To wonder why people let themselves get fat?

[Judgeywedgiepants]

I am frequently amazed at the number of women at 15/17/20 stone who suddenly realise how fat they are and want to do something about it.
Why do people let themselves get so fat? It's unhealthy, unsightly and very life limiting.
Why not just keep an eye on your weight and keep it nice and steady?

Well yes Chynah :)

I don't actually know that many overweight people very well. My work tends towards the skinny, slightly neurotic types and most of my friends are through my two competitive sports, and they don't tend to carry any excess weight either. Theres a link there - active people are generally slimmer than non-active people.

So I do feel a bit nonplussed around less active, fat people. The only ones I know that well are through family. DP's sister, her husband and his sister in law are all overweight. Nonen of them take any exercise, they moan about being tired and needing to rest and then plonk themselves on the sofa evening after evening without moving. And I actually find they are quite critical of me - if I go to the gym, or out for a run, it must be because I have something missing in my life or am unhappy about something.

DP's sister in law is shockingly lazy. I am surprised she doesn't get him to bring her a bedpan to her on the sofa because she literally won't move once she is installed. Even her posture is bad - she sprawls, rather than sits, with her huge stomach out in front of her, ordering him about. She's only 32.

I have to say, I find overweight people far more judgemental about appearance and what that says about you and far more likely to comment about weight than slim people, who just generally seem to get on with living their lives.

I worry about my weight a bit, I don't know anyone who doesn't. But I hate the attitude that anyone who is slim doesn't have any physical ailments or problems in their life.

I'm a size 10 and always have been. I watch what I eat, although not religiously and didn't put any weight on pregnancy (not through any discipline, my theory is that the placenta was at the top so was pushing on my stomach and decreasing it's capacity, like a temporary gastric band). But I was born with hip dysplasia which no one noticed until I was 18 months, had a year of various surgeries and have never been able to do exercise. The reason I'm on mumsnet this morning is because I'm sat on the sofa recuperating from my second hip replacement and am signed off work.

So all the nasty comments about how thin people can't possibly understand having a detrimental physical condition or have never had a problem in heir lives are just as dismissive and shortsighted as the ones being rude about fat people.

I understand where Chandon is coming from, I notice when I've put on a few pounds and cut out cheese and crisps until I'm back to normal again and can't imagine letting myself change a dress size without doing something about it. But I think its a very complex thing, people's relationship with food, and that's across the spectrum, whether obese or slim, curvaceous or skinny. And dismissing anyone under a size 14 as not being able to comprehend anything other than a charmed life it is just as unpleasant as dismissing anyone of a size 16+ for any reason.

At least no one has trotted out the "real woman" rubbish yet (on either side).

I forgot to throw high dose steroids into the mix - but people then think you are hiding behind the "drugs and illness" let out so best not mention that in company. Just make sure you are jolly - because fat people might be disgusting but they are jolly.

Exactly, Pickyourbrain. My dp loves me and doesn't care what size I am. He finds those (of whatever size) who are self obsessed to be boring and he's so right.

"I have to say, I find overweight people far more judgemental about appearance and what that says about you and far more likely to comment about weight than slim people, who just generally seem to get on with living their lives." - dear Lord really?! Guessing you don't live in Kew then.

Could it be that's is isn't as easy to lose weight as you think it is. It's very easy to put it on for some but losing isn't the same.

I'm about 10.5 stone and considered just over weight on the BMI scale. 8 months, yes EIGHT months of going to the gym 4-5 times per week, and watching what I eat and I have lost approximately 3lb and am still considered overweight!!!!!!

Have a

A serious psychological answer might be that over-eating is about 'stuffing feelings' - that rather than dealing with uncomfortable feelings, you stuff them back down with food.

My view is that weight is one of the very few areas in life in which your character is writ large (literally) on your body (with of course the many exceptions upthread, of periods of depression/bereavement/ill health/medication).

My character is generally warm, contented, greedy (for all things in life), impetuous, temperamental and unrestrained. I love books, art, music: I am less interested in the outdoors, in physical challenges, in restraint. I am also not particularly vain, so not motivated by others' opinion of my appearance (which is very pleasant or so I'm told!)

