To think about leaving my 15 year old home alone?

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DD1 is 15 later this year and I want to take DD2 away for 2 nights on her own. DD3 will be staying with friends but DD1 doesn't want to.

It would be at the weekend so no school to think about and I would obviously leave her food and money. My friend (who is having DD3) and my next door neighbour would both be around if she needed anything. DD1 is very self sufficient, mature and responsible. In reality she would probably have her friend sleep over and the friend's parents would be checking up on them. I would only be 2-3 hours away.

Last year I took both DD1 and DD3 away for a couple of days on their own and DD2 is asking when I can take her away. I want to take her but is leaving DD1 alone at home a sensible option?

I wouldn't. That is I wouldn't do it if I had the choice over again - (voice of bitter experience). Even if I thought I could trust dd, I couldn't control what her friends put on facebook - nothing for them to lose by posting "hey, party at X's house on friday".

I know that by 16 they can leave home and live on their own, but then that is in their own house with only their own possesions at risk, not in my home with my possessions and livelihood (home office). I didn't care about the wrecked doors, I didn't care about the deep gouges out of the plasterwork, and I didn't care that a couple of books had been destroyed. But I did care about someone shagging in my bed, and I did care a LOT that my pc etc were at risk, and I did care a lot that the books got destroyed because a lamp fell on them, and no-one noticed under they were smouldering....

Fwiw, dd was frightened out of her mind, she had no idea that it would get so out of control, that people would turn up that she didn't know, and that people's behaviour would be so out of control.

I know what you meant Maryz

we very much agree i think.

I am just venting because this irrites me. ignore me

Pag, does your DS still go on holiday with you?

I felt heartened when my friend told me her DS (also 16) is still wanting to go on holiday with them this summer but she thinks it might be the last one.

My M&D left me and big sis (aged 14/15 and 16/17 as I recall) alone for a few nights a long time ago (we are talking late seventies).

We were both fairly responsible and intelligent teenagers, we smoked a few spliffs and drank a few beers. No party and we didn't wreck the house.

(My parents would have been mortified had they known)

venusandmars, a very scary post.

My post was flippant to the extreme in contrast to yours, what a horrible experience

Bigtill ds 1 at almost 17 still comes on some holidays with us and even days out mind depending where and what

November of to Centre parcs asked him if he wanted to come he was like oh yes please .and he camp a weekend in the summer with us but we just had a night away and went to zoo and he stayed home as did ds2 age 14 .I came home to house still standing and even more of shock they had manged wake up and gone of to collage and school .No mean feat as ds1 likes his sleep

well mine arent teens yet, my eldest is 11, BUT if I ALLOWED him to go to a party at a house where i knew the parents were away etc and there was an accident then on my head be it, I am the parent of MY child and if i allow him out and something happens then its my responsiblity. i am not going to not leave my kids on their own (when old enough) for fear that someone else's little dear will come round and hurt themselves!

and maryz we have a trampoline in our back garden, we thought about putting it out the front BUT our front garden seems to be where ALL the kids in the cul de sac play, this is fine, most of the time! but we decided having the trampoline out the front would be too much of a risk, well not so much a risk, just that i would FOREVER be spending my time policing how many kids were on it etc etc and i couldnt be bothered with the hastle.

however when the boys have friends round they do go out the back and play on the trampoline, i implement sensible rules and if they are pratting around then i tell them to get off, i certainly wouldnt expect any of the parents of my kids friends to threaten to sue if they had an accident, thats riddiculous!

I would very much confirm that she will not tell her friends or post the information on facebook, but it sounds reasonable to leave her alone if she is responsible and happy with the situation.

I think we sometimes forget how children used to live. My grandmother left school at 14 to go into service in a big house which was a live in position. A hundred years ago it was quite normal for 14 and 15 year olds to "jump ship" and go to sea. You could join the army and be sent to train at 16. If you watch Comic Relief, there are sad stories about orphaned 12 and 13 year olds who are heads of the household in charge of bringing up siblings. Obviously, that's not ideal at all, and I'm glad that we live in a country where orphaned families would be looked after, and most people stay on at school for a decent education, but we should bear this in mind. Kids in general can and do cope in these situations. It's not the end of the world if they stay home alone for a couple of days.

