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AIBU?

to have lost it with DD for this impatience.

97 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 15/05/2011 17:50

DD is almost 14

i let her for the first time ever go shopping on her own to a large shopping centre with a friend to buy some clothes
she wanted a pair if Toms
she has bought a pair that are clearly clearly far too small and then in her impatience she has worn them in the shopping centre. they are now dirty and i wont be able to return them. they were £33. i am so angry with her, we have had a massive fall out, she wont come down to eat dinner and ive ended up telling her she can go hungry for the night since her dinner is now in the dog.

i know there is nothing to be gained now, but i am angry with her for not even trying a bigger pair on and then for being so impatient she couldnt wait until she got home to wear them.

aibu in my anger? i know its pointless being angry but its such a waste of money, and im not made of it. she begged for money for some clothes on top of her allowance, because she is going on a school trip to Paris. i couldnt really afford it but i gave her the money anyway.

OP posts:

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BootyMum · 15/05/2011 18:18

I think you should flog the shoes on ebay. Then DD can choose a new pair of shoes with the money made by selling them, supplementing this with her allowance if she still must have the Toms brand. Her choice.
That will teach her the consequences of her impulsiveness and that money doesn't just grow on trees for these things we want.
Good life lesson in this situation imo!

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heliumballoons · 15/05/2011 18:19

Is she normally a size 6? or is she a 7?

I remember when I started to become a 6/7 shoe size and felt really self conscious as for a woman thats considered quite large. I was about 17 though as went through growth spurt late. I'm now 5"7 and a 6/7 depending on shoes and where bought and width as I have high instep.

YANBU to be cross as its a waste of money, but I would have thought the buying and then wearing was pretty normal - especially at this age? And tbh she isn't helping herself in the proving she's mature stakes by sulking in her room.

I would talk to her and give her another chance (obv in the future - not suggesting tomorrow!) on the agreement anything she buys is bought home for your approval - if she fails then no more cash -cow mum.

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TattyDevine · 15/05/2011 18:24

I dont reckon it would work Eyore. She might not have even asked to be fitted. She might have just said "can I have these in a 6" and rammed them on as she left the shop.

And I'm sure in the circumstances of them being the wrong size the store would be more than happy to exchange or refund as long as she hadn't worn them. But they'd just say "well why did she wear them?"

They cant re-sell them so they are not under any obligation to take them back. You could always ring consumer direct and run the scenario by them and see if there is some contractual fault but I very very much doubt it.

I really think its a valuable lesson. Obviously its up to the OP whether or not she lets her DD feel the full force of that valuable lesson, whether its missing out, having to sell them and make up the difference, or wear them round the streets of Paris until her feet are a jellied mess. But if nothing else, I reckon she'd be more careful next time...

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youmeatsix · 15/05/2011 18:25

used ones have fetched between £20-£25 ladies size 6 yesterday on ebay
may be worth listing

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fairtradefloozy · 15/05/2011 18:25

We live and learn, I think she has just done some learning about boundaries ... YANBU to be angry. She goes without now, me thinks. And if you can sell them on to recoup your loss, so much the better. /But if they are too small, please don't let her wear them - everyones life is too short for shoes that hurt in the name of fashion (unless fab Manolos or similar )

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NoCarbsBeforeMarbs · 15/05/2011 18:27

They are American sizing- you have to buy a size up in them according to Office.

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pink4ever · 15/05/2011 18:28

Let her wear them-if she managed to walk all that way in them then they are obviously not crippling her.Tbh I am more [shocked] that you would give a 14 year old that amount of money unsupervised without strict instructions on what to spend it on.

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GnomeDePlume · 15/05/2011 18:29

I guess the sobbing is self-pity rather than remorse (I'm hard!).

Get them off her, clean the soles and get them on ebay. You will probably get a few pounds back. Net that off against your DD's allowance but perhaps you could spread it over a few months.

Perhaps a bit later this evening tell your daughter she can make herself a sandwich if she is hungry. Sit down with her and explain what you will be doing and make clear that she has behaved foolishly and that you are disappointed in her behaviour.

If it makes you feel any better DD1 managed to close her laptop with a pen in the hinge. Apart from that she had managed to bugger the battery and damage the power cable. I have reserved the right every now and then to get really annoyed about it and to rant at DD1 about her carelessness. To be fair she takes it in good heart.

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RobF · 15/05/2011 18:29

I can't believe they cost £33. They look like something they sell on the market for a fiver.

