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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think about leaving my 15 year old home alone?

139 replies

AllDirections · 14/05/2011 09:42

DD1 is 15 later this year and I want to take DD2 away for 2 nights on her own. DD3 will be staying with friends but DD1 doesn't want to.

It would be at the weekend so no school to think about and I would obviously leave her food and money. My friend (who is having DD3) and my next door neighbour would both be around if she needed anything. DD1 is very self sufficient, mature and responsible. In reality she would probably have her friend sleep over and the friend's parents would be checking up on them. I would only be 2-3 hours away.

Last year I took both DD1 and DD3 away for a couple of days on their own and DD2 is asking when I can take her away. I want to take her but is leaving DD1 alone at home a sensible option?

OP posts:
Maryz · 14/05/2011 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth · 14/05/2011 12:55

Yes yes of course, very quiet what with being underage and all that.

Not like I have three older sisters and we all look pretty much exactly the same or anything. Obviously, my next older sister did not in anyway give me her licence, actually I am not doing much to make the OP feel better about this am I?

We were pretty sensible, we booked motel rooms on the way up and back and split the driving and stayed in a pretty nice hotel (well comparatively) and no-one got stupidly pissed or shagged anyone inappropriate. Actually, I didn't shag anyone at all as I remember it. I think I had already met DH by then but we were not together.

oxocube · 14/05/2011 13:00

Fabby, hilarious! My 13 year old can cook pasta, soups, stir fries ALL on the cooker. My 15 year old makes a mean steak and blue cheese sandwich with french fries, also ............. using a cooker!!!! My 15 year old also babysits, does the last dog walk at night (around 10.30) and carries out numerous other helpful and responsible jobs around the house. I think you are weird not encouraging a young adult to become independent.

I am totally Shock that you think a 17 year old is incapable of looking after themselves for a night!!

OP, have a great time- I know its not for a while but enjoy anyway

ivykaty44 · 14/05/2011 13:03

I actually telephoned the police and asked about this- they told me if I left dd on her own overnight under 16 they would get SS envolved Sad once she was a minute over 16 they didn't care less Hmm no laws though to stop you doing so

oxocube · 14/05/2011 13:04

Pagwatch hilarious - Herod is definitely beyond help now I think Grin

MrsvWoolf · 14/05/2011 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 14/05/2011 13:06

I'm now chuckling slightly manically at "help for herod"
The dog thinks im mad.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 14/05/2011 13:06

Hurrah for Fabby and her utter bollocks always adds a dimension of hilarity to any thread. FWIW I took DS 1 away overnight for a bit of 1 on 1 time just before he started high school . Does that mean I was "fucking off" and negelecting the other DC's (who stayed at home with dad)?????
MY DS IS 13 AND CAN SAFELY COOK A SIMPLE MEAL FOR THE FAMILY
OP I was left alone at that age and managed to survive and not trash my parents house.

Pagwatch · 14/05/2011 13:07

Maryz

Blimey. 17 Grin
He will have tales not to tell

Oxocube Grin

Waltons · 14/05/2011 13:09

FWIW the NSPCC states "If your child is under the age of 16 they shouldn?t be left alone overnight." Leaflet here

TheHumanCatapult · 14/05/2011 13:11

meh also says this as well

There is no legal age at which children may be left home alone, but parents can be prosecuted for neglect if it puts them at risk of injury or suffering.

as long as they are sur ethey are old enough to cope and thats only something the op can decide

Pagwatch · 14/05/2011 13:26

I am sure the nspcc are very sensible and a good guide on this subject. However they have not met me, nor my son, nor are they familiar with the circumstances, support systems and mechanisms that are in place if my child is left alone.

So this is one of those things where my judgement would override the advice of a charity or govt body.
Because the difference between one child and another at 15 is huge. And the difference between 15 minus one day and 15 plus one day is immeasurable.
So I will read their guidelines with interest but make my decisions as a parent.

