To think about leaving my 15 year old home alone?

[AllDirections]

DD1 is 15 later this year and I want to take DD2 away for 2 nights on her own. DD3 will be staying with friends but DD1 doesn't want to.

It would be at the weekend so no school to think about and I would obviously leave her food and money. My friend (who is having DD3) and my next door neighbour would both be around if she needed anything. DD1 is very self sufficient, mature and responsible. In reality she would probably have her friend sleep over and the friend's parents would be checking up on them. I would only be 2-3 hours away.

Last year I took both DD1 and DD3 away for a couple of days on their own and DD2 is asking when I can take her away. I want to take her but is leaving DD1 alone at home a sensible option?

[mumblechum1]

I'd have no issue with this. Left ds alone for a long w/e last yr when he was 15 and he was fine - his best friend's mum was there if needed (and he went there for a bbq one day). Nothing happened and he enjoyed himself. Couple of months later he travelled alone to west coast USA, met up with a friend, they went wild camping in th Rockies. After that I have no concerns at all, he's more than capable of survival now he's dodged grizzly bears and had to fish for his supper!

I think we baby chilren far too much these days tbh. A 15 yr old is a young adult and willl be more than capable of cooking their own meals, ordering taxis if they're going out etc. I'd be firm about not having parties though

[NeverSayPie]

If you can't leave a 15 year old home alone, you've got to wonder whats wrong with either you or them.

As for Fabby's 17 year old who can't be left, and accusations of neglect, thats just laughable. I had my own flat at 17, if you can't leave them at that age, you've fucked up your parenting somehwere along the way!

[Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern]

Fabby you seriously wouldn't have left a 17 year old alone? And the OP is not fucking off as you so nicely as ever put it, she is trying to spend some quality time with another child something she has already done with the 14 year old in question.

OP as you said 15 is a grey area and it depends on the child, I could have stayed at 15 but my sister couldn't have.

[meditrina]

Does a she have a boyfriend? You may need ground rules for that too.

[Pagwatch]

It isn't neglectful if you allow teenagers increasing amounts of independence, overseen and managed.

What wiuld be hugely neglectful in my opinion would be failing to encourage and support independence.

By your standard my still17 year old son would never have experienced a moment unsupervised . Then suddenly in a few months he would be packed up, sent to university where he would be expected to feed, clothe, manage himself with no support at all. How completely stupid.

And your 'he didn't ask to be born' comment seeks to equate helping children learn independent skills with emotional indifference which is childish and mawkish.
Independence, self help, personal resources are sadly lacking in some young people.
Treating young people like incompetent twits when they are shortly to fend for themselves is not a gift

[FabbyChic]

Ive been away since my son was 16 and always made sure that someone is with him. He can't use a cooker so how else is he supposed to eat?

He is now 18 and I would leave him, not before though. And she is fucking off and leaving a child, 15 is a child.

I don't care her reasons for wanting to go away, it is neglectful.

[worraliberty]

Fabby does your son have SN? Genuine question by the way.

17 is very old to not be left alone considering he could move out and marry at 16.

[IloveJudgeJudy]

Fabby, why can't your 18 yo DS use a cooker? That's very neglectful of you, isn't it? You haven't been doing your parental duty. You're meant to prepare your DC for the world and you haven't done that.

The OP is not f*ing off. She's going away and will probably, like most people, ask friends to keep an eye out as it will be the first time.

So, Fabby, what does your DS know now that he didn't know when he was 17? What have you taught him? Obviously not how to use a cooker.

[Pagwatch]

Why can he not use a cooker fabby? Genuine question.

[TattyDevine]

Oh Fabby you are pure gold-plated.

Regarding leaving a 15 year old, I've no doubt a sensible 15 year old would probably be fine in terms of safety and sensibility HOWEVER she might be scared. That might sound silly but I just remember when I was actually 20 years old I house-sat for a friend of the family who were away for 2 weeks. I was absolutely petrified at night time. I know it sounds silly. I lived in a big city so there was crime etc, but the house was perfectly secure so I was paranoid. It was the first time I'd been "alone" before, so even if you've moved out of home, you may not have actually been home alone all night etc even at that age. I suppose what i'm saying is its not necessarily to do with age but the first time you are left alone all night it can be daunting.

I actually slept with a knife under my pillow, which was ridiculous really but it made me feel safer.

I was really looking forward to doing the house sitting as well so I didn't anticipate at all that I would feel that way. It was a complete surprise to me! I wasn't a particularly timid or "scared" person either - so it was out of character for me so possibly not that unusual?

Probably just me being silly but I thought I'd mention it in case you hadn't considered it or she hadn't.

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

When I was left alone around that age I had some epic house parties. but I was a brat so try not to let this post worry you. It's only 2 days your DD will be fine. Just tell her you have asked people to come round and check on her.

[worraliberty]

I think unless there are any SN, a child should know basic life skills by the age of 14. That would include washing up, cooking basic meals, using the washing machine and ironing.

Obviously I'm not saying they should be running the household or doing all that for the rest of the family, as they should be enjoying their childhood..but they should know these basic skills like they know how to read, write and add up.

[Morloth]

I went to schoolies on the gold coast when I was 17.

I could use a cooker though, didn't but could.

I drove there as well, with a car full of girlfriends, the whole 13 hours...

[Vallhala]

Fabby, really?

You wouldn't leave your 17 year old son overnight?

[TrillianAstra]

If your 17 year old cannot use a cooker then you are the one who is neglectful in not having taught him how by that point.

UTGSN of course.

[TattyDevine]

I went to schoolies too Morloth

You must have had a quiet time if you were only 17 though

[Vallhala]

I just had to Google "Schoolies".

I now feel old and thank god my DD is only approaching an expensive Prom night! :o

[TheHumanCatapult]

fabby unless there is a good reason that your 17yo can not use a cooker or be left alone

Then I would point out you spouting neglect to others is a moot point .!7 he could move out tomorrow and not a dam thing you could do about it and he would learn the hard way .

Ds 17 next week is going to Glastonbury with out me camping for 3 night and have left him at home for couple of night before hand anyway he can use a cooker , washer and clean up oh and he has even watched the younger two overnight due to emergency and no one getting to house till later .

So that included getting them up feeding then making sure they are dressed and getting ds3 in school taxu ( has sn ) and then taking dd to school before taking self to collage .

Oh nd do not bother shouting neglect when i talke dto disablity sw she was like np he can look ate rthem for whole week if needs perfectley legal and thats with ds3 having sn ( he did not becuase i felt be to much but he could of and would of coped

[MrsPlesWearsAFez]

I spent a week home alone at 16. No parties or problems, but one of the other posts has reminded me that I did find the first few nights home alone a little frightening.

I don't see that this should be a problem if your d is trustworthy and reliable. My sister, for example, would have gotten into all sorts of trouble if she'd had an empty house for a week at the same age.

[TheHumanCatapult]

thats 17 not 7 and I do notice you like to pop all over the place and argue all the time

[Pagwatch]

Ds1 is 17. In a few weeks he is flying to Spain to open up our home in Spain for a group of his friends who will stay there 10 days, cooking and generally looking after themselves.
Then a few weeks later he and some friends are flying to Germany with their bikes and cycling through to Venice to raise money for help for Herod. They are unaccompanied and have raised the funds, booked the tickets, organised stop overs etc all on their own.

It staggers me that anyone thinks a 17 year old without sn cannot be independent.

[Pagwatch]

no, not help for herod. He is surely beyond help.
Help for heros

[Bonsoir]

I think 15 is young for this - she might get sad and lonely.

[TheHumanCatapult]

maryz

That is a differnt case full stop