To wonder why people let themselves get fat?

[Judgeywedgiepants]

I am frequently amazed at the number of women at 15/17/20 stone who suddenly realise how fat they are and want to do something about it.
Why do people let themselves get so fat? It's unhealthy, unsightly and very life limiting.
Why not just keep an eye on your weight and keep it nice and steady?

On a totally logical level you are right. It is strange that people let themselves get fat. But human beings are not logical.

We all do things that aren't strictly in our best interests. For example, drink too much, don't take enough exercise, eat things that aren't good for us, smoke cigarettes, don't go to our GP when we should, stay out in the sun too long, don't get enough sleep, eat too little, etc etc.

We are all just trying to get through life which at times can be great fun, but at other times is just a hard difficult slog. People do some things that are bad for them because they are trying to hang on there when things are tough e.g. it is very common to eat too little or too much or drink too much when life is very very tough.

Other habits such as eating lots of chocolate or smoking are very very difficult to break. Which is why there is an enormous diet and stop smoking industry.

There will be things you do that are not in your best interests that others won't understand. For example I find it very hard to understand why people become drug addicts. I have taken illegal drugs a few times and found it very very easy to resist the temptation to take more. Similraly why people risk their health using sun beds.

Because human beings are complicated, it is rare to find someone who doesn't do things that are not in their best interests.

There is hardly a lack of information out there about food/diet/ weight loss/exercise. Obviously there is something more complex going on. But acknowledging complexity does not go with judginess.

boilingpoint Tue 17-May-11 10:06:26
seriously?

Poor taste and very insulting to us 'fatties'

what an arsehole!

Threads like this are not only insulting to 'fatties'. They insult anyone with a modicum of humanity.

"i would question if most people who are 20 stone are happy and fulfilled and that their weight was not stopping them getting what they want out of life"

I'm not happy about being fat. Who is really? But I am happy. I am fulfilled. It doesn't stop me living. There is more to me than fat. I'm also a human being with wants and desires. If I want something I try and get it. I have no other ambition than to raise my children to be healthy, well adjusted and secure. I have a loving dh who makes me happy. I have a part time job I really enjoy. For a fat lass I'm doing a great job. I'm proud of myself. :)

Re. gay peopel are more likely to get cancer. Lesbians are more likely to get ovarian and breast cancer. But that is purely because they are less likely to have children. Having children is protective for certain types of cancer.

Women who breast feed are less likely to get breast cancer.

Lets force all women to breastfeed, It is our business we will be paying for their cancer treatment ! Or better still lets deny them treatment.

Hahaha! Who said it was illegal? Seriously if people look at us when we are eating a picnic I offer them some. You'd be amazed at the people who have happily accepted. I honestly don't think its because of my size. (Of course I will now :o )

Incidentally I have heard very fat people who lose lots and lots of weight and then put it all back on again say they don't understand why they let themselves get fat again.

Never tried them, but some of the diet organisations now understand that keeping fat off is much more complicated than just telling people to keep eating healthy and exercise - they now provide psychological help to tackle this issue.

For example, a close friend must be about 23 stone. She started putting on weight at 11 when her anorexic older sister started to make lots of desserts/treats and encourage her to eat them. Her parents didn't intervene and soon she was very overweight with some pretty unhelpful attitudes to food. Overcoming this isn't easy. She has lost lots of weight and put it all back on.

StayingDavidtennatGirl, Why do you think I want you dead ?

I am trying to understand obesity, I do not hate people for their body size, and definitely do not want anybody DEAD

Goodness, I have not even said anything rude I don't think. What have I said that makes you think I want you dead? (genuinely concerned)

I can't be bothered to read this all. I'm a size 20 so up there with the unsightly, non self respecting people that you are talking about. I suffer from depression and hate myself immensely. Yes I know how much I weigh, no I'm not happy about myself, I don't think I look wonderful. I hate leaving my house every day, love the winter because it gets dark early, hate walking, not because of the exercise, but because people will see me.