DD is 15 and pretty sensible and responsible and I have no qualms at all about leaving her at home alone all day during the school holidays while I am at work. Or for a few hours in the early evening id I have to go out and shop or something. But I wouldn't leave her alone overnight.

I remember when I was about that age my parents had to go away overnight to a family funeral. I was allowed to stay at home alone during the day and cook for myself and so on, but they arranged for me to go round and sleep at my Aunties who lived nearby.

I will probably feel differently when she is 17!

What I don't understand is when my best friend was working with young adults and she had a young lad of 16 used to come to her placement, he had just been orphaned and had a younger brother of 14 and best friend tryed to get them help as they where living in rented house with no means to pay rent, SS were not interested as the one boy was 16 and supposed to look after the younger boy and they refused point blank aid of any kind. Of course the 16 year old used to go out and leave the 14 year old and not worry about school to much etc

yet... leave your 14 year old home alone and thats wrong in the eyes of SS

How come its ok for the government to leave two young lads to fend for themselves day in and day out but if parents leave their off sring for a couple of nights away and the off spring are sensible young people - its not allowed and creul or wrong

Fabby - you are the reason why I posted on another thread about having to train your DH!

17 is an age where they should take responsability for themselves (of course, with their parents for back up). I have ensured that my 16 year old is able to cook for himself, vacuum, polish etc so he can look after himself (but also so any future DIL will love me for bringing him up correctly!!!)

it does sound like your DD is sensible - but I have had 2 friends leave sensible teenagers over night and it went very wrong - it's not even their friends you have to worry about - it's the F of friends who invite themselves along en masse. I haven't left mine for that reason - and they've seen it happen so understand totally.

Have you got a family member or adult friend who could stay a couple of night?

my ds ended up home alone during last years flight ban with the volcano. All was fine and he enjoyed total control of tv and fridge. No parties, 2 trusted friends visited. He invoked house rules better than when I'm home. He had to clock in with friends parents and knew they were there as backup. No frying allowed either.

If you're sure she's up for it and have confidence she will act on yr instructions then yes. All kids are different only you know yr dd.

My ds was then 15

I wasn't going to post, but will now just to balance FabbyChic who says 17 is too young and that leaving a 15yo is shameful

Fabby I started work at 15 in a job I got myself. 6 months later I had a bedsit that I also found myself. If your 17yo still can't manage you've been doing it wrong.

If you never let them be responsible they can never learn.

At 15 my eldest went to Reading Festival without me. My 16yo travels for work (she's away for 4 or 5 days at a time) & went on holiday to Cyprus with a friend when she was 15. Friends parents were also there, but stayed in a hotel while the girls had a flat. Leaving a 15yo for a couple of nights with backup if needed sounds fine.

At 15 my eldest went to Reading Festival without me. My 16yo travels for work (she's away for 4 or 5 days at a time) & went on holiday to Cyprus with a friend when she was 15. Friends parents were also there, but stayed in a hotel while the girls had a flat. Leaving a 15yo for a couple of nights with backup if needed sounds fine.

Ah I love these threads.

Don't do it, they will have a party, every teen would.
It's neglectful.
Why would you WANT to leave them.
Ill call SS.

BINGO

This is why so many young 'adults' arrive at uni at 18 with zero life skills, because they haven't been able to develop them in a gradual and controlled way.

Leaving your 15 year old, sensible teen, will probably be ok. They might love it. I loved being left for a night or two; TV, pizza, no one asking if you'd done your homework. It is good to develop a bit of resilience to being alone too.

Just make sure they know how to contact you, how to contact a nearby neighbour/friend/relative. Which a 15 year old bloody should know how to do.

I wouldn't as the first thing she will do is have a party. That's exactly what I did at 15. I only invited a few friends but things quickly got out of control and this was before the advent of social networking.