to have this book on my desk at work?

[HellAtWork]

Namechanger because I have posted before about hellish situation at work and received good advice but don't want to be outed through too much detail.

Background: From 4 months pregnant my new line manager (LM) (new as result of merger) bullied me at work. At the time I didn't think what she was doing was so bad and I felt I could stick up for myself (albeit with a bit of crying in the toilets). She did things like:

despite receiving notice of when my antenatal appointments were (same time, same day of the week) instituting a new team meeting at that time and then bollocking me for not attending - even though she knew where i was and my assistant (attending) had given my apologies at the meeting;

was difficult about me attending training;

put pressure on me to find my own maternity cover for free (am sole person who does my job in the company) implying I would not have a job to come back to if I didn't; etc.

I guess it can be summarised as a hostile attitude which I felt I just had to suck up and get on with it. Which I did until she told my assistant to put all the stuff from my filing cupboards in the bin and not tell me she had said to do this! I was 8 months pregnant at the time. Assistant then told me and I felt like I couldn't tell anyone in case she started on my assistant while I was away (she did anyway, assistant left as soon as she could after I went on mat leave and I don't blame her!)

Restructuring then takes place while I am on mat leave, and it becomes apparent that bullying LM has ignored express HR Advice & Guidance to offer me a suitable alternative vacancy and so effectively I can either be demoted (30% paycut, loss of professional status) or accept voluntary redundancy. So I realise that when she asked for my stuff to be binned, she already knew about the restructuring (it was 2 weeks before) and had already pre-determined that I would not be offered a suitable alternative vacancy and would be the out of the door somehow.

I am now fighting hard. I raised a formal grievance in October and am being told I will have to have two separate hearings - one under the grievance policy and one under the bullying/harassment policy. I have a lot of anger (not violent/only ever self-directed) and am seeing a Psychiatrist (never thought I would say that...) and have a great (and expensive) solicitor working for me and draft pleadings to lodge.

I think I am particularly aggrieved about her behaviour post-birth, emailing me 5 days after I had given birth to ask that I attend the office within 2 weeks for an end of year performance appraisal and continuing to email even when I said I would get in touch properly once I was able to (was also having to fend off her requests to come and meet me in my home because the hotel she stays in is 8 mins from my house). I feel robbed of a time that should have been nothing but joyful (maybe idyllic but I had an alright birth and have been granted a healthy baby who likes sleeping so I really cannot complain) and have a lot of horrible memories of stressing about work and realising what was happening as events unfolded around me in the first 4 months of my son's life. She eventually backed off when a union person phoned HR to ask her to back off and I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety two months later.

Anyway...for lots of reasons (got to be there to continue fighting, need meaningful work, financial etc.) I have asked to be signed fit to return to work and am returning after 18 months out of the office (mat leave + sick leave) and work are going to make me indirectly report into bullying LM despite psychiatrist, GP and Occ.Health recommendations not to do this. They maintain they have no other option because of the heirarchy of the department. I am scared, but I have to go back. I will be under a lot of stress running a litigation case against work, while being involved with two grievance investigations and hearings. So......

AIBU to keep this book on my desk at work as some form of talisman to ward her off?

Bear in mind that I am not allowed to speak about the grievances to anyone, and any contact I have had with colleagues when I have gone in for meetings has had to be supervised. However, I know others are also being bullied by this woman and there is a terrible culture of fear so I am hoping that others who feel they are being bullied can speak to me even if I can't tell them what is going on with me. In another team within the department, a colleague was forced out because her team members were told they were not allowed to speak to her and another team member received a talking to for having gone for coffee with her. Before all this happened, I didn't really think stuff like this happened in a work environment. I hate how bitter and cynical I now feel!

and for anyone who gets to the end! Thanks

Hahaha! I'd be tempted to do that.

Talk to your solicitor about it. Mine would have said it was okay, but he was the pugnacious sort. Yours might consider the company would say you'd broken their rules against not talking about your grievances.

I agree that I didn't think stuff like this happened at work - or if it did, not to people like me - but it can and it does.

There is light at the end of this though you must feel very low now. Good luck. You've done really well to stand up for yourself.

She sounds evil, and no, you are totally NBU to keep the book on your desk. What I would also suggest that you do, is keep a diary and log everything she says or does to you from the moment you return to work.