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MilkNoSugarPlease · 15/05/2011 18:30

I used to cram my feet into to small shoes just because I liked them.....my toes are now dodgy and my toenails curve upwards, they hurt and ate ugly ....have no doubt its due to my stupidity with shoes!

If I sent you a picture of my feet, she won't cram them in agaib!

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MilkNoSugarPlease · 15/05/2011 18:31

I used to cram my feet into to small shoes just because I liked them.....my toes are now dodgy and my toenails curve upwards, they hurt and ate ugly ....have no doubt its due to my stupidity with shoes!

If I sent you a picture of my feet, she won't cram them in agaib!

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NoCarbsBeforeMarbs · 15/05/2011 18:31

It looks like I've made the sizing thing up- can't find where I read it! Definitely did though

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DontCallMePeanut · 15/05/2011 18:32

They look more like slippers...

Is that seriously modern fashion?

Oh my... I sound ollllld!

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youmeatsix · 15/05/2011 18:33

isnt these the ones that they send a pair to a needy child for every pair bought???

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Goblinchild · 15/05/2011 18:34

They look more comfortable than some of the ridiculous heels I see 13 year olds tottering around in with their toes all squashed up.
If they are the right size that is.

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Beamur · 15/05/2011 18:35

I think she'll have learnt a lesson from this she won't forget in a hurry!
I'd try and sell them, but unless she actually needs some new shoes I'd make her go without for a little while and would not let her go shoe shopping without you until she has grown up a bit.

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pink4ever · 15/05/2011 18:35

Just had a look at the website and I cant believe any self respecting teenager would be seen dead in such fugly shoes!. I certainly havent seen any young uns round here wearing them. Op-did you know what these shoes were when you sent her off with so much money?. She could have got virtually the same thing in primark for £2!.

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NoCarbsBeforeMarbs · 15/05/2011 18:35

Aha!
"Sizing:
Please be aware TOMS come in US sizes only. If you order a size 4 shown in the size selection we will send you a UK size 3. Order one size up than what you require. "

So although your DD should have tried them on, it's not entirely her fault.

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perplexedpirate · 15/05/2011 18:35

Has nobody else ever done this?
I do this every now and then, it's human nature.
She got excited about getting something she really wanted and it skewed her judgement. I'd let her keep the shoes and if they really are far too small it might teach her a lesson about being less impetuous, but it's never worked for me or any of my bunion-sporting friends so I wouldn't hold your breath.

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diddl · 15/05/2011 18:35

I like the look of them-but for me it would depend on what the sole was like.

I wouldn´t pay that much though!

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TattyDevine · 15/05/2011 18:37

Lol Youmeatsix that'd explain the 50% mark up

They look like my grandad's slippers

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BingRugmole · 15/05/2011 18:37

Could you not try one of those shoe-stretcher contraption things?

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bigbutton · 15/05/2011 18:40

YANBU, it was silly of her to put them straight on but... as heliumballoons said, could it possibly be a case of her worrying about her feet growing? I was a size 7 at her age, and hated having such "big" feet (if I'd know I'd eventually be a size 9, size 7 might not have seemed so terrible but, as a teenage girl, it was clearly a huge drama )

It doesn't excuse anything, just might be worth keeping an eye on. If she keeps trying to squeeze her feet into tight shoes, she'll probably end up regretting it.

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ThatVikRinA22 · 15/05/2011 18:40

NoCarbs - that explains it then. they are about a size too small, she is normally a uk size 6.

She told me what she was buying, but i just trusted her to buy the right size. she also came home with a cardigan from new look that she hasnt even looked at....its got a mesh back, she wants to take that back now. im just so cross that it just looks like she has rammed anything into a basket without seemingly trying any of it on. luckily the rest of her purchases fit, but i have made it quite clear that that will be the last shopping trip alone until i can trust her to buy sensibly and get things that are suitable and fit.

she is still in teen strop mode. i have scrubbed the soles with Oxy....ill see what they dry like. they were not filthy but i am sure they will probably not be fit for return, though i may still try that first. if they refuse they can go on ebay, and if she wants more she can make up the difference.

i was at work today, or id have gone with her, plus she really wanted to do this alone - i think she felt all grown up. not enough though to be let loose with cash obviously!

OP posts:

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diddl · 15/05/2011 18:41

"So although your DD should have tried them on, it's not entirely her fault."

Do people really buy shoes without trying them on?

OP-did she try them on first?

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