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AIBU?

to have lost it with DD for this impatience.

97 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 15/05/2011 17:50

DD is almost 14

i let her for the first time ever go shopping on her own to a large shopping centre with a friend to buy some clothes
she wanted a pair if Toms
she has bought a pair that are clearly clearly far too small and then in her impatience she has worn them in the shopping centre. they are now dirty and i wont be able to return them. they were £33. i am so angry with her, we have had a massive fall out, she wont come down to eat dinner and ive ended up telling her she can go hungry for the night since her dinner is now in the dog.

i know there is nothing to be gained now, but i am angry with her for not even trying a bigger pair on and then for being so impatient she couldnt wait until she got home to wear them.

aibu in my anger? i know its pointless being angry but its such a waste of money, and im not made of it. she begged for money for some clothes on top of her allowance, because she is going on a school trip to Paris. i couldnt really afford it but i gave her the money anyway.

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AppleyEverAfter · 15/05/2011 18:44

Take them back! Seriously, it's worth a go. I know people who work in a shoe factory customer services dept and they refund/replace shoes that are YEARS old and worn. Tell them about the confusion over the sizing and if you don't have any luck ask for the manager.

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izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 15/05/2011 18:46

Unless you have a heart of stone or never did anything similar or never caused your parents any grief whatsoever, give her a hug and some dinner.

And quietly explain that as you made an error in trusting her to exercise sound judgement when it came to buying summer shoes that you could barely afford, she'll be shopping for clothes/shoes with you until she earns her own money - at which point she'll learn the hard way which is what I did.

As for what to do with the offending item; clean them up and sell 'em on eBay as worn once, in box, with receipt. Or take your chances returning them to the shop.

Looks like she'll be wearing her existing footwear to Paris - if she's taking a cash allowance with her it's likely she'll find far nicer espadrilles for much less than toms, and she'll have the choice of going without small treats in order to splurge on the shoes of her dreams.

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jordannarikki · 15/05/2011 18:49

Hmmmm, I was with you OP, until someone explained that the sizing is all out of wack on those fright shoes.

It was her first time shopping without you, maybe she just thought they would stretch or something? If she asked for a 6 and got given a 5, thought they'd fit, was self conscious about the size of her feet etc etc?

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whiteflame · 15/05/2011 18:50

crikey you lot are meanies

i imagine not having the coveted shoes for Paris is more than lesson enough. She is probably sulking because she feels embarrassed and having made such a mistake.

As for not trusting her to go shoe shopping for a long time, I don't think that's a good idea. Just sit her down and take her through what you do when you're buying shoes (not that she hasn't seen it when buying them with you, but she probably hasn't taken it in). She's 14, in 'a good while' she will be moving out, not just about be able to be trusted buying shoes!!

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ThatVikRinA22 · 15/05/2011 18:55

to be fair i did not realise about the sizing, but having said that, i would have expected her to be able to judge if they fit or not, and i would have expected her to try them on, i think she did try them on, but for her, a size 6 is a size 6, and she is never any bigger so i dont suppose she will have even thought about asking for a bigger size.

i really wouldnt have minded if she hadnt been too impatient to wait until she got home to wear them. she concedes that she "could do with a bigger size" so she can tell they dont fit, if she had just waited we could have bobbed them back next week, no problem. but because she was so impetuous and impatient and just couldnt bloody wait it now means we are stuck with a pair of shoes that dont fit and its an expensive mistake.

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LadyBeagleEyes · 15/05/2011 18:57

Aw,I feel sorry for your daughter. Her first shopping trip on her own and only 14.
She probably feels silly and embarrassed now instead of all grown up.
I've done the same thing over the years, we all make shopping errors even as adults.

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jordannarikki · 15/05/2011 18:59

"we all make shopping errors even as adults"

That's true. And honestly, it's only in the last few years that I've relented and gone up a size if my usual size 12 doesn't fit. Before I just wouldn't buy something if the 12 didn't fit, or would squeeze into it

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whiteflame · 15/05/2011 19:01

perhaps you can get her to buy them alone next time then Vicar, and bring them home to you for 'passing' before she wears them? (i think someone may have suggested this further up the thread.)

i feel for you both really!

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scuzy · 15/05/2011 19:01

god what an ugly shoe! mental price!

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Cloudydays · 15/05/2011 19:04

I feel bad for her too - surely this is just part of learning, not really an episode of bad behaviour?

If you return the shoes to the shop, will they snatch the other pair back off the needy kid?

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BelleDameSansMerci · 15/05/2011 19:04

Oh, I feel a bit sorry for her... I think the shop should have made it clear that they were US sizes and brought her the size she needed or, if she took them off the rack, it should have been made clear at the check-out. She could have been feeling a bit silly in the shop that the size she asked for didn't fit and too shy to say anything - all sorts of reasons.

Having said that, of course she shouldn't have worn them home but perhaps she was hoping they'd stretch to the right size (believing she'd bought the right size) on the way? She's only 14.

