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Original poster

Would you mind if your friend fancied your DH?

84 replies

MooMooFarm · 19/05/2011 09:55

Because I don't think I do mind - but someone has commented that it's a bit strange so now I'm wondering if I'm too easy going!

I have a friend, not my BF, who I see every month or so for a shopping trip and a coffee/gossip. She is single, about my age and has children from a previous marriage (she's been single for years and goes on loads of dates through the net).

Anyway, she has always gone on about how hunky and lovely my DH is, and how lucky I am, how we're the happiest couple she knows, etc. To me that is fair enough - he is lovely and treats me fantastically. So to me she is just seeing that - she has had lots of crap relationships so obviously sees the contrast in him. She jokingly says it in front of him, and it's been like that so long that we all joke about it. She doesn't flirt with him other than in a very silly Barbara Windsor way, and he usually just gets a bit embarrased and keeps out of the way - he's a blokes bloke, he doesn't do girly chat, so he keeps his head down when any of my friends are around.

But a family member recently witnessed this banter (which is what I see it as) and took me aside and said she wouldn't like it and she wouldn't trust her as she's single and clearly sees my H as a catch! I was so shocked she said it that I laughed, but it did make me wonder if I'm the unusual one not minding? I trust DH 100% and have no reason not to. I also trust my friends, but TBH, even if I didn't it wouldn't matterbecause I trust my DH.

So should I be wary of her? Would you be happy to be friends with someone like that?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/05/2011 10:44

MooMooFarm... Sorry to set the cat amongst the pidgeons, but there's another reason why somebody might say this to you... to stir up a bit of trouble and maybe bring you down a bit.

I used to have a friend that did that (not anymore). She would suggest something and if I didn't 'bite', she'd needle again... then when I was upset, she'd go into 'caring mode' and being a lovely friend again. Hmm

I think perhaps my spidey senses need to go in for a service... take no notice... Blush

Original poster
MooMooFarm · 19/05/2011 10:44

Thanks Bogeyface - but why are you bogeyface? Grin

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 19/05/2011 10:46

Lying, my sister had a "friend" like that. She was very "needed to be needed" iykwim and did shit stir alot so she could be my sisters rescuer and "be there" for her.

SenoritaViva · 19/05/2011 10:48

I wouldn't worry MooMoo. Your friend is being open and honest, I think that if someone was really 'after your husband' they would be far more devious? Or it would be a less relaxed kind of teasing.

I think your family friend was over reacting and probably has his/her own trust issues.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/05/2011 10:51

That's it, Bogeyface!... It took me years to say 'enough'. Until then I never understood why I felt so crap in her company... Confused

25goingon95 · 19/05/2011 10:54

2 of my friends fancy my DH, and a couple of mums at school have told me he is gorgeous too. They all act wierd around him (embarassed i think) which makes me laugh really Grin

I don't mind really, am proud he is my DH :)

27tilly · 19/05/2011 10:55

I wouldn't care, He may look good but still acts like a twat half the time.

TrillianAstra · 19/05/2011 10:55

If it embarrasses him then she should stop.

TrillianAstra · 19/05/2011 10:57

Definitely a difference between saying that he is lovely/attractive and that you are lucky, and fancying him for herself.

Original poster
MooMooFarm · 19/05/2011 10:59

Ok well maybe I've used the wrong word then - because I don't think she 'fancies him for herself'. I take 'fancy' to mean thinking someone is a bit of alright. Maybe I've got the meaning of the word wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
MooMooFarm · 19/05/2011 11:00

Ie I 'fancy' loads of people in celeb land but aren't planning on running off with any of them Grin

OP posts:
Quenelle · 19/05/2011 11:03

I would only be concerned if it bothered DH.

The family member sounds like a jealous type. I'd ignore her.

CurrySpice · 19/05/2011 11:04

It gets right on my last one when people assume that single women are out to steal a man FFs! And it's usually from women too! I was told by a woman at the school gate that she would have to watch me around her husband when I separated! (the fact that I wouldn't touch him with rubber gloves on is beside the point! )

FreudianSlipper · 19/05/2011 11:05

yes its because single women especially single mothers are all out to get their friends husbands Hmm

ignore your relative, your friend obviously values your friendship and is happy for you both and would live the same for herself, with her own husband not yours

i have never fancied any of my friends partners/husbands, though coudl appreciate one who was extremely good looking and charming. my partners friends thats a different matter and always seem to get a crush on one of them Blush buts its nothing more than that

adoptiveaunty · 19/05/2011 11:08

When I first got together with my dh he would often come out with the girls and be the token "protective" bloke. He would oftn dance up close to any number of them to ward off unwanted attention from other guys (on their signal of course). As a result we were all quite close and he had no problems chatting, hugging, standing close to or dancing with any of them, especially my best mate who I met him through.

Anyway 1 night me and my best mate went out with our uni friends (different bunch to the ones above) and he came and met them for the first time. Half way through the night a girl comes over to me and tells me my best freind is coming on to my bloke. I look over and all they are doing is chatting. My respose was to laugh! It never occurred to me to be jealous as I trused and still do trust them both with all my heart.

Bf and dh have grown further apart over the years and prob would not be so tactile now but even if they were I would still be ok with it. It is and was innocent and i know that even if one of them would hurt me the other wouldnt. So in the end I would much rather a mate flirt with dh than a stranger as only 1 of the 2 conciences (sp?) Need to be in full working order for nothing to happen!

DollyTwat · 19/05/2011 11:09

Moomoo one of my best friend's dh is ls very hot, all the mums fancy him, but we all tell her. She's fine about it. He is completely oblivious to the fact he is hot and all the mums fancy him.

She trusts him and us. I've been single for ages but I would never make a move on a friends dh or dp even if they split up.

Take it as a massive compliment and ignore this person. Maybe they are not so secure in their marriage or friendships.

DandyLioness · 19/05/2011 11:12

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DandyLioness · 19/05/2011 11:13

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ginnny · 19/05/2011 11:17

Don't give it another thought.
Your friend would probably be mortified if she thought you were taking her seriously.
My best friend's DH is very flirty and we often tease each other and make fun of each other and I have envied their relationship at times (they met at 17, married at 20 have a beautiful house, gorgeous dc and 20 years on still adore each other) but I wouldn't want him for myself.

DollyTwat · 19/05/2011 11:17

I think a few of us have! Not me but another friend did!
My friend is lovely and takes it in the way it's meant.

Men would compliment their friend in the same way, what's the difference?

My friend thinks it's hilarious. I'm hoping she'll read this and back me up!

Morloth · 19/05/2011 11:21

What you describe sounds fine. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who was actually interested in my DH though. That would mean that she wasn't really my friend.

The Diet Coke comment is the sort of thing I say.

In fact a friend of mine sat outside and watched the boy's working when they were building a verandah for exactly the same reason.

Original poster
MooMooFarm · 19/05/2011 11:22

Well my gut feeling is still definitely as it was before - that I don't have a problem with her. What a few of you said about the person who said it's wrong having issues is definitely a point as she's not had good experiences herself with men.

If I'm out somewhere with friends and see hunky men with their shirts off I often make very sexist remarks about them Blush. Doesn't mean I want to jump them though - it's nice to look isn't it? Funnily enough there are some very nice looking chappies outside our office window today in the yard opposite. I do love the nice weather Grin

OP posts:
DandyLioness · 19/05/2011 11:27

This reply has been deleted

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TobyLerone · 19/05/2011 11:29

Nope, wouldn't mind at all. Everyone fancies my boyfriend because he is super pretty. It just makes me incredibly smug in the face Grin

Reality · 19/05/2011 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.