4madboys · 14/05/2011 13:27

well at that age i was left on my own at night with my younger sister, mum worked nights and dad was in the forces. we were fine my mum just called in the morning to make sure we were getting up and getting ready for school, she then arrived home in time to take my little sister to school.

and my ELEVEN yr old can cook a meal for us on the cooker, he uses the oven and the hob, quite frankly i think its shocking that a 17yr old cant!! and i HOPE that youare just trying to cause an argument/being sarcastic fabby!

i think as long as she has contact number, someone nearby she can call on if she needs to and you have a friend or a neighbour to keep their eye out then she will be fine :)

NeverSayPie · 14/05/2011 13:27

Its just an opinion. And some of you must have ridiculously mollycoddled teenagers, you're not doing them any favours you know.

4madboys · 14/05/2011 13:28

and what pagwatch said!

Original poster
AllDirections · 14/05/2011 13:43

Thanks for all your comments, except Fabby's!!

I'm aware of the NSPCC guidelines which is why I was asking for opinions, but they are just guidelines, not law. DD1 is (at age 14) more responsible than a lot of 16 year olds. As others have said it's not really an age thing, it's more about maturity. She could easily run the household, including looking after her younger sisters, shopping, cooking, etc. if I went away for a week, NOT THAT I PLAN TO, before anyone calls SS. But she is capable of it. She won't party but I might come back to a messy house!

DD1's friend is likely to stay here one night and then they'll stay there one night. Her friend is also sensible and I would let DD1 stay at her house if her parent's were away. Obviously I'd check up on them and I'd worry more than I'd need to because I always do when my children do something alone for the first time. If DD1 is invited to the friends for the weekend that's fine but now I've thought about it more I think it's going to be a really good experience for her. It's all part of the growing up process!!

OP posts:
Morloth · 14/05/2011 13:47

Hang on pagwatch you are not saying that we can actually make decisions for ourselves/our children and possibly even ignore official 'advice' and/or guidelines?!

Dangerous thinking, what will people do if they have to think about this stuff themselves?

Original poster
AllDirections · 14/05/2011 13:53

PMSL Morloth

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 14/05/2011 13:56

Oh gone are the days when we could think for yourself Sad you may think r do the wrong thing and not even know it - but that is no excuse you would still be punished

mumblechum1 · 14/05/2011 13:56

Grin morloth. And last time I checked, nspcc was a charity, and had no legal authority on stuff like this.

I despair at people whose young adults (15 plus imo) are treated like little children, as someone else said, when they go off to Uni they're going to get a big shock.

Morloth · 14/05/2011 14:04

If we all just accept that ivykaty44 we might as well just hand our babies over to the state to raise in the approved manner at birth.

It really is a crock of shit that a sensible 15 year old (with the parents making a call as to what sensible means) can't be left alone for a weekend. I mean really.

How completely ridiculous.

missmyoldname · 14/05/2011 14:05

Shock at Fabby.

Even my Dmum who is somewhat neurotic over-cautious, let my DSis go to Majorca aged 17 with her friends. I was going to festivals from age 16, but also had plenty of friends who had actually moved out by 17.

I met a good few people at University who had not been allowed any independence and I think its fair to say they were the ones who went bonkers sleeping with anything that moved, and ending up with alcohol poisoning!

Waltons · 14/05/2011 14:15

I don't agree with the NSPCC guidelines either, but I thought I would post them out of interest to see what others thought. I would cheerfully have left my son at home alone overnight at the age of 15, but I think 14 might have been pushing it, and for a whole weekend, simply because he would have been lonely. (He wouldn't have had a party - not his style.)

OP, spending one night with a friend in the house and then one night at friend's house sounds fine.

wineisfine · 14/05/2011 14:25

I had a rude awakening when I as on my own at 18 with a new baby - couldn't cook and had never used an oven or washing machine, didn't know washing machines had filters, no idea about basic housecleaning, it was awful. I learnt quickly but wish I'd know before!

9yo DS has been helping me cook and cooking simple things like scrambled egg - supervised of course - for a while now. Can work the washing machine, dishwasher etc as well.

Wrapping kids in cotton wool does them no favours imo.

DoMeDon · 14/05/2011 14:36

If I had been home alone for 2 nights at 15 I would have shit myself, got drunk and had all my friends over, probably trashing the place (not necessarily in that order Grin)

Depends on the child, as long as you accept there may be sex, drunkeness and some odd behaviour.

From what you say about your DD it sounds like she would be fine. I would insist on random drop in's from adult friends of mine though.

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