All of those things are likely to make me overweight - and they have! It is simply not in my nature to deny myself, or anyone else, any pleasure. Naturally I should be more disciplined, in all areas of life; and am making efforts to be so. There are limits to how far my character can dictate the size of my arse, and I set that limit at gaining 20lb owing to never moving from my damn study for 2 years

There are people who are naturally controlled and disiplined: they are likely to be slim, I think.

In very few other areas of life does one's character drastically effect appearance. If you are selfish and mean-spirited, those characteristics are unlikely to make you fat. If you are inclined to be fairly sexually erm, liberated, and have no objection to having lots of sexual partners at once, no-one would know by looking at you. If you are crap with money and like to gamble, no-one can tell by your dress size. Even if you have an unrestrained nature like mine and it falls to booze or drugs instead of food - again, unless it reaches cataclysmic proportions, people are unlikely to know at first glance.

Dunno if that makes a great deal of sense. Prolly not. But I think I am overweight because of who I am as much as what I do (or don't do).

As to being unslightly: dear God OP, I wish you could see my face right this minute

I agree with this. I know I choose to overeat that is a choice that is not good for me. I do not deny that being overweight is a bad thing and that my choices are not the best ones in that regard. I do however object the over-reaction of many people to what is fundamentally a human flaw.

You see that is the sort of value laden comment I object to. I do not think I am lazy. My choices with regard to what I chose to epend my energy on may not be the best choices but "lazy" is a value laden judgement which in my views has no use whatsovever in the discussion of obesity.

You enjoy running, Chynah - not everyone does.

It depresses me when I come onto these threads and try to give an insight into me and my problems with food/weight etc, only to have someone come back on and basically say, 'it's easy - go for a run, don't eat the fattening food, you are wrong when you say that there are other factors in weight gain.'

At the most basic level, yes, I am overweight because my intake of calories has exceeded my energy usage over many, many years. But the question you don't seem to want to address, Chynah, is why I have done that.

I don't like myself. You don't take care of something you don't like - and I don't take care of myself. I have cripplingly low self-esteem, which is not helped by judgmental attitudes like some of the ones demonstrated on this thread. When I am doing the shopping list for the week, I don't plan in healthy lunches for myself - something deep inside me tells me I don't deserve to have that consideration for my needs - so I end up eating left overs or something on toast - not the best choice by any means.

Also, the antidepressants that I am on make me nauseous. I take them first thing in the morning (I can't take them at bed time, because they also caused disturbed sleep patterns), and this means I very rarely eat breakfast, so by mid to late morning, my blood sugar is plummeting, and then I crave something high in sugar or carbohydrate - not the best choice again. Plus, not having breakfast means my metabolism doesn't get that kick start in the morning.

It must be lovely to be slim, active and to enjoy exercise. I have never been any of these, and just living is an uphill battle. I wish you could live a day in my skin, and feel the self-loathing, the tiredness, the depression, the feeling that even thinking about an activity is like wading through treacle, never mind actually doing it. You might understand me a bit better then, and stop writing me off as stupid, in denial, lazy etc.

many very overweight people have no problem losing weight, they have often lost more weight over their lifetime than people without a weght problem. The problem is keeping it off.

If anyone is genuinely interested I could quote the head of metabolic medicine at Charing Cross until the cows come home.

Or I could just hide the thread.

Kew that is very true. Someone upthread said something like "Pah, losing weight is no harder than giving up smoking. And I should know, I've given up smoking LOADS of times."

Ironic much?!

So in summary, if you're overweight you must be undisciplined, uneducated regarding nutrition etc., lazy, judgmental

If you're slim, you must be shallow, uptight, judgmental and not enjoy life.