I had to deal with a vicious nasty bully when I started my first job straight out of university. She made my work life hell, when my personal life was also complicated. The only way I escaped was because I managed to get a promotion by external application (civil service) to the same grade as her, but better job and more money and it was a very sweet day when I told her. She then tried to make my life hell before I left. I kept a diary of "everything" and used it very successfully in a formal grievance. She had no idea that I had dates, times and records and it gave me strength when she was at her worst, because I was planning a strategy, IYSWIM.

Are the unions being helpful?

I can give any advice as I wasn't as strong as you and just left my job. But like you I didn't believe things like this REALLY happened in the grown up world, was so in denial that I was been bullied that it took a junior temp to actually point it out to me

Anyway just want to wish you luck and send good vibes etc.
I'm sure you'll have someone along soon with some advice rather than my wittering.......

can't.....D'oh

Thanks Ltd - I have emailed my solicitor to ask. The book is really good and has been far more help than any A-Ds or counselling.

QuietTiger I will buy a separate paper diary for that purpose. I have been able to provide an extremely detailed 80+ page statement due to emails/results of Data Protection Access requests etc but you're right nothing beats contemporary notes of her behaviour. The thing is, I doubt if they will let me sit in the same office with the rest of our dept. because she is there so I am going to be isolated on my return, which I am also fighting to try and ensure I remain seated with dept. even though it may mean seeing her every day shudder

Union not helpful. Union person who told HR to tell her to back off also diagnosed me with PND from one (sobby) phonecall from me when my son was 8 weeks and she wouldn't stop requesting meetings at my home and I felt like I couldn't leave the house at certain times or go in the direction of her hotel. GP was quite affronted when I told them this because they said PND is hard to diagnose and not very confidential behaviour. To be fair Union are organising mass action against employer's bullying tactics to force new terms and conditions so they have other fish to fry.

I wouldn't keep the book on your desk. It's a bit childish and naive.

Your work sounds awful and in all honesty I think your should of taken voluntary redundancy. This may sound defeatist but you're using a lot of your energy and time on the negative issues at work. Yes, it is fine saying fight it and the law may appear to be on your side even, but at what cost to your health and well being is it doing to you? is it really worth it?

Your case probably feels very black and white, but the reality is a mass of grey allows appears in grievance cases. You end up feeling stressed and frustrated over things that should be obvious in terms of the other person being in the wrong.

Take a set back and ask yourself what is best for you and your baby. Sometimes the professional thing to do is walk away. It's not being weak. It's doing what is best for you.

Perhaps some holy water, garlic and a crucifix?

Hope things get better for you.

Not the book I'm afraid, it could be considered inflammatory and you haven't had the case proven yet.

Good luck with the hearings.

If you leave that book book on your desk then you are being confrontational.
I agree with journey that voluntary redundancy could have been a better choice. Now that you are back though I'd contact the union again.
finallyspring bad day?

Sorry, yes bad day. Jut didn't like the tone of journey's post as the the OP needs some kind words.

Anyway, do agree that the book idea is provocative and should be avoided

I agree that you have been treated badly - you must be so pissed off. Sympathies xx

BUT

Leaving that book on your desk is inflammatory. It will bring you nothing but more hostility.

Leave it on your desk cover downwards. That way anyone could see and recognise it, but it would be snooping if they complained as they could have had to turn it over to get the full details....

Finallyspring - what a strange comment. You sound very agressive and petty. It is a shame you're so angry with the world.

Sometimes a person's well being is more important than proving that somebody else is in the wrong. It is called caring for a person. Telling someone to go ahead and argue their corner may appear to be suportive, but a true friend should consider the emotional cost that their friend may be faced with. That is not a "no nonsense" approach. It is seeing the bigger picture. The op is having a horrible time at the moment. The burden on her shoulders must be huge. A bit of compassion and caring is needed to make sure stress and frustration doesn't get the better of things. She has the option of either continuing to fight her case or give it up. To me a person's well being comes into play here. It is so easy to say to someone to continue on but it is entirely different when you're the person having to find the strength, time and energy to do so.

I recall your story, I am so sad this is still going on, I recall the hotel around the corner. i recall the harassment.

In your head I think put the book on your desk and wear a matching t-shirt, but perhaps best not in RL. It could be seen as confrontational, and it could even make her step UP her abuse of you. Better to try not to react, , lead her into a false sense of security even but note it all down, and advise your colleagues to do the same if they are in the same situation.