So feel free to hate away. You cannot possibly make me feel worse about myself than I already do. Believe me, my own hatred affects me far worse than yours.

But it's the health implications isn't it?

I have a friend who is over 20 stone and her life is very restricted in what she can do. She can't walk her dc to school as she spends the next day paying the price with her knees, cannot walk and hold a conversation and is limited in her activities with her dc, not to mention the effect on her confidence. To me she's too young to be living that kind of life and although I hate saying this, I really do feel sorry for her. She's well aware of her problems and talks very openly about them but still it's not enough to make her lose weight.

Abslutely. Those of us who are fat do have problems controlling what we eat and for some of us (though by no means all) that is because we don't have the appropriate self-retraint required when it comes to food.

I personally am fat because I eat crap and too much of it. However I have no problem whatsover in saying no to alcohol or in leaving a half drunk glass of wine (something many of my "slim" friends seem incapable of doing). I don't take drugs or smoke. I have no problem controlling my any violent impulses (something many people have a problem with).

The effects of my problem (i.e. overeating) are that I am fat and that is very visible. The vitriol poured out aginst fat people seems to me all out of proportion to thing that causes it.

People who can't stop smoking are given a hard time because people don't like the effect it has on others. I don't hear this sort of vitriol against smokers because they "have reduced lung capacity" which is likely to have many of the same difficulties associated with being overweight.

The reason we hate fat people so much is that we are an appearance obsessed culture and that we are all terrified of the faint possiblity that it might happen to us.

Yes but she has to want to change Ace. I want to lose weight but was told by a doctor that he thinks subconsciously I prefer to be overweight as I don't like attention. The odd time I get a bit of male attention its usually just to abuse me. Obviously I must love that. (According to him.) I hope your friend sorts it out soon.

"The reason we hate fat people so much is that we are an appearance obsessed culture and that we are all terrified of the faint possiblity that it might happen to us." Very very true.
Obesity can creep up on you when you least expect it. I clearly remember my teenage friend picking on me in front of some boys. She was a stunning blonde with a perfect size 10 figure. She tried to befriend me on fb. I rejected her. Not before I looked at her pics and saw she probably equals my size and weight now. I didn't feel like revenge had been done. I felt sorry that the one thing she was terrified of and used to abuse others for had happened to her. I'm sure thats revenge enough.

I am fat and happy. I don't eat loads. Rarely eat take aways. Drink moderately. I tried to diet once and I was so miserable that I put on a stone.

But then I don't listen to judgemental morons anymore and am happy in my own skin.

Chandon - I guess it was the judgmental tone of your post earlier on the thread - I felt a whole lot of dislike coming through it. Maybe I was wrong - if so I apologise for the strength of my comment.

One thing people might like to consider:

I know someone with an alchohol problem. He decided to quit over 5 years ago, and has not touched a drop since. My dad gave up smoking, and never used tobacco again. I have problems with food, and the amount I eat - but I cannot give up food altogether, never have it in the house again. I need to eat, to shop, to cook for the family, and food is everywhere.

Also, once you get to my size, exercise is not easy. Being the weight I am is the equivalent of someone of 10 stone carrying another 10 stone adult around with them everywhere they go. It makes just walking difficult - I get back ache and my joints hurt - and so going for a brisk walk is not an option. I recently did go for a long (for me) walk with a friend (we walked 4 miles), and I was near-crippled the next few days by the aches and pains it caused. Going for a run would be out of the question. It's a vicious circle.

Oh - and part of my comment about people wanting me dead, Chandon, is probably down to poor self esteem - another part of my problem. Again, apologies.

JezzaKyle You mentioned people looking in your shopping trolley and I thought you were suggesting that I was looking at someone's picnic in a sneering or judgey way, which was not the case. Just wanted to clarify that.

(Can't believe I'm still talking about looking at people's picnics)

bumbling I think you speak a lot of sense.