Fabulous thread, MN at its best

No I don't kewcumber - I live in Scotland, and just going to any supermarket is depressing in terms of the shape that now seems to be the norm here. But you just need to read a few of the comments underneath my posts about how they perceive slim people's characters to see that judgemental, almost spiteful attitute creeping in.

davids girl >
I don't like myself. You don't take care of something you don't like - and I don't take care of myself. I have cripplingly low self-esteem, which is not helped by judgmental attitudes like some of the ones demonstrated on this thread. When I am doing the shopping list for the week, I don't plan in healthy lunches for myself - something deep inside me tells me I don't deserve to have that consideration for my needs - so I end up eating left overs or something on toast - not the best choice by any means.< i totally do this! i make meal plans for family but do not plan for my lunch or my tea if im home alone! i just find whatever is in cupboards! because im not worth allowances in the food budget.

Not everyone has said that, Abs. I am doing my best to give a view from inside a fat depressed person, to help people see how what they are saying may not be right or kind.

I think those who are a bit overweight just like food and drink etc...maybe they're not too fond of exercise.

But those who are seriously overweight tend to have difficult relationships with food where comfort and depression and all sorts of other things are built in...it's just not that striaghtforward for many of them.

Also OP, why single out women in your OP? No mention of men? Men get fat too. Do you not find them unsightly too? Is it ok for men to get chunky?

DTs girl - have you actually tried having breakfast with your ADs (I'm not sure if you mean the thought of breakfast makes you feel ill or whether you've tried to eat and it makes you ill). Because even though you may feel nauseous, eating can help with that and you may feel better if you can manage to eat something. That was the case for me when I took my ADs anyway. Or perhaps try a different AD altogether - you shouldn't have to put up with feeling icky (other than the initial starting period when I think they all make you feel pretty sick). Or if you have already tried all this then just ignore me of course! :)

Obviously, SDTG, but that seems to be the overwhelming sentiment on this thread. It is really nasty, from both sides (though your post is reasoned and is enlightening)

Abs that's not really what I meant (if you were looking at my post) because I'm not assigning positive or negative qualities to personalities, just saying that people differ in what interests them etc.

So for instance, I have a sister (same gene pool, then) who has never read a book in her life and openly admits to buying the newspapers to look at the pictures. She loves being outdoors and cycles and runs every chance she gets.

I can't see the interest in getting all muddy and cold and would rather be indoors reading or baking. And which one of us is overweight? Me. I am saying that my size isn't because I have failed in this or that, and not that slim people are slim because they are good at this or that, but that in some cases your tastes, and personality, and what you enjoy in life, significantly affect your size.

Fook off OP, your stupid, and narrow minded

Here have my first ever I hope you choke on it

I find this thread really interesting. I used to be fat. I then made the decision to lose weight as I felt it was affecting my life and emotions (getting jealous of other girls etc). I embarked on a sensible eating regime and exercise program and got to my target weight. I was fat because I ate too much. I ate too much because I enjoyed eating food. But that enjoyment didn't overtake the negative feelings being fat gave me so I did something about it. It's all about what you're happy with.

And I guess people use different things to unwind/cope with life's trials - I'd rather reach for a glass of wine than a biscuit. I definitely exceed my weekly units. My DP reaches for a cigarette.

On the suject of weight, maybe this is for another thread, but I was chatting to lady in my office yesterday about bikinis and I said that I didn't wear them because I felt uncomfortable showing that much flesh and another woman came up to me and said, 'get over it, you skinny bitch' and laughed. I was gobsmacked - how come it's perfectly acceptable to call someone a skinny bitch, but if I had called her a fat bitch, all hell would have broken loose. It's a double standard. I'm not even skinny, just healthy. Made me so angry.

You enjoy running, Chynah - not everyone does

The trick is to find something you enjoy and then stick at it! Not all exercise has to be running!
When I have to get up for a race on a Sunday sometimes I HATE it but it feels so good when it's done.

PasshtheTwiglets - I will try that. I tend to take the ADs just as I am getting out of bed - they sit on my bedside table with a drink - and that way I can't forget them. Added to everything else, my memory is shot, and so far this is the best way I've found of making sure I actually take the wretched things. Perhaps I need to set an alarm on my phone for a certain time every day, with a note to tell me to take the tablets.