If she is directly rude to you, call her on it, tell her 'don't talk to me like that, you have no right to be rude to anyone, whatever your problem'

Write everything down, communicate as much as possible in writing so you have a record of it. I know it's easy to say, but try not to feel too intimidated. Worst comes to worst you can cite the recommendations that you don't work under he, show documentary proof of her cruelty toward you and then go off on sick leave, or resign and take the bitch to the cleaners for constructive dismissal.

when is the day you go back? we'll all be thinking of you. you can do this!

Thats not very nice Finallyspring

Journey gave a very good response and would be stupid not to take it. Not sure why the need to try and pick up on grammer.

No. Is inflammatory and makes you look like a victim.

She sounds fucking mental though. I hope you win and she loses her job.

FinallySpring I didn't get to see your deleted post but thank you for your support.

Journey I do see your point. Your PoV is that of some of my friends and family and I know it is only out of concern that they say this. My problem is that I have just become absolutely incensed. And my view is that for me to be able to 'move on' I cannot take redundancy and run. They are willing to settle for just over 3.5 x what I would get for redundancy. I know at some point I am going to have to take the money for my son's sake and to try and repair my career and future earning potential. My bullying LM's manager was fully aware of what she was doing as she is quoted as having said she wanted a clean sweep (remove all former company A employees leaving only her company B employees or new joiners). So I guess I partially agree with you - but I am still so angry I don't know whether I should give in or keep fighting! I fear that feeling that I have given in will cost me more in terms of mental health than fighting will ! Would the book be as controversial if it was about Treating anxiety and depression? (the symptoms) as opposed to what I view as being about the cause? Does it make any difference that I always have the book I am currently reading on my desk? (and we used to have a bit of an informal book swap going on because others would chat about what they are reading?)

HerHissyness Thank you - I remember your help on my previous thread. TBH I don't think she will be allowed near me. I checked out the ladies (had some fears over her cornering me after her trying to imply publicly at a dept conference that I was not coping with motherhood because when she asked how my maternity leave was going I replied it had all been v stressful - this happened just before I ended up lodging formal grievance when I could see that she was going to push the PND/hysterical hormonal mother angle on me) in our new offices and they are cubicles from general foyer with own handbasins so she can't catch me handwashing! If they do sack me, it would better than resigning and claiming constructive dismissal because only 10% of constructive dismissal claims win so cannot do this.

Hellatwork.......What a bloody awful situation to be in....
I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of the book tbh, I would just keep your head down and try and remain professional and do your best.

Maybe take the money for your own and families sake and have a look round and see what else is out there....sad to say but if she wants you out that much things will probably not improve, try and get through it maybe take the money and start something afresh where you will be a lot happier..

Easier said than done but some people/situations are not worth risking your health etc....hopefully there is something much better around the corner, good luck and keep us posted....

It's true about the constructive dismissal, but you do have so much evidence and at the very least ought to attract pre-tribunal settlement offers, but it's precarious indeed. Nothing about employment law is easy.

on a lighter note, can we send our new kick-ass MNer, KungfuPannda in with you as a bodyguard?

Oh please! I'd like to see them reversing! I have been following that thread every Thursday morning!

I fear that feeling that I have given in will cost me more in terms of mental health than fighting will !

I know that feeling Hell. And while I think you should take the advice of your solicitor about whether to have the book on your desk, I don't think admitting to being bullied is victimhood. That myth should never be allowed to stand. Bullies often pick on strong personalities because they feel threatened by them.

Stay strong. Keep us updated.

Hell O it depends what your boss will tolerate.

Limited How did you get past this feeling? For all the counselling etc. I can't squash this sense of injustice and that if I don't follow through the grievances (at least - and possibly the litigation) then she will be free to roam bullying wherever she goes. Her team has the worst rate of sickness in the whole dept. (1 grievance against her already won, her PA has been off sick with stress, me, two people have managed to get a transfer out). However people are telling me to run for the hills, save myself - and also it is not all altriusm from my perspective. I want karma to hit her hard. I want her to know that she cannot treat people like this and remain unscathed. She really does seem to think she is invincible and so far, she seems to be right.

Scousy If they're not allowing me to talk to people unsupervised (last time I went in for a meeting my former line manager - male - - had to wait for me outside the Ladies' toilets!) then I just don't know what they will tolerate. I don't even know how I can come back to work if I am not going to be allowed to speak to people unsupervised. But I don't think I can let my actions be governed by what they will tolerate anymore because their behaviour is oppressive and ridiculous.