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GwendolineMaryLacey · 15/05/2011 19:06

I've done the same thing. Bought a pair of shoes I absolutely loved in a size bigger because I loved them and they were the last pair in the sale. Never worn them because the bloody things don't stay on

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Beamur · 15/05/2011 19:09

Ah, OP, now the fury is wearing off.
I think its a fair point that the shop ought to have known about the size difference and should have told your DD - I'd be tempted to try and take them back on that basis - I bet your DD won't have been the only one to have made this mistake.

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EricNorthmansMistress · 15/05/2011 19:10

When I was her age I went shopping for my school shoes with a friend. Spent £25 of my mum's money (money VVVVV tight then) on a pair of size 6 shoes when I was a 5. I wore them home and by the time we got there my feet were slopping out all over the place. Mum was very pissed off for a bit but in the end accepted that it was a learning experience. I felt wretched. I did return them though and they gave me a refund (since they had stretched so rapidly). It was foolish to buy something unsuitable but she will have learnt her lesson.

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DuchessofCambridge · 15/05/2011 19:15

I was only talking about this at work 3 days ago. My love for a pair of shoes was so overwhelming I deliberately bought the wrong size rather than not have them at all (my size had sold out). I still remember the anxiety on the way home from the shop. My mum knew straight away but I too had wor them home and I persisted in saying they were comfy! You def are not being unreasonable tho I can completely understand how it has happened.

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lljkk · 15/05/2011 19:24

It's just a stupid teen maneuver learning experience (for both of you). Don't bother getting upset about it. I'd involve her in cleaning and flogging them on Ebay and ask her to pay something (at least half) out of her money towards the next pair of trendy shoes she wants.

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ThatVikRinA22 · 15/05/2011 19:24

yes the fury is wearing off.

i have managed to contain myself enough to explain that i expected her to buy sensibly and i have also said that in future she is not to wear anything until she has brought it home. she has agreed.

just had another look and they have cleaned up really well. she didnt have them on for long, so i may try to return them on the sizing basis.

she must have on foot a bit bigger than the other, one seems to be very tight while the other isnt that bad.

it could have been worse. she could have come home with a pair of 5 inch stilettos or something. Toms are ok with me, even at that price, as long as they fit her!

ive said we will go back next week, and ill go aswell. The rest of her purchases are all lovely, she got chinos, a tie front white shirt, a brown leather braided belt and a satchel type bag, thats why i am so shocked at her getting the wrong size shoes, she is normally really sensible. she knows not to come home with anything not age appropriate or that doesnt fit, normally! at lease we are now on speaking terms....

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Maryz · 15/05/2011 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

280169 · 15/05/2011 19:46

for what its worth some of our staff have these and apparently they stretch like mad, so much so that they are now to big for some of them.Make her wear them and see if it works???

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TrillianAstra · 15/05/2011 19:56

When I was 14 I had a monthly allowance for buying clothes (and anything else that I wanted) and my parents just bought school uniform, school shoes, and coats.

You weren't expecting the money back, you were expecting her to spend it and she spent it. If she spent it on something that she now can't wear then that's her problem, isn't it? If she asks for money to buy more shoes then the answer is of course "no, you had your shoe-money and now it's gone", but beyond that I wouldn't expect there to need to be any repercussions or punishment.

If she asks, help her sell them on ebay, and maybe take some commission as it takes up your time and effort to do the selling.

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ShinyMoonInAPurpleSky · 15/05/2011 20:09

I have fallen foul of the us sizes when buying in TImberland so i do feel sorry for your dd. They should have massive great big signs in shops that sell us sizes to avoid this sort of confusion.

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ThatVikRinA22 · 15/05/2011 20:13

she just asked if she could have some for her birthday....she is pulling at the old heart strings now! madam!

280169 do they really stretch? if so then i suspect she might be ok with what she has....god i just dont know what to do now.

i think we will go back next week, try the bigger size and see if they fit - i think these ones have cleaned up enough (oxy is magic!) to return on the basis of the confusion in sizing.

i have calmed down. a lot. after a nice glass of red wine. she will now of course need feeding...

she is sat upstairs huddled over her purchases, which for the most part i cannot find anything to complain about. she even bought navy blue toms. sensible colour. just wish they fit her. there were never going to be any punishments, she is feeling bad enough, she was quite excited about the Toms...and she liked the thing about a pair of shoes going to a child in need...how could i punish for a mistake? there were never going to be an repercussions or punishments, just cross that in her haste to get the flipping things on her feet she didnt stop for just a minute to check if they fit. but she knows now. i think she has learned.

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GwendolineMaryLacey · 15/05/2011 21:15

They're old lady shoes aren't they? They look exactly like the sort of shoes the nuns wear at our church. I must be getting really old...

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thisisyesterday · 15/05/2011 21:19

i think you are being unreasonable

she asked for some money for clothing. you let her have what you were willing to give.
she bought something unsuitable... it's HER problem. now she has no new clothes and no new shoes.

lesson learned.

i know it's infuriating for you, but you have to let her make her own mistakes.

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thisisyesterday · 15/05/2011 21:25

if they're canvas i doubt they'll stretch much tbh... leather you can stretch quite easily, but canvas less so...

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