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AIBU?

to have lost it with DD for this impatience.

97 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 15/05/2011 17:50

DD is almost 14

i let her for the first time ever go shopping on her own to a large shopping centre with a friend to buy some clothes
she wanted a pair if Toms
she has bought a pair that are clearly clearly far too small and then in her impatience she has worn them in the shopping centre. they are now dirty and i wont be able to return them. they were £33. i am so angry with her, we have had a massive fall out, she wont come down to eat dinner and ive ended up telling her she can go hungry for the night since her dinner is now in the dog.

i know there is nothing to be gained now, but i am angry with her for not even trying a bigger pair on and then for being so impatient she couldnt wait until she got home to wear them.

aibu in my anger? i know its pointless being angry but its such a waste of money, and im not made of it. she begged for money for some clothes on top of her allowance, because she is going on a school trip to Paris. i couldnt really afford it but i gave her the money anyway.

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fyrtlemertile · 15/05/2011 21:28

I can vouch for the fact that they stretch MASSIVELY! I was told by the shop assistant in office to get the w6, a UK4 instead of the UK5 which I was skeptical about to say the least but after a week the 4s fir fine, the 5s would have definitely been too big

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FabbyChic · 15/05/2011 21:31

Unpick the stitching on the shoe and take them back as not being fit for purpose. Just a thought. You'd be lucky to get a tenner on eBay.

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FabbyChic · 15/05/2011 21:35

Eeew a pair of navy ones on eBay

cgi.ebay.co.uk/TOMS-navy-blue-classic-slip-canvas-espradrille-shoes-/150602871213?pt=UK_Women_s_Shoes&hash=item2310a171ad

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280169 · 15/05/2011 21:41

well the lad at work today was advising one of the girls to buysmall cos his have stretched to the point they are too big for him now.

I think she may be ok, she obviously got them on.
Is se a similar size to you? I would let her break them in.Your not gonna get full price back anyway, break them in indoors for a week if no good e bay them

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ThatVikRinA22 · 15/05/2011 21:57

really ??- if they stretch that much then she will be fine i think with the ones she got....she is 2 sizes bigger than me now, but also about 3 inches taller (!)

she is going to be all smug if i tell her....but in fairness she has just said her friend told her they stretch....

fabby - i didnt even think of ebay. those are the ones she got today - blue with little efalumps in, they do look nice with her chinos (honest!)

if they stretch i may just relent and let her wear these around the house for a bit and see....

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duke748 · 15/05/2011 22:06

Just to throw something else into the mix....

You have said she bought the wrong size as she was impatient. Could the reason be something else?

I obviously don't know your DD, but it seems to me to be more likely that she bought the smaller size because she was embarrassed about the size of her feet. I know at that age I was painfully aware of any differences in my body compared to my friends. If all her friends are a certain shoe size she might have pretended (or half hoped as she squished her feet in them!) that she was too.

I know it doesn't help with the waste of money, but it might mean that your way of solving the problem is different. Talking to her about individuality etc might be more of help. If you 'go on' about the waste of money she might think you 'don't understand' and all that other teen (and pre-teen!) stuff.

Just a thought, and HTH.

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whiteflame · 15/05/2011 22:07

Well what bloody use are shoes that stretch that much? Everyone who knows how to buy a pair of shoes that fit properly will have the 'wrong' size shoes.

Annoyed on your behalf VicarInaTutu!

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ThatVikRinA22 · 15/05/2011 22:29

a few people have suggested that she be embarrassed by her feet - but she is like a giraffe - very tall and very slim, and her feet really are not that big - she is a size 6, most of her friends have bigger feet, one her friends is a size 11!

she really does not seem to have a complex about her size 6's....truly, she enjoys shopping, shoes or any other kind! i just think she simply asked for a size 6 because she is a size 6 - she did not know that they are us sizes, though if the stretching issue is true then she will have unwittingly got the right size anyway!

is size 6 considered embarrassing now? that seems a little....dunno, odd? she will no doubt continue to grow - her father is 6 feet 5 tall and has siize 14 feet. i have size 4 feet. hopefully she will stop somewhere in the middle! her feet dont look big because she is tall.

