To think about leaving my 15 year old home alone?

[AllDirections]

DD1 is 15 later this year and I want to take DD2 away for 2 nights on her own. DD3 will be staying with friends but DD1 doesn't want to.

It would be at the weekend so no school to think about and I would obviously leave her food and money. My friend (who is having DD3) and my next door neighbour would both be around if she needed anything. DD1 is very self sufficient, mature and responsible. In reality she would probably have her friend sleep over and the friend's parents would be checking up on them. I would only be 2-3 hours away.

Last year I took both DD1 and DD3 away for a couple of days on their own and DD2 is asking when I can take her away. I want to take her but is leaving DD1 alone at home a sensible option?

[mumblechum1]

When we left ds home alone last yr (at 15) I called his friend's house as couldn't get an answer at ours. The dad said, hang on a minute, the smoke is clearing over the rubble now, I'll pop down and see if he's still alive .

He and his friend did raid the drinks cabinet and drank the violently coloured cocktail stuff which had been gathering dust for years, but meh, they survived.

[Gooseberrybushes]

It seems ok to me. Depends on the child, surely. But they ought to be ready for it. To be 17 and incapable of being left for one night is wrong wrong wrong.

[Gooseberrybushes]

at mumblechum

what a splendid dad!

[TattyDevine]

In about 10 years time, Fabby's son will get married and have children and some poor sap of a woman will be on here starting a catalogue of "my husband can't even boil an egg or work the washing machine" threads with a few "My mother in law is an absolute friggin nightmare" threads thrown in to boot.

Can't wait

[worraliberty]

Lol @ Tatty

One thing I will say about Fabby though. She does say some contraversial things, but at least she has the bollocks to say it without a name change.

Other than that, I stand by the fact a 17yr old without SN (if that's the case) should have learnt basic life skills years ago.

[fairydoll]

Absolutely NOT ok under 16.It is neglect, if anything happened you would be in serious trouble.

[TwoIfBySea]

People need to remember that at 16 your child could easily leave home and have to cope themselves. Many join the army at that age or go away to university at 18.

I flat-shared from 18.

If we continually molly-coddle them then they will never learn the skills needed to be able to look after themselves. At 14 I think it is fine, have the neighbour pop in to check and make sure dd knows that neighbour will be doing so - that'll curb the party urge! It is good to be given responsibility at that age, good for both her confidence and her growth as her own person. OP, you are making arrangements for her safety so obviously aren't just leaving her to it! It is good to have one on one time with your other dd and good for your older dd to know you trust her.

If at 17 I felt I couldn't leave either of my dts alone I'd seriously have failed as a mother. At that age they are on the cusp of independence, you need to cut those apron strings before they strangle both of you!

[fairydoll]

No happened in our village .Result- £70k of damage to parents posh house and cars and insurance wouldn't pay out because damage done by invited guests.

[Georgimama]

I'd have been perfectly capable of looking after myself for a couple of nights at that age. I definitely wouldn't have had a party but I would have had a 48 hour shagfest with my boyfriend.

Just saying.

[bigTillyMint]

You know your DD and if you think she's ready then I'm sure she'll be fine with all the support you have set up should she need it.

However, I don't think I was ever left home alone unsupervised over night before I went to uni aged almost 19. However, I was allowed plenty of freedom and self-responsibility. And I was absolutely fine fending for myself and living in a shared house from day 1.

I'm not sure how I would feel about DD being left on her own at 15 as she is not 12 yet - I can't imagine that far ahead yet!

[bigTillyMint]

mmm Georgiamama, I think I would have too!

[Pagwatch]

well we have left DS1 four of five times since he was 15.
always come home to a clean well ordered house.
he has had a party while we were away but I know because he asked.
it was fine.
his friends are nice. I expect they got a bit pissed but most of them are 18 now. he is one of the youngest but very sensible.

i am curious to know who I would be in serious trouble with as it isn't illegal?

[proudfoot]

A youngster of 15 should be capable of looking after herself for a few nights. I don't think it's unreasonable to leave her.

Agree with the above posts about not mollycoddling and I think FabbyChic is setting her son up for a rude shock when he eventually has to stand on his own two feet.

[TooManyBlossoms]

At 15 I'd left school and was working full time. I'm 33 so it's not that long ago in the grand scheme of things! The thought of having to be babysat over night is laughable. In fact my mum worked nights from when I was 14; as she was a single parent I was alone with my 10 year old sister - not ideal, but we were fine.

If you think that she'll cope, then get yourself off and have a great time.

[worraliberty]

fairydoll Sat 14-May-11 15:35:10
Absolutely NOT ok under 16.It is neglect, if anything happened you would be in serious trouble.


She would only be in serious trouble if she left the child in obvious danger

[Pagwatch]

thanks Maryz

but i guess i am asking what form that trouble would be?
i suspect the 'trouble' people are talking about is suing me.

i am not going to alter what i consider to be reasonable behaviour because some idiot may in the future chose to exploit guidelines to creat a false 'negligent' line in the sand.
i agree with you. if DS1 leaves the house it is my responsibility to know where he is going and expect him to behave reasonably - as he would here.

if he fell down the stairs at a friends house whilst at a party I would burn in hell before i would sue. but i suspect other people would in this 'it must be someone elses fault' cult.

that is why a group of loving parents get clacked out about whether their choice to leavetheir child at an age that they deem sensible, based on that childs understanding and ability is ok with THEM - you know, "they say you shouldn't do x. They say you shouldn't do y"

drives me batty

[TheHumanCatapult]

worra

yes but then you could say if dc at 15 fell down the stairs in teh day when you was at work be neglect if in teh same vein becuase theres kids that left alone all day becuase no way from the age of about 11/12 would they need ir should need childcare .Oh And i am not saying kids should not be alone all day from age 11 or 12 thatsparent choices ,ds 1 no problem 11 or 12 , ds erm few hrs not all day but now at 14 yes without thinking as he has grown up a lot

[TheHumanCatapult]

and meh if one of my kids had a accident then they had an accident .It is just one of those things and if done at a party ds be told well that will make you watch your booze intake next time .