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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say no to my neigbours request?

69 replies

2littlegreenmonkeys · 15/05/2011 09:49

I am gonna try and keep this short.

My next door but one neighbour has asked that once my DD1 starts nursery at the local school (tomorrow eeeek, as we have had to give notice at the private nursery she went to) that when he send his DD there can I drop off and pick her up.

I have said no for many reasons;
One, being I do not want to be tied down with or the responsibility someone his DD.
Two, I wont always be coming straight home after picking DD1 up from nursery.
Three, his DD is VERY hard work and has to be watched to make sure she doesn't hurt DD2 which she seems to do A LOT if I ever help him out.
Four, he ever reciprocates (not that I would ever ask him though, but that is beside the point)
Five, His DD's mother (he has full custody and her mother has supervised access with him present) is a fucking nutter and I know if she saw me with her DD, would kick off big style. I do not want that hassle, I do not what my DD's to see that and I don't think her DD would like to see it either.
Six, he doesn't work and has said himself that he has no other commitments apart from his DD, his dog and the house, so I don't see why he cant do it.

I am sure I will remember more reasons later Grin

I understand that I will be going to and from the nursery anyway, but I don't want to be held in a 'contract' as it were to take and collect his DD.

I haven't told him any of the above reasons as he can be a bit of a loose cannon if he does not get his own way. I have unfortunately been on the receiving end of this before when I told him I couldn't babysit his DD while he made an important telephone call Hmm as I had my Nana for the afternoon and as nana has dementia I have to keep an eye on her and the DD's quite closely. He kept saying that it was only an hour!
There are many similar stories to this one as well, but I fear I have already gone on wayyyyyyy too long.

AIBU?

OP posts:
EldonAve · 15/05/2011 09:50

YANBU
you don't need to give any reasons to him or anyone
just say no

alphamummy · 15/05/2011 09:51

NO is a complete sentance. You dont need to explain yourself in anyway.

He is being a lazy arse.

YANBU

InAStateOfReflux · 15/05/2011 09:52

No YANBU, just state all the reasons above, but perhaps a bit more diplomatically, and say no.

I would understand it if he had work commtiments, but the lazy fecker can go himself! Grin

Zimm · 15/05/2011 09:52

No you are not BU. He doesn't work? What is he rational for not doing it himself? Sounds like a lazy freeloader.

AllDirections · 15/05/2011 09:52

YANBU, his DD is not your responsibility. He can ask but he should accept it when you say no.

And don't get me started on people who want you to run around after them all the time when they don't work!!

Cattleprod · 15/05/2011 09:52

yanbu. You might be if it was just a one-off if he couldn't collect her one day, but to expect you to do it every day is just ridiculous. Unless he's planning on paying you, of course.....

Original poster
2littlegreenmonkeys · 15/05/2011 09:52

Thanks Grin
I did say no to him yesterday when he asked and he asked why and I just kept saying because I cant be tied down to the responsibility of someone else's child. He was not very happy at all and walked away muttering to himself Hmm

OP posts:
BeerTricksPotter · 15/05/2011 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl · 15/05/2011 09:52

It sounds as if there are plenty of reasons to say no.

You don´t need a reason, other than you don´t want to!

It´s something I´d only do in an emergency, tbh-or once a week if the children enjoyed playing together.

BeerTricksPotter · 15/05/2011 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
2littlegreenmonkeys · 15/05/2011 09:53

I don't mind helping out in an emergency but I have not told him that (I am probably BU there) but I can see a lot of things suddenly becoming emergencies with him IYSWIM.

OP posts:
JulesJules · 15/05/2011 09:53

Of course YANBU.

I think really the issue is what reasons you give, if any. TBH, I think I would just say no and not give any reasons as otherwise you may be drawn into having to justify why you won't. Which would be ridiculous.

Just say no.

WereOffToSeeTheWizard · 15/05/2011 09:54

Wow no def nbu.
As a one off every now and again, ok, but every morning and afternoon he is trying to take the piss !
What did you say when he asked you and did you ask him why he couldn't take his dd?

AbigailS · 15/05/2011 09:55

YANBU. And you are right not to mention you will help out in an emergency either. He sounds the sort that would have daily "emergencies" just to get his own way and get you to collect his DC!

ScarletOHaHa · 15/05/2011 09:56

Lazy article - just say no. You don't have to give any reason. His childcare issues are not your problem. I would never ask for such a massive favour.

JulesJules · 15/05/2011 09:57

Do NOT tell him you can help out in an emergency!

iscream · 15/05/2011 09:57

YANBU. Absolutely no obligation to say yes to this unreasonable request.
I would just say no, it wouldn't be convenient.

Honeybee79 · 15/05/2011 09:57

YANBU!

My God, if he doesn't work and has no other commitments then why the fuck can't he do it??! Christ on a bike, some people.

Original poster
2littlegreenmonkeys · 15/05/2011 09:58

When he asked I just said I cant as I don't want the responsibility, as I never know where I am going afterwards, if I am coming right back home or not.
He just walked away muttering, I didn't actually ask him why he couldn't do it. He probably just thought that as I will be doing those times anayway that it would be okay.

Plus I have just thought that occasionally i will have to arrange someone else to drop off and pick her up so I can still go to any appointments etc. Also next week DD is having her boosters at 3pm so I will have to collect ehr early then anyway.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 15/05/2011 09:58

I agree with the rest. YANBU-just say no and there is no reason to justify it.

ballstoit · 15/05/2011 09:58

YADNBU...he is very cheeky and pretty rude. He asked why? Erm, you do not have to explain yourself to him. Just keep saying no and he will take the hint. Give him a few days once they start nursery and he'll latch on to someone else.

diddl · 15/05/2011 09:59

I agree that if you said you would help in an emergency he would take the piss & invent them!

He sounds absolutely lazy tbh-how does he manage from day to day?

clam · 15/05/2011 09:59

Run away!!!! Don't get involved! Say "NO! Sorry, but that's not going to work for me" and repeat ad nauseam.

ballstoit · 15/05/2011 10:00

2littlegreenmonkeys - stop justifying your decision. Not wanting to do it is reason enough!

ScarletOHaHa · 15/05/2011 10:00

would he be prepared to take your DD each and every day?