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Maryz · 15/05/2011 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrdinaryJo · 15/05/2011 22:49

Sorry, but YABU. She's 14 and she made a bad shopping choice. I'm 40 and am currently trying to convince myself that the top I bought yesterday really does fit. She has a lifetime of getting it wrong in shops ahead of her...

I understand it's a lot of money, but thems the breaks. (although they do look like they will stretch). Maybe you still need to go shoe shopping with her for a while (as shoes are so dear) but you can let her do her own clothes shopping?

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ThatVikRinA22 · 15/05/2011 23:01

no, she has said she wont wear anything again until brought home, and im fine with that. (as long as she keeps the receipt!) i think its been a learning curve.

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onceamai · 15/05/2011 23:05

Go give her a hug and a kiss and tuck her in then. You both deserve it and tomorrow's the start of another week.

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campion · 15/05/2011 23:39

She's 13, she's inexperienced at buying shoes - but a bit more experienced now! Cut her some slack - you knew that's what she was going for and kids are not good at buying their own shoes. IME it takes a few years and they still come home with crap

...heads for back of wardrobe where several pairs of espadrilles lurk. Are they back in? Am I 'on trend'... finally?

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Morloth · 16/05/2011 02:51

I feel a little sorry for her.

I bought a pair of boots once, they were so beautiful, the only size they had left was just a leeetle too small, they cost me $150 and I still have them, having only worn them once or twice because they hurt like fuck. They are still beautiful though.

It is a stupid thing to do, but I think many of us have done similar.

I think I was about 21 when I did this.

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heliumballoons · 16/05/2011 07:15

Does anyone remember the episode of friends with 'Monica's boot's?'

With regards to size it was me who suggetsed it somewhere ^^. I don't think a 6/7 is large but I just remember when my feet grew being embarassed about having larger feet - or maybe all my school friends just had freakishly small feet!

I think the just asking for the size and buying is probably the most correct statement. When your shopping with friends at this age you can feel a pressure to hurry up with your purchases as x'y and z also want to shop in a,b and c.

Happy stretching the shoes.

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280169 · 16/05/2011 07:21

hope you have made friends now :)
6 is not big my dd is only a 4 but she is tiny, her friends all have 6 plus size feet, I am a 5.

Someone posted about convincing themselves the top they bought would fit, I am certainly guilty of that.Sizing is so bizzare in shops.I can get a 12 in some shops and need a 16 in others.
Same with shoes, mineand dd feetare super wide so a nightmare to get shoes that fit.

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diddl · 16/05/2011 09:49

"She's 13, she's inexperienced at buying shoes"

TBH, I don´t agree with that.

She might never have been without a parent, but I would have thought that she would realise that you always try shoes on as this is what has always happened.

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EmmaBemma · 16/05/2011 09:55

I remember when I was 14 or 15, weeping with frustration as I tried to cram my size 7 feet into a pair of size 6 sky-blue velvet Dr Martens' that a friend had bought but decided she didn't like. She said I could have them and even though I knew I was a 7, not a 6, I'd still managed to convince myself that I could make them bend to my will. I could not. Ye cannae change the laws of physics, as Scotty memorably said.

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campion · 16/05/2011 11:41

Well, what you do with a parent present,diddl, isn't always what you'll do when they're not. She was excited, wanted the shoes and liked the colour.And she's 13. Size and fit were always going to be losers here!

Making your own decision about buying something is a skill you have to learn. And I think she has now learnt something.

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diddl · 16/05/2011 11:52

Of course, but it´s not as if she is a young child with no idea of how to go about things, is she?

I would think most 13yr olds are capable of returning with shoes that fit tbh.

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LDNmummy · 16/05/2011 12:03

Oh yeah, I remember those. Well your daughter is very trendy but not ready to make decisions on spending money on clothes.

YANBU. Hope you try selling them on ebay and I would say if they are brand new and a nice pair you can at least get half your money back.

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LDNmummy · 16/05/2011 12:05

Mind you my brother just turned 14 and he wouldn't be trusted to buy clothes by himself.

Recently took him shopping to buy a suit for a wedding and I remembered exactly why he couldn't be trusted. At that age there seems to be a very la di da attitude towards what is actually necessary and the value of money.

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