However, I think some of the 'vitriol' is because people perceive it is actually not that difficult to lose weight. Of course, it certainly can be, just as it can be difficult to stop smoking or cut down on alcohol. It is difficult but it's not impossible. You say some people 'can't stop smoking'....this just isn't true. Anyone can give up smoking but some people choose not to. Myself included. I understand all the health risks and indeed I wish I didn't smoke. But I do and I have to accept that that is because I am choosing to do so. I know I can stop, I have done so before, for long periods of time. I hope I will again.

In the same way, many overweight people are choosing not to do anything about it. Some are trying to do something about it. For some, it will be no doubt be harder than it is for others. Most overweight people could lose weight if they chose to.

Stopping undesirable and unhealthy habits requires will power and motivation, that's all. We can all do it but many of us choose not to, for a variety of reasons.

"exercise is not easy"

True but few things in life worth doing are easy........

A woman I used to work with was what you typically class as quite overweight, perhaps a size 18 and fairly short. However when we went on nights out, men used to eat out of her hands. She was married with three kids so would merely humour these men as she loved her husband and family dearly. She had an amazing charismatic personality and a lovely smile, she was warm with a wicked, rude sense of humour. She was sexy. As a pre-kids size 10 twenty-something, I admired her and her figure.

So OP, you're YABVU, theres alot more to being attractive than being a size 8-10. I bet you have all the personality and charisma of a weight watchers ready meal.

I'm sure thats revenge enough

Another lovely attitude from one on the thread who claims to be so judged and misunderstood. Can't you all see that the attitudes and insults thrown at OP don't really help your protestations of being judged etc?

StayingDavidTennants Exercise has to be proportionate to what an individual can manage. Going for a run is fairly challenging and probably most suited to people who aren't very large and who have already developed some level of fitness.

For someone like you, going for a walk is a very good place to start (please forgive me, this sounds patronising but isn't meant to). Other low impact forms of exercise like swimming or Pilates are good too. I can imagine some large folk might not be comfortable going swimming but you can do Pilates or yoga from a DVD at home. Any exercise is better than none.

Get over yourself OP - god, I bet in RL you are joy to know!!

I put on some weight when my wonderful mum...a life long non smoker....died of lung cancer. I got stuck ina pit of misery thinking life is too short, woe is me my mum is dead blah blah, eating shit, drinking wine and before you know it 20 lbs heavier!!!! Ironically my mum was often on a diet too and you know when she got skinny??? When she was dying!!!! Christ, it made me realise what a shallow nation we are if we judge people by the size of their arse!!!

My belief is as long as you are not overweight to the extent of your health suffering and as long as you are happy then fine. Personally, I am happier with less meat on my bones and I gave myself a kick up the arse and have managed to get back to my usual size (bloody hard work though) but I only ever diet for ME, I couldnt give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks.

I dont have a good relationship with food, all or nothing with me...I either eat everything in sight or live on cream crackers!!! I envy people who enjoy their food and wish I could be like that without all the other issues....it's just a shame there are people who make the issues ten times worse!!

Absolute balls, Niceguy2 - there's plenty worth doing that is easy. I can think of at least a dozen things.

If a 4 mile walk leaves someone in pain for 2 days then it's not worth it. So maybe gentler exercise would be better - start at 1 mile or something.

DontCallMePeanut 12 stone isn't morbidly obese though. I am also happier at 11.5 stone than i was at 9 stone and I have no ambition to conform to what the magazines would have us beleive we shouldlook like, or to what people like the hideous OP feel is least "unsightly" but I was talking about 20 stone .. I find it hard to beleive that at 20 stone, your weight isn't holding you back at all. That's not to do with some ridiculous media driven ideal of what the perfect weight looks like - it's about health.

if someone I love was 20 stone, I would be concerned about their health and i would question why they felt they needed to do that to their body. Not as with OP "eurghh it's gross why are people so lazy and digusting, why don't they just eat less and excercise more?!" but out of genuine concern, as I would if someone I love ebcame anorexic.