AIBU to not get the 'have to stay for the kids' thing

[teahouse]

A very good friend of mine is not in the greatest marriage. His wife apparently thinks everything is fine, but he doesn't, and although I do only hear one side of the story, if I had an unhappy partner I wouldn't deny something is wrong which apparently is her stance!

They have older teenage kids and other family commitments but am I being unreasonable in not understanding why he stays - you only have one shot at life and if being married to someone for the next XX years doesn't fill you with anything but dread, why waste those years.

If your relationship is one that you would hate your kids being in, why is it OK for you as a parent.

Does parenthood mean giving up a sense of self worth and abandoning happiness in the name of duty (although if someone was religious then duty may well be fine, but for the non-religious it seems a very lame excuse)?

I knew that things were not right in parents' marriage because my mother told me when I was about 11. Personally, I did not notice anything was amiss and I don't think my siblings did too.

It sounds very selfish but I know I definitely preferred them to stay together than for them to get divorced, or at least wait until I had finished my education, whereupon I knew I would have the option of making my own way because if did not want to be part of any blended family.

Of course, I could not ask my parents to stay together but they did.

As for relationships, all my siblings are married in long term relationships. Witnessing an unhappy relationship close up did not make me want to replicate it - far from it! I could spot incompatibility by a mile off and did not waste time with unsuitable partners. It was a sobering but very useful experience.