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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my friend's DD would be better off at her father's?

56 replies

LoopyLiz88 · 18/05/2011 18:46

My best friend loves her DD but has no patience. She feeds the kid mc donalds nearly every night, screams at her for wanting a cuddle, and told her DD that it was her fault that he and her OH split up. Her DD's therapist suggested that she stay with her dad for a month. It is working great for the little girl. My friend says she wouldn't mind it being permanant as long as she could still get her maitenance. Her DD will be 4 at the end of August. Right now she has her DD every wednesday and every other weekend. I told my friend that she should keep this schedule because her DD is doing sooooooo much better.

OP posts:
MoldovanHardHatporn · 18/05/2011 18:48

Sounds like the child is better off with the dad and if mum is happy with it then she will need to cough up maintenance as the absent parent. Why on earth would she think she's entitled to maintenance when shes not got the child?

Poor child.

saidthespiderwithahorridsmile · 18/05/2011 18:49

she would like her dd to live with her father but for maintenance still to be paid to her?

I would like a solid gold toilet brush.

It's not something you can really get involved in though, IMO - nobody would thank you for offering an opinion - and we can't really either on so little information.

chipmonkey · 18/05/2011 18:54

Maintenance for what? If her dd no longer lives with her, why should she expect maintenance? Poor little girl.Sad

Original poster
LoopyLiz88 · 18/05/2011 18:54

No idea why she thinks she'd still get maitenance. I did tell her pretty quickly that he ex would be insane to give her maitenance while he has their DD. I give her my opinions on it because she asks.

OP posts:
chelstonmum · 18/05/2011 19:20

So she expects to be paid maintenace to not have her child?!?

The poor child seems much better off with her DF and needs to be where is right. Surely social services or the court would make this permenant in the childs interests?

TheVisitor · 18/05/2011 19:22

Your best friend sounds like a rather unpleasant individual and it would be better for her child if contact was limited massively.

bittersweetvictory · 18/05/2011 19:28

She sounds like a money grabbing selfish, evil, pitiful excuse for a mother, of course the poor kid would be better off with her father, fuck sake if i had a freind that did that i would phone social services and dump them like a ton of bricks, still get maintenance Shock fuking greedy nut job.

Cocoflower · 18/05/2011 19:41

This thread makes me want to cry. Poor little girl.

pinkthechaffinch · 18/05/2011 19:54

How can you be friends with someone like that?

valiumlatte · 18/05/2011 19:56

Your choice of best friend says a lot about you. She sounds utterly revolting. There's a child suffering in the middle of this and frankly I can't see why SS are not involved. I'd bloody ring them if I were you and no mistake.

create · 18/05/2011 20:00

My first thought was that you must be the father and perhaps still close to your ex in a "best friends" way. If not, why on earth is this person your friend?

Bloodymary · 18/05/2011 20:01

She wants to be paid maintenance for NOT looking after her child Shock What fucking planet is she on?

FabbyChic · 18/05/2011 20:02

This person is your friend? Seriously? I'd want nothing to do with her, she sounds like a money grabber who will only have her daughter back for the money it brings in.

Snorbs · 18/05/2011 20:03

Why has this 4yo got a therapist?

Original poster
LoopyLiz88 · 18/05/2011 20:04

I've known her since we were children. I have called social services on her in the past though. I felt bad about doing it but she was letting her boyfriend at the time treat her DD like shit.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoopyLiz88 · 18/05/2011 20:06

Her DD has a therapist bc my friend was convinced she needed one. She doesn't!

OP posts:
Cocoflower · 18/05/2011 20:07

It must be really awful seeing a good, long time friend go downhill like this. Its good to see you are trying to help her daughter

AgentZigzag · 18/05/2011 20:08

So in effect she's saying she wants the Dad to pay her to keep his own daughter?

Original poster
LoopyLiz88 · 18/05/2011 20:09

Pretty much.

OP posts:
saffy85 · 18/05/2011 20:12

Your friend's DD probably does need therapy, or will do at some point, with a sorry excuse for a mother like that.

She probably is much better off with her dad if her mother treats her like that. As for the maintenance, I hope the little girl's dad laughs in her face at the suggestion. Fucking stupid cow. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like this, no way. Can see why you stayed involved though- I'd want to keep close enough to know whether this child was doing ok. Sounds like she is, as long as she stays with her dad.

NulliusInVerba · 18/05/2011 21:20

Sounds like the attitude of alot of absent fathers I have met, I must say.

To be honest if she really does carry on like that then the child is better with the father (assuming he is better and doesnt also behave like this - I'd question who would have a relationship with someone and then a child who acted in this way).

Why are you still friends with her OP?

If I had got to the point that I called SS on someone, I certainly wouldnt be sat round theirs having coffee again.

NulliusInVerba · 18/05/2011 21:22

Oh and the maintenece comment is barmy, she would never have that granted and quite right too.

millie30 · 18/05/2011 21:27

She should be paying maintenance herself if the child is now living with her father! She sounds awful.

zukiecat · 18/05/2011 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babyhammock · 18/05/2011 21:39

'Sounds like the attitude of alot of absent fathers I have met, I must say.'

I agree... I have my DS and my ex thinks he's entitled to all the money we have and also should not be obliged to pay any maintenance as I have our child...
He really believes this..

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