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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to say no to my neigbours request?

69 replies

2littlegreenmonkeys · 15/05/2011 09:49

I am gonna try and keep this short.

My next door but one neighbour has asked that once my DD1 starts nursery at the local school (tomorrow eeeek, as we have had to give notice at the private nursery she went to) that when he send his DD there can I drop off and pick her up.

I have said no for many reasons;
One, being I do not want to be tied down with or the responsibility someone his DD.
Two, I wont always be coming straight home after picking DD1 up from nursery.
Three, his DD is VERY hard work and has to be watched to make sure she doesn't hurt DD2 which she seems to do A LOT if I ever help him out.
Four, he ever reciprocates (not that I would ever ask him though, but that is beside the point)
Five, His DD's mother (he has full custody and her mother has supervised access with him present) is a fucking nutter and I know if she saw me with her DD, would kick off big style. I do not want that hassle, I do not what my DD's to see that and I don't think her DD would like to see it either.
Six, he doesn't work and has said himself that he has no other commitments apart from his DD, his dog and the house, so I don't see why he cant do it.

I am sure I will remember more reasons later

I understand that I will be going to and from the nursery anyway, but I don't want to be held in a 'contract' as it were to take and collect his DD.

I haven't told him any of the above reasons as he can be a bit of a loose cannon if he does not get his own way. I have unfortunately been on the receiving end of this before when I told him I couldn't babysit his DD while he made an important telephone call as I had my Nana for the afternoon and as nana has dementia I have to keep an eye on her and the DD's quite closely. He kept saying that it was only an hour!
There are many similar stories to this one as well, but I fear I have already gone on wayyyyyyy too long.

AIBU?

OP posts:

WolfShapedBullet · 15/05/2011 10:39

Good for you in saying no, don't give him an inch.
YA so NBU.

ShoutyHamster · 15/05/2011 10:40

I think you're right.

What a cheeky entitled lazy sod.

I'd piss him off enough for him to let me alone in future tbh.

'Why? How come you're too busy every morning to do it? I thought you didn't work-? (Laugh) D'you know, the number of times you ask me to do your jobs for you, you'd think you thought it was woman's work or something. You know, looking after your own kid!'

melikalikimaka · 15/05/2011 10:43

Hear, hear, he is a lazy bastard, don't feel you need to explain yourself like a child in front of the headmaster.

It's your life, just say NO.

millie30 · 15/05/2011 10:44

YANBU! My friend has a neighbour who just sends her DD out when she sees my friend leaving for the school run, without ever asking if it was ok, and so my friend feels obliged to let her walk with her. One day the neighbours DD did not come out to join them so my friend carried on, and was met on the way home to the neighbour now rushing down the road and giving my friend a mouthful of abuse that she'd had to get dressed and her DD was going to be late! Some people just think everyone else owes them a favour.

ChaoticAngelQueenofAnarchy · 15/05/2011 10:52

I'd be tempted to ask him why he went for custody if he didn't want to parent his own child

Original poster

2littlegreenmonkeys · 15/05/2011 10:58

Some more very good points thank you.

How he tells it (and I do only have his side of the story, although I do know what the mother is like and have seen her in action) He and his DD's mother split up and she moved out with their DD. SS removed his DD from the care of her mother and it has now been through the court system where he was granted custody and her mother was granted supervised access. He has told me that while they are waiting for the arrangements for an access centre that he supervises the contact at his home.

OP posts:

melikalikimaka · 15/05/2011 11:03

I'm sorry but you sound as if you have been sucked into his life, if I were you, I would gently back away when he approaches you in the future.

But I would still say NO.

greenlime · 15/05/2011 11:05

YANBU.

Total freeloader with a shocking sense of entitlement. I really feel for you because I know someone like this. At first, I just thought she was friendly and I didn't mind helping her out of a difficult situation (which as it turns out was not difficult). She calls me 2 or 3 times a week with requests to look after her children and it is so embarrassing. I have started saying no to everything because there seems to be no middle ground. She treats me as an unpaid nanny.

Do not agree and watch out!

QuackQuackBoing · 15/05/2011 11:08

What a cheeky fucker! Just keep saying "no I can't do it" you don't need to give anymore reason then that. If I were you I wouldn't babysit for him at all as he obviously takes the piss. It sounds like he's bullying you into it really. Distance yourself from him and just keep saying no. You don't have to give reasons as then that gives himsomething to argue with you about. Just say "no I can't do it" over and over again.

springydaffs · 15/05/2011 11:09

Mind you, I'd be a raving nutter if I lost custody of my kids, and a loser like this had custody.

of course YANBU. He's not even offering to share the load ie you do a day/half week, he does the other.

completely at the woman who berated her neighbour because she had to get dressed and take her own child to school!! some people are unbelievable [shakes head]

Original poster

2littlegreenmonkeys · 15/05/2011 11:13

Springy, it is sad but the mother ATM cannot look after herself very well let along her DD, so I think this arrangement was the only one before removing the little girl completely IYSWIM. Her mum needs to get herself back on track and her priorities sorted before she can look after her DD effectively again. This is my own personal opinion BTW, she has been offered lots of help and wont take it as she is not ready to get better yet I don't think.

I do feel sorry for his DD, she doesn't seem to have much of a life and it makes me sad but I cannot take that on, I have my DD's to think about and they are my priority.

OP posts:

GiddyPickle · 15/05/2011 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

springydaffs · 15/05/2011 11:22

I agree that you can't take that on, sad though the whole situation is. You've already supported them quite a lot by the sound of it.

Longtalljosie · 15/05/2011 11:26

Perhaps he's unaware of how these things are usually done? If he's having difficulty balancing work and childcare commitments, you could point out to him that childminders do school pickups?

Original poster

2littlegreenmonkeys · 15/05/2011 11:31

longtalljosie, he doesn't work, but I think I will tell him to arrange a childminder to do drop offs and pick ups if he asks me again, might make him think twice about asking me next time.

OP posts:

Pictish · 15/05/2011 11:55

You are absolutely NOT BU!
This guy can't be arsed and reckons you can do his job for him.
I certainly could not be bothered to have responsibility of taking someone else's kid to and from nursery every day...what a bind. Particularly when there is nothing stopping the parent in question doing it himself!!

What you said was reasonable and fine... if he wants to take the huff, bloody let him. Lazy bastard.

gillybean2 · 15/05/2011 12:12

Just be aware that he is likely to do what a previous poster mentions. ie see you about to leave with your dd and send her out to walk with you. Or pop out with her and make some excuse that he needs to rush off and you don't mind taking her do you which is hard to arue when you are already on the way and you have two children there to witness it.

Coming home is a bit easier to avoid, but I bet he finds some kind of way to get you doing the to school bit a lot on occassion.
Be ready to leave at different times or have to pop back home as you've forgotten something or to take a detour to the post office or say you're going to the doctors on the way or you only dropping her to your friend who is taking her or somethign if he comes out or sends her out expecting to walk with you.

SparklyCloud · 15/05/2011 12:14

millie30 what an absolute cheek of your friends neighbour! Are these people deranged? What on earth makes people who are that cheeky, believe they are right when they so clearly are not?

RunAwayWife · 15/05/2011 12:25

YANBU at all

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