of my friends fancying my husband. In fact, I know at least two of them definitely fancied him before we got together because they told me! I just assume loads of women fancy him - he is FIT.

WowOoo · 19/05/2011 12:23

I'd mind if she openly flirted with him and would tell her not to.

Saying that, I've a married friend and they ALWAYS flirt with dh. I've gone in small strops about it before (when they've both been tipsy and I am sober)but I trust them both 100%

LeQueen · 19/05/2011 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabbyChic · 19/05/2011 12:27

I had a husband everybody fancied, because by god he was an adonis, unfortunately he had the personality of an omeaba, none at all.

MamaLazarou · 19/05/2011 12:32

(Obviously it's NOT ok if the neighbour fancies him, and flashes her tits at him through her bedroom window (see my recent thread))

Original poster

MooMooFarm · 19/05/2011 12:35

Where's your recent thread Mama? Definitely sounds worth a read....

OP posts:

beesimo · 19/05/2011 12:38

What hurt me more than anything was the betrayal element, she was more than prepared to see my life smashed to smithereens for her to get what she wanted.

That what its about for me the intention/thought to betray wether they can get your man or not is in a sense irrelevant its the intention to betray that would be enough to turn my face from them.

MamaLazarou · 19/05/2011 12:41

That lady sounds very unwell, beesimo.

MamaLazarou · 19/05/2011 12:42

For MooMooFarm: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/1212220-To-put-a-note-through-my-neighbours-door-WWYD

chelstonmum · 19/05/2011 12:54

I have a friend just like her.... only this one is married!

Her husband is much older and not exactly a catch but as she say's she married him for his income and security !!!

She met my husband when I did and always commented on how nice etc he looks, how he is older than me (im around 30, he is 40, she is 34) and was i SURE???
We have been married now for 3yrs, together for 5 and in that time she has gotten drunk and embarrased herself several times.... pawing at him, saying in a drunken slur if we were alone i would be taking you to bed (both me and her DH were there!). This makes my DH so uncomfortable that we now avoid her tbh.

ilovedora27 · 19/05/2011 15:18

I dont think there is anything wrong with it tbh most of my friends at one time or another have said my husband is attractive. I like it cause it makes me proud that hes mine and I know he isnt going anywhere.

Same as he comes home and tells me how his friends have said Im attractive. I love it its not like I am planning to get off with them but its nice to know they all want me lol . Seriously dont